The Gilmore Handbook
by DiehardJavaJunkie14
Summary: Lorelai attempts to enlighten Luke by explaining the rules of a handbook made by her and Rory... causing lots of reminiscing to ensue! JavaJunkie, chapter story.
1. Prologue

**A/N: This story is dedicated to Schuyler Lola. A line in one of her stories inspired me to write this fic... so I hope I make you proud, Lola!**

"_Mom?"_

_Lorelai looked up from the latest issue of In Style magazine. "Yeah, sweets?"_

"_You know how you always told me there was a Gilmore Handbook?"_

"_Yeah, the sacred handbook of life, I remember."_

"_Where is it?" Rory asked._

_Lorelai sat on the floor, trying to get on ten-year-old Rory's level. "Well, it's all up here," she said, pointing to her head._

_Rory nodded. She returned to reading her book for a moment, and suddenly jerked her head up once again._

"_So it's not written down somewhere?"_

_Lorelai shrugged. "When you become a journalist, you can write me my own copy. Until then, we can write out our own temporary version, how's that?"_

"_Cool!" Rory said, enthusiastically. "How many rules will we have?"_

_Lorelai bit her lip. "Well, how many do you want? What's the highest number you can count to at this very moment?"_

"_Um, a million."_

"_How about… uh… 43 rules?" Lorelai said, throwing out the first number she could think of._

"_43 sounds good. It's a big number, and it's a lot of rules," Rory replied. "I'll get paper."_

_Lorelai folded the page of the magazine she was reading. She knew she'd be spending her day off creating a book she'd be bound to for the rest of her life. Rory wouldn't ever break a rule… in fact, she'd probably commit them to memory. Rory was like that, she always had been. Lorelai decided to go along with Rory on the plan, and besides, she'd probably enjoy it later._

"_What color crayon should the cover be in?" Rory asked._

"_You can draw the cover, sweets. I have another project," Lorelai replied._

_Lorelai grabbed a piece of paper and wrote "The Gilmore Code" at the top, underlining each word individually in green crayon. She accented each letter with a pink outline and drew a multitude of blue stars around the heading._

"_The Gilmore Code?" Rory questioned, leaning in to see the paper._

"_Yes. I'm writing out a promise… we both have to sign it, then we have to follow the rules and the promise. Sound good?"_

"_It sounds… well, it sounds important!" Rory smiled, thrilled to be a part of something so official._

"_Good. Because you always have to keep the promise you sign your name to," Lorelai insisted._

_Rory handed Lorelai the red crayon. "What's the promise going to say?"_

_Lorelai sighed, realizing she hadn't yet thought that far ahead. "Ah, well, it will say… I Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, and I Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, do solemnly swear on… Luke, that we will abide by the rules of this book at all times. If we do not… abide… by the rules, then…" Lorelai was suddenly at a loss for words. "We have to eat broccoli!"_

_Rory scrunched up her nose. "Broccoli? Eew," she replied._

"_I have taught you well, my dear daughter."_

_The promise page was constructed and signed, and a table of contents was next. Rules 1-43 were written and the book was bound together with ribbon. It was to be consulted whenever necessary, and five blank pages were left at the end to provide room for amendments if need be. It held a prominent place in the Gilmore Magazine rack upstairs._

"And that's how we made the Gilmore Handbook, which I present to you here, to peruse and enjoy," Lorelai smiled.

"You made a Gilmore Handbook?" Luke asked, scratching his head.

"Yes, and if you want to marry me, you're going to have to abide by every rule in this book. At all times. And I think I'm going to make you sign it, too, but then again, you can't swear on yourself…"

Luke rolled his eyes. "Aw, Jeez. Lorelai, I don't know if you're aware, but I'm not a Gilmore. Therefore, I am not obligated to follow any of these rules."

"None? You haven't even heard any of the rules yet," Lorelai whined, cuddling closer to Luke.

"Fine, for the sake of… well, I'm in a good mood today, I think I'll humor you," Luke said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and playing with a piece of her dark, curly hair.

This wasn't something Luke normally did, allow Lorelai to explain a foreign culture to him, but he realized that he was in for a lifetime of obscure references and back and forth banter if he was going to marry Lorelai. The diamond ring that was placed on her finger weeks before glistened in the sun, almost telling him that yes, he was in for it, but somehow it wouldn't be so painful.

"Okay, are you ready? What rule are we starting with?" Lorelai chirped.

Luke sighed. "How about we be daring, and start at… one?"

"One it is, then, get comfy," Lorelai giggled.

"It's a long book?"

"Uh, yeah. I have to explain to you a time when I had to follow each rule, Luke. Is old bluey blocking blood flow to your brain?" she teased, gently lifting the cap off of his head.

"Give me my hat back," Luke insisted, reaching for it.

Lorelai shook her head. "Nah, I think I'll hold it ransom, until you're done listening to me."

"Here we go," Luke moaned under his breath.

Lorelai cleared her throat. "Luke, you have to get ready. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally… you're not zen, Luke."

Luke twisted his face into a confused expression. "Zen? Lorelai, when have I ever been Zen?"

"True. You're not Zen. Maybe you need yoga," she said, playfully poking him in the arm.

"Rule number one?"

Lorelai opened the book, prepared to explain rule number one to Luke.


	2. Rule 1

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 1:**

**As a Gilmore, you have the uncanny ability to talk your way out of any situation… use it, and use it wisely.**

"_I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice…"_

"_Lorelai, what is your fascination with ice cream tonight?" Luke asked, stopping what he was doing to focus on her._

"_Luke, come on! I want an ice cream sundae!" Lorelai whined._

_Luke shook his head. "How many different languages do I need to say 'no' in for you to understand?"_

"_Please, Luke? It's almost closing, and I'll even wash the dishes!"_

"_It's the middle of December, Lorelai, and I don't understand the appeal of eating something cold on a cold night. Don't come back here," Luke barked on his way upstairs._

_Lorelai pouted as she attempted to sneak behind the counter. Luke was upstairs, right? He wouldn't have a clue. She could whip up 2 sundaes without Luke noticing. She took a peek at Rory, who knowingly assumed her role as lookout, and gave a thumbs up. Lorelai snuck into the kitchen, grabbed the ice cream scooper, and began to concoct the world's greatest ice cream sundaes. Halfway through her first, she heard footsteps, and decided to seek out use of rule number one._

"_What are you doing back here?" Luke snapped._

_Lorelai batted her eyelashes. "Well, sir, I'm not sure if you are aware of this philosophy, but the customer is always right."_

"_Lorelai, you're hardly a customer."_

"_I pay, you serve, I eat! Where's the second interpretation of Webster's definition of customer?"_

_Luke rolled his eyes. "Lorelai…"_

"_I mean, come on, Luke, if I want a sundae, I should be able to get one. Where did you learn to refuse service? I have shoes and a shirt on, and by law, you are obligated to serve. Because you didn't do so, I decided to serve myself. It doesn't say anywhere that I am unable to do so."_

_Luke stared at Lorelai, his mouth gaping. He was exasperated, confused, and pained. She had just run mental circles around him, played games with his mind, and flirted with him, all simultaneously. Unbelievable. He just couldn't figure out a comeback to Lorelai's witty, yet twisted, view of customer service. For once, she was right. He wouldn't dare admit it._

"_Get your sundaes, and sit down, before I implode," he said, a little too calmly._

_Lorelai crinkled her nose. "Ew. That would be slightly messy… you know, guts here, blood there, the wheat grass you had for breakfast over there…"_

"_If you say another word about my bodily fluids, I will remove that ice cream scoop from your hands so quickly, you won't know what hit you."_

"_Commencing ice cream scooping," Lorelai responded quickly, not wanting to miss out on an opportunity to eat something so delicious. She scooped some vanilla ice cream, licked the scooper, and dipped it into the chocolate._

"_Lorelai, that's completely unnecessary, not to mention unsanitary and completely thoughtless. That's not your ice cream!" Luke ranted, livid that she had contaminated his ice cream._

"_Luke," Lorelai started. "I'm really sorry. I've been eating ice cream this way since I was a little girl… I taught Rory to do it the same way, and now it's kind of a memory jog, to a time where I felt really good about the world… it's almost like how you eat a Reese's, or an Oreo… it was habit, I'm so… sorry, I'll pay you for the ice cream."_

_Luke stopped organizing the kitchen. "No, it's not that big of a deal. I'm sorry… I didn't realize that your ice cream scooping was so important. I have stuff I do the same way I did when I was younger, too. If anyone tried to mess that up, I'd be hurt, too. Scoop," he insisted._

_Lorelai put her hand on Luke's shoulder. "It's okay, Luke, you didn't know. I should have paid closer attention," she said, winking at Rory through the opening._

"You remember that?" Luke asked.

"Of course. I am an elephant… well I have the memory of one, that's for sure. I never, ever forget. Remember that," Lorelai said, pointing to Luke.

"You still eat ice cream like that?"

"You really believed that?" Lorelai giggled. "Hey, I am pretty good at talking my way out of any situation!"

Luke rolled his eyes. "Jeez, Lorelai, I don't think I'll ever be able to understand you."

"Well, we've got the rest of our lives, I sure as heck can try to explain it. This little book may help," she said, running her fingers through his hair. "Anyway, rule significance? I taught Rory to be able to talk her way out of anything. I mean, if there's an uncomfortable situation at work, she knows she can invent a fiancé and not feel awkward about it if need be."

Luke nodded. "All right…"

"And if I needed to gracefully exit a conversation with some of my dad's friends, it would be okay if I used my abilities. It comes in handy every once in awhile," she continued. "The other day, I was in the drugstore, buying Band-Aids…"

"I thought we had Band-Aids."

Lorelai shook her head. "There were only the big kind that only fit on the obscure parts of your body, like your Achilles. So, I was in the drugstore, and there… was Jason Stiles."

"And you didn't tell me this because?"

"I told you, you just got angry and shoved it in the back of your mind, trying to repress the pain of the memory, or at least that's what Rory would say you did."

"Fine. Go on," Luke grunted.

"Well, he and I talked awhile, and after finding out that he officially hates my father, and his own father, and is estranged from both, he asked me about my life. Guess what I did?" Lorelai asked, grinning ear to ear.

"You showed him your ring?" Luke asked.

"You are clueless, and it is so adorable, it's unbelievable," Lorelai giggled.

"_Lorelai Gilmore?"_

_Lorelai jumped. "Digger… I mean, Jason! Hi!"_

"_Lorelai Gilmore… I can't believe it's you!" Jason said, a surprised look on his face._

_Lorelai shrugged. "Well, if you want to get technical, it's Lorelai Gilmore-Danes," she said, flashing her ring at Jason._

"_You're married?" Jason asked in disbelief._

"_Going on six months," she said._

_Jason nodded. "My heartfelt congratulations. Who's the lucky guy?"_

_Lorelai smiled. "Luke Danes."_

"_Good for you. I'm happy for you. How's Richard?" he asked, quickly changing the subject._

"_Ah," Lorelai shrugged, "He's okay, he's had a little bit of heart trouble lately, but he's hanging in there," she said._

"_I'm sorry to hear that."_

"_No you're not," Lorelai replied._

"_I really don't like your father, but that doesn't mean I wish terrible things would happen to him. I don't like my own father… okay, safer topic? You're married," he repeated._

"_Yeah, I am. Very happy," Lorelai replied, wishing speed dial rescue worked mentally. "And we're expecting an addition in March," her hand travelled to her stomach, trying to fish for a comment._

"_This is great news, Lorelai," Jason said, reaching for his cell phone. "It's been great seeing you, but I should call Japan. I'm late for a conference call," he said, obviously trying to find a way out of the awkward conversation. "Congratulations, I expect pictures, and I'll see you around."_

_Lorelai smiled and waved until he turned around. Then she laughed hysterically._

"And how many people do you think he told?" Luke asked.

Lorelai shrugged. "If he told anyone, I'll just blame it on his hatred for my father."

"Another way to talk yourself out of trouble?"

"You're catching on!" Lorelai said, turning the page.


	3. Rule 2

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 2:**

**Never, ever wear something you wouldn't want to be taken to the hospital in… and never let someone else wear something you wouldn't want them to be taken to the hospital in, because that's just plain mean.**

_As Lorelai found herself sitting in the Headmaster's office at Chilton, she couldn't even begin to comprehend how she felt. She had broken a Gilmore Handbook rule, first and foremost. Forget the fact that she had embarrassed everyone else, she broke the sacred code! The headmaster told her to take off her coat... and she did, of course. Her bright pink top suddenly didn't seem as cheery as it did any other time she wore it. The skirt didn't even match! Lorelai mentally kicked herself for the rule breaking moment as well as the worst fashion disaster in Gilmore History._

_Lorelai pondered the fact that the way she was dressed was almost like one of those dreams… the dream where she was the odd person out, the person wearing all black instead of white. Or, the dream where she was naked, and everyone stared. Her outfit was making her stick out like a sore thumb, and there was no convenient log in the middle of the forest to hide behind, like in her weird dreams._

_She would definitely hear about this from Emily. Great… another moment to add to Emily's mental wall of shame. Who would have known she had some sort of friendship with Headmaster Charleston? Then again, what rich person in Hartford doesn't know Emily and Richard? Emily could let no faux pas go unnoticed, because, frankly, she was Emily, and she was perfect. She had never made a mistake in her life, at least not one that she acknowledged in front of Lorelai._

_Poor Rory! Lorelai knew Rory would have it in her heart to forgive her, because it was an honest mistake. It's not like people plan to have all their nice clothes dirtywhen they need to go to something important. Lorelai wanted nothing more than for Rory to be accepted, and liked, and respected. Not such a good first impression on Lorelai's part, although Rory's shining example would most definitely (hopefully) overpower Lorelai's giant mishap. _

_After all, they're just clothes… and she'd been told hundreds of times that clothes didn't make a person. But then again, it was a fancy, rich kid school. Hello, Lorelai! How well you were dressed determined the way you were to be treated for years to come! The better you looked, the more popular and/or trusted you were. _

_When the meeting was over, and all the drama had died down, Lorelai swore she would burn the skirt… nope, the top was the kicker. Maybe she should burn both…_

_"How do you leave the house looking like that?" Emily barked._

_Lorelai sighed. "It was not planned, believe me."_

_"And on Rory's first day of school. What kind of an impression did you think you were gonna make?"_

_Lorelai was right. She did get it from Emily._

"You told me about that, but I forgot how amusing that was," Luke teased.

"It's not so bad, looking back, but it was terrible then! Imagine this really stuffy old man staring at you, and Emily Gilmore's eyes burning holes in your coat!"

"Well, I would have checked to make sure I had an outfit to wear the next day."

"Well, Mr. Smarty Pants, that thought didn't enter my head at the time, all right? I am not as… good at planning ahead as you are!"

"Lorelai, it's okay, I was just giving you a hard time," Luke insisted.

"Rule significance, ahem, pay attention!" Lorelai playfully snapped her fingers in front of Luke's face.

Luke sighed. He was already getting a headache, and rule number two wasn't over yet. He still had forty-one more rules to sit through. Forty-one! How could Lorelai and Rory possibly come up with that many rules to live by? Wasn't there one rule that everyone was supposed to follow? The mother of all rules, the one his mother tried to teach him at a young age? Wasn't that rule sufficient? One rule, one all encompassing rule could make this situation a little less painful.

"Okay, I'm listening, Lorelai," Luke said, gently taking her hand and moving it away from his face.

"You have to look good, and you have to let other people tell you what looks good and what isn't so flattering. You see, Luke, if I told you that flannel didn't look good on you, what would you do?"

"Wear it, because I like my wardrobe, and frankly, no one can stop me from wearing what I want to?"

"True. That's because you're Luke, and I'm Lorelai…"

"Thank you for the introduction."

Lorelai glared at Luke. "I'm Lorelai, and I trust the opinion of others, such as Rory, to tell me what I look good in. You'll never know when a situation might come up when someone needs emergency help, and you're in that completely embarrassing T-shirt with the stain on it that you've tried to wash out more times than you can count."

Luke nodded. "I see," he replied.

"You do?"

"Are you kidding me? I have no idea about this rule. I mean, I sort of get the first one, but this one is ridiculous."

"Well, then, what happens if… say, for example, I go into labor? In the middle of the day, a Saturday, and everyone rushes to the hospital, because of course, that's just what happens when someone calls people and tells them she's having a baby. Anyway, point being… what if someone was out… I don't know, gardening, and they have their gardening outfit on, and it's all dirty and stuff?" Lorelai rambled.

"Lorelai, first of all, people have this ability to change their clothes, and we have indoor plumbing in Stars Hollow…"

"Don't look deeper into the scenario than it's meant to be, Luke! Take the rule at face value, and take it to mean 'Always look your best'. Satisfied?"

Luke sighed. As confused as he was, he nodded. If they meant that one always needs to look good, why didn't they just say it? That was another thing Luke was extremely baffled about. Maybe it would clarify itself later in this never ending myriad of rules to live by, but for now, it was a question that had been haunting him since he and Lorelai first met.

"I get it," he said.

"Good. Because I don't think you really wanted another flashback moment. You wouldn't really appreciate it," Lorelai sighed as she turned the page.


	4. Rule 3

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 3:**

**We have blue eyes for a reason. Make them your greatest asset.**

_Rory walked silently into the diner, her head down. She was visibly upset about something, that was quite obvious. Lorelai pulled the chair closer to her daughter and tried to console her. Luke watched from behind the counter, getting that awful feeling in his gut once again. It was the feeling he got whenever he saw Lorelai or Rory upset._

_He hated that feeling. There were thousands of graphic analogies to convey the pain he had whenever he saw one of the girls cry. It wasn't often, but when it happened, it hurt. It wasn't supposed to be that way, because Luke was supposed to protect them from every evil in the world. Why? Because he loved Lorelai Gilmore so much that he felt obligated to. She didn't know it, and Rory didn't know it, but Luke was their protector. Any knight in armor references weren't necessary. _

_He brought a cup of coffee over to Lorelai, who mouthed "Thank you," as she stroked her daughter's shoulder._

"_What's wrong?" Luke asked._

_Lorelai motioned with her hand, shaking her head, almost as if she were trying to assure Luke that it wasn't a big deal. But Luke persisted. Lorelai may not think it was something huge, but Rory obviously did. He could tell by the flood of tears coming down her cheeks. He wanted to make things better. It often seemed impossible to do, but he was going to try._

"_Rory?" Luke asked._

_She looked up at him, wiping away her tears with the arm of her sweatshirt. "Yeah?" she sniffed._

"_Uh, hang on," Luke said, walking into the supply room for a box of tissues. When he emerged, holding the entire box, Rory took several tissues and blew her nose._

"_Thank you," she whimpered, breaking down again._

_Luke turned to Lorelai, who again shook her head. "It's okay," she said out loud._

"_Luke?" Rory asked between sobs._

_He crouched down to her level, trying to determine what was wrong. "Yeah, Rory?"_

_And there they were… the secret weapon of the Gilmores. Rory's big blue eyes were watery, but they still had the same mesmerizing effect. Maybe it was a trait that was inherited from Lorelai, and maybe she was taught… but regardless, those eyes were impossible to deny. Luke braced himself to grant Rory's wish, despite the hassle, or time, or whatever else would be involved._

_Rory took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. "Would you come to my caterpillar's funeral, please?"_

_Luke had to strain to remember the caterpillar. When he finally recalled the caterpillar, he remembered the day Rory brought him in to see Luke. The joy on Rory's face at having a pet, a friend, that she could share things with, was so sweet. She was giving him the tour of the town, and how special was it that Luke's was the first stop?_

_Luke wasn't one for animals in the diner, but Rory's big blue eyes, and the joy he saw in them, allowed Ricky Boy George Bono the Caterpillar to visit the diner anytime. And now the caterpillar named after three very different and random celebrities had passed away._

"_Of course I will," Luke replied. "My condolences."_

_Rory took another tissue. "Thank you, Luke."_

_Later that day, Ricky Boy George Bono was buried in the presence of three witnesses: Luke, Rory, and Lorelai. Rory officiated the burial, giving a sweet eulogy about how Ricky Boy George Bono, affectionately known as "Ricky", would sit and listen to Rory read, and how he inspired Rory to love nature._

_After the services ended, Rory hugged Luke. "Thank you for being here. Ricky would have loved it. He loved the diner."_

_Luke glanced up at Lorelai, standing behind her daughter. "I was honored to be invited," he said, directing the comment toward both of them._

"The eyes… they get me every time. Why do you have to be so great with those eyes?" Luke asked.

"Well, Luke, if you've got it, flaunt it. We have the eyes… we might as well use them."

Luke sighed. "But you use them every single time you want something, and sometimes when you don't… they're just… there, and…"

"You've got a weakness, Luke, accept it. Our eyes are the weakness. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not ashamed. I just can't fathom how eyes, a simple body organ, can do all of that!"

Lorelai giggled. "Well, you have basically just admitted that I've used those eyes on you before, and it's worked. Please, do tell!"

"It's been more than once. Thousands of times, Lorelai."

"I like the power I have over you," she said. "Tell me about one time you gave in because of my pretty blue eyes."

"Fine," Luke said.

_She ran into the diner, talking so fast he could barely understand her. She said something about a basket, Miss Patty, and guys. Then she spit out the fact that other people were bidding on her basket… and she needed Luke's help._

_"Luke! Where is he, where is he? I need him! Caesar, where is - agh, agh, thank God. Hey, hey, you gotta come with me."_

_Luke rolled his eyes. "What are you doing? Hey hey, I got plates here!"_

_"Put the burgers down. Caesar, you're in charge."_

_"Now wait."_

_"Do you have money? I need money. Which one opens this thing? Is it that one, not that one."_

_"Stop messing with that."_

_"Luke, you gotta come out there with me. Patty gave my picture out to all these guys because she thinks I need a man."_

_"You do, one with a nice couch and a deep knowledge of Freud."_

_"You have to come out and bid on my basket," Lorelai said. _

_"Are you serious?" _

_"Yes."_

_It was just a stupid festival! That's all it was. Whoever won the basket bidding had to go on a picnic with the other person. But somehow, that was a thought Lorelai Gilmore didn't want to entertain. She was almost in hysterics, begging him to bid on her basket._

_And she came to Luke, of all people. She always went to Luke. She stared at him, almost pleading him with the way her eyes met his. _

_"I have never in my life taken part in one of these crazy group flip outs," Luke insisted, "I'm not about to start now."_

_"But - right now - out there – the -" Lorelai protested._

_"Just buy your own basket."_

_"I cannot buy my own basket!"_

_"Why not?" Luke asked, afraid to know the answer._

_"Because that is pathetic!"_

_"And chasing me around my diner begging me to buy your basket?" Luke pointed out._

_"Also pathetic. But that is a pathetic I can live with, where that pathetic is a truly pathetic pathetic, and only you can save me from the double pathetic! Please!" Lorelai begged._

_Luke sighed. "I can't believe I'm doing this."_

_"Ha ha! Hurry up. Hurry up!"_

_Luke was ushered out of the diner and immediately engaged in the bidding war._

"Forty-seven dollars, are you kidding?"

"Luke!"

As the bids went higher and higher, and Luke protested more and more, he realized that he was going to win the basket regardless. He did this for her, he might as well go all the way.

"Uh, fifty-two fifty."

Luke hoped everyone else would be crazy to pay more than fifty three dollars for a basket.

"Fifty-two fifty going once, fifty-two fifty going twice . . . " Taylor called out.

"Sold for fifty-two fifty!"

Lorelai squealed. "It was my eyes, huh?"

"Yeah."

"How were my eyes? What look did I give?"

Luke shook his head. "It's one of those looks you give when you're not thinking about anything but what you need. It's not a look you give to try to entice someone, it's just there."

Lorelai grinned. "Entice? Dirty word," she teased.

"Ah, Jeez, next rule?"


	5. Rule 4

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 4:**

**If someone asks you to dance, take the offer. You never know what might become of it.**

_It was Liz's wedding day, and the entire town of Stars Hollow had spent a lot of time preparing for it. It was an event to be remembered, that was for sure. The theme was Renaissance, not something Lorelai knew a lot about, but she would go along with anything, if she were given the opportunity to dress up if needed. She saw Luke standing outside the diner._

_"Greetings, my lord! Your lady hath arrived to be escorted forthwith," she said, attempting to impress him with her Renaissance language._

_"That's pretty good. I didn't know you spoke Renaissance."_

_"Oh, yeah. I'm quite fluent in Renaissance. You look nice. I'm lovin' the tie," she pointed out. _

_"Thanks. You look beautiful."_

_She smiled. "Flattery will get you everywhere, my friend. Shall we?"_

_"Let's go."_

_Lorelai still found it hard to believe that Luke was wearing a suit. He looked so nice when he was dressed up, and she always thought he should do it more often. It was a definite change, a welcome change, from the flannel. But, the flannel wasn't so bad, either. Lorelai shook the thoughts out of her head, trying not to face the fact that she was thinking about how nice Luke looked... it was a little odd._

_After an encounter with TJ's brother, Luke had something to ask Lorelai._

"Just do me a favor. I'm gonna try to keep a happy, proud look on my face to cover the smirking and about-to-laugh-my-ass-off face just underneath. Help me achieve this."

Lorelai giggled. "Oh, come on. They have a community of people, friends, you know, who travel together, engage in silliness, dress in costume. I think it's nice!"

She had just barely finished her sentence when Crazy Carrie approached, flirting with Luke so shamelessly. Wow, she was really desperate, wasn't she? Lorelai listened politely, but felt so sorry for Luke, who had a stalker that was even frightening to her. She commented on his suit, and Luke attempted to brush it off, taking the comment in stride.

"So, um, Barry stayed home," Carrie offered.

Lorelai was appalled, sympathetic, and amused, all simultaneously. This woman was probably the most desperate woman in Stars Hollow!

"Who?"

"The ball and chain. I'm flying solo tonight. Save a dance for me?" Carrie asked.

"Uh, I don't dance," Luke answered.

"You will dance," Carrie insisted.

"Hey, how 'bout we work on him together? I think there's a hoofer buried deep inside there, don't you?" Lorelai teased.

Maybe there was, maybe there wasn't, but Lorelai had started thinking of plans to rescue Luke from Carrie. It didn't quite work out so well, as Lorelai was called to save the day and sew Liz's wedding dress. Lorelai hadn't often saved the day, but she'd take the credit due. Even though it was a simple job, Liz wouldn't stop gushing over how big of a deal it was.

The wedding itself was utterly hysterical. There were swords planted, goofy songs sang, but underneath it all, Lorelai tried to convince herself that it was sweet. Liz and TJ were very like-minded. Simple minded, definitely, but like minded. She was happy if they were happy.

After the wedding and some drama with the Kims, Lorelai took it all in. There were renaissance people everywhere, each doing their own amusing things... not necessarily purposefully, but they did them anyway. Jess was caught talking to one of them... now that was funny.

Lorelai brought up the self-help book she saw in Jess's backpack, later realizing it was a touchy subject with Luke. Maybe she shouldn't have mentioned it. She felt terrible for making Luke angry... she wanted this to be a nice day for him. Apologies ensued. Suddenly, Luke changed the subject.

"_You wanna dance?"_

_Lorelai paused, shocked. "Really?"_

_"Yeah."_

"_Uhm, you said before that you don't dance."_

"_Well, I'm a compulsive liar."_

_Lorelai smiled. "Um, okay, yeah, let's dance."_

_Luke Danes… dance? It was one of those really goofy thoughts that had entered her head occasionally, out of pure curiosity more than anything else, and she found herself liking the real answer. He had just asked her to dance. It was a very sweet gesture, one that caught her off guard, but was very thoughtful. She took his hand and they walked onto the dance floor._

_For those few minutes, Lorelai had the moment she had been thinking about for her entire life. It was the moment when she was with someone special, and everything else seemed insignificant, almost absent. She forgot about Liz, and TJ, and Jess, and everyone else who was present at the crazy renaissance wedding. She was dancing with Luke, and it seemed like they were the only two people around._

_She smiled and laughed as she danced with him. This was the most awkward dance she'd ever had, but the sweetest and most romantic at the same time. Spontaneity was not Luke's strong point, but suddenly he fit the description of spontaneous nicely. However awkward the dance was, it almost felt meant to be in a sense. She'd known Luke for years, but she'd never had this feeling for him… or had she before, but totally denied it? _

_There were moments when she had thought about someone asking her to dance, and the offer blossoming into something more, but as Luke led her across the dance floor, her thoughts seemed to become reality. This was Luke… backwards baseball cap, monosyllabic Luke. But then again, it was superhero Luke, thoughtful Luke, selfless Luke, and good friend Luke. Lorelai mentally made a note to add 'good dancer' to her list of Lukes she knew._

_Superhero Luke was her favorite, maybe in a tie with selfless Luke. He was there when Rory's baby chick got loose. He drove her to the hospital when she heard her father was taken there that Christmas. Countless other moments in her life were impossible to remember without Luke being a part of them. The Santa burger, the chuppah… so many things were done on Lorelai's account by Luke._

_When he brought her back that night, she was almost jumping up and down she was so giddy. She had never told him, but she loved that night. _

"See? Look what became of us, because I said 'yes' to dancing with you!"

Luke nodded. "I guess that's an okay rule. Can I tell you something?"

"Sure, hit me," Lorelai said.

"The self-help book..."

"Yes? What about it?"

Luke took a deep breath. "Well, um... it was mine."

Lorelai laughed so hard she cried, and then caught sight of Luke's face. "Oh, Luke, you were serious. Oh, I am so... sorry to make fun of you."

"It's okay. It kept asking me about whose face I saw in every event they could make up. It was yours. Maybe it helped Jess, too." Luke replied.

"So you realized you were in love with me because of a self help tape?"

Luke shrugged. "Well, I think I had an idea all along, but maybe it was the push I needed."

Lorelai smiled. "I think it was previously mentioned that you are a softie inside."

"If you tell anyone..."

"I swear, I won't, I think it's cute, Luke. I won't tell anyone," Lorelai promised.

"Okay. Moving on, please?"


	6. Rule 5

Gilmore Handbook Rule 5:

Dreams often have more meaning than you think they do. Take them seriously.

"And the significance of this rule is?" Luke groaned.

"Come on, now, Luke, you'll like this. Remember that really goofy dream I had?"

"You've had a lot of goofy dreams, which one?"

"The one I told you about," Lorelai said.

Luke rolled his eyes. "Lorelai, there were plenty of them. And besides, I probably won't even remember the dream."

Lorelai's jaw dropped in mock surprise. "Luke, come on, now, that's the wrong answer. That would mean that what I said wasn't worthy of remembering. Now, rest assured, you will remember this dream. Unless you were being a typical man."

"I listen to everything you say," Luke defended. "Doesn't mean I understand it, but I listen."

Lorelai continued to tease. "What, then, are you Dory, the little fishy who can't seem to overcome that short-term memory loss?"

Luke turned to Lorelai, a confused look on his face. "Who's Dory?"

Lorelai winked at Luke. "Forget Dory… Story time… wait a second, that rhymes!"

_She wasn't sure if she wanted to tell Luke about the dream. But then again she knew he wasn't going to read more into it, like Rory did, so she took a deep breath. "I had a dream once that you set eighteen alarm clocks to get me up, which is not a bad way to get me up."_

_  
"Where were we?" asked Luke._

_  
Lorelai thought for a moment, ensuring that she had the dream setting correct. "We were, um, at my house. I got up, I went downstairs for coffee, and you talked to my stomach."_

_The first part of the worst parts was out. She had hoped Luke would get the hint and not want to hear any more of her crazy dream._

_  
"Why on earth I do that?"_

_  
Apparently Luke wasn't very good at taking a hint. Lorelai made a mental note of that. "Well, because I was pregnant. Twins."_

_The look on Luke's face was one of shock. "Mine?" he asked, slightly blushing at the thought of Lorelai having his twins._

_  
"What am I, dream tramp? Of course yours," Lorelai defended._

_  
Luke nodded, thinking about the parameters of the dream situation. "We were married?"_

_  
"Um, yeah. Did I not mention that?" Lorelai asked._

_  
Luke shook his head. "No. You know, you shouldn't drink coffee when you're pregnant."_

_  
Lorelai sat, thinking about the intense withdrawal that would ensue because of being pregnant. She shook it off, realizing that now was not the time to wallow in the lack of coffee she would consume during her future pregnancy. "Uh, true," she replied._

_  
"It's probably why Rory's a caffeine addict," Luke pointed out._

_  
She hated it when Luke was right. Somehow, in this dream situation, she knew that he was just trying to look out for her. As he always did. "Right, you're right," she consented._

_Lorelai had hoped that would be enough for Luke to be satisfied with, but he, of course, asked the question Lorelai had hoped he wouldn't. "Dream go beyond that?"_

_  
She thought for a moment. Should she tell him the rest of the dream? Maybe he was reading more into this than she thought he would. "No. Um, you talked to my stomach, and then you ki -... well, no," Lorelai lied. She immediately felt that guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had lied to Luke. That wasn't very… Lorelai. Usually she could come up with some sort of joke to soften the blow of what really happened. Why was she so uncomfortable with what really happened in the dream? Maybe Rory was right._

_  
"Oh, okay. Well... night," Luke said, turning over._

_  
"Yeah. Night," Lorelai replied. _

Luke nodded. "Yeah, I remember the dream you told me about that night."

"Uh, well, see, there's more to it than what I said there was."

"So I'm not the only one withholding information regarding our relationship," Luke said.

Lorelai sighed. "It was a dream, Luke. It wasn't a key point in our relationship. Anyway, so the real ending of the dream was that you kissed me."

"That's why you didn't want to tell me the rest of the dream?"

"Well, we weren't together, and you know, that can be a little weird, telling someone that you're not dating or married to about an awkward dream in which you were carrying their twins… you know what they say, awkward turtle," Lorelai said, making the hand gesture of a turtle.

Luke sighed. "Awkward turtle? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't ask. Anyway, so to completely recap the dream for you, there were eighteen alarm clocks, I woke up, not happy, and went downstairs for breakfast. You switched out my regular coffee for decaf, and of course, I knew it right away," Lorelai explained.

Luke shook his head. "Yeah, I pretty much know that you'd be able to tell the difference… you're an addict."

"Oh, well, then set up the documentary cameras and introduce me to the interventionist," Lorelai exaggerated. "Anyway, so I found the coffee, you didn't hide it very well, and you tried to convince me to go one day without it… you even offered to put a toy in my cereal, which was totally and completely dirty."

"Ah, Jeez."

"So, you made me breakfast, and you know how sometimes in your dream, you can feel or smell things? Well, I could smell this. It smelled amazing. Over the top, fantastic, great smell. Somewhere in the dream, you even said "I'll alert the media", which was awesome."

"Glad I made you proud," Luke said in a monotone voice.

"You talked to my stomach and kissed me, and you left. But you know of course I woke up after that," Lorelai said.

Luke shrugged. "I do now."

"So I called Rory and she analyzed my dream for me. She said that deep down in my subconscious, I wanted to marry you and have your twins. At the time, of course, I was in a stage of harsh self-denial," Lorelai rambled.

"Have they diagnosed you for that?"

"No, but I had an awakening… later on, of course, but it was of DeNiro proportions. Gosh, I've been waiting awhile to use that reference… although a "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" reply would have been clever too," Lorelai replied.

Luke sighed. "Okay, so is this the end of the book?"

Lorelai gasped, covering her mouth, feigning surprise. "Are you serious? We still have many, many more rules to get through my friend."

"Finish your rant and move on, please?"

"Right. Okay, so I finally realized that Rory was right. I did secretly want to marry you and have your twins… okay, maybe not twins, necessarily, but having your baby wasn't such a bad thought, either. Hence the meaning of the dream rule. I always knew dreams had meanings, and this one had a meaning I just didn't figure out for awhile," Lorelai explained.

"Is that it?" Luke asked.

Lorelai nodded. "Next rule… or do you need a break first? We've only done five, but you look like you're about to fall asleep."

"All of these stories and rules are just making my brain hurt."

"Ah, yes, well, take an aspirin and let me know when you're ready for the next 41 rules," Lorelai insisted, kissing Luke's temple.

Luke sighed. "Metaphorically, Lorelai. Rule 6?"


	7. Rule 6

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 6:**

**When there's an opportunity for coffee, don't pass it up, no matter what it takes. That's just plain wrong… more of a sin, a betrayal of mass proportions.**

_Lorelai walked into the diner. Glancing over at Luke, she ran her speech through her head. If all else failed, she would go around the counter and grab some coffee herself. And chaos would ensue. Chaos wasn't always such a bad thing._

_Luke would yell a little, forbid her from being behind the counter, and then Lorelai would work her magic… she'd work her magic and Luke would forgive her. Luke always, always forgave her. No matter what the circumstance was, he would eventually forgive Lorelai for whatever she did._

"_Please, Luke, please, please, please," she said, willing her eyes to twinkle as she clutched her coffee mug._

"_How many cups have you had today?" he asked, exasperated._

"_None," Lorelai insisted._

"_Plus?"_

_Ah, Luke knew her all too well. He knew this wouldn't be her first cup of coffee for the day. That would be humanly impossible. She consented. "Five… but yours is better!"_

_He stared back at her for a moment. She had a plan just in case she wasn't going to get coffee, but then again, when had she ever been denied coffee? She could steal his hat and use coffee as ransom. That might work. Or, she could hide out in his apartment, playing U2 and obsessing over Bono until he gave in. _

"_You have a problem." he stated plainly. _

_She smiled, almost nodding in agreement. She was a shameless coffee addict, and she wasn't hiding it from anyone. "Yes, I do," she declared proudly as she watched Luke pour the steaming hot coffee into the mug._

"_Junkie," he muttered._

_Lorelai giggled. "Angel," she said with a smile, "you've got wings, baby!"_

_It was the morning routine of sorts. It didn't always go exactly the way it had that day, but it was always similar. Lorelai begged for coffee, Luke told her the health risks, Lorelai ignored Luke and begged some more. Luke consented, making some sort of sarcastic comment under his breath, and poured Lorelai coffee._

"That's a rule?" Luke asked. "And that's your story to go with it? One random day when you begged me for coffee and had a master plan to make me give it to you?"

Just as Luke began to further question the rule's example, Rory walked through the door. Lorelai turned her head and smiled as she sa her daughter arrive.

"Hey, how was visiting Lane and the boys? And the rest of everyone in town?" Lorelai asked sweetly.

Rory smiled. "Everything's the way I left it, except the boys are bigger, Miss Patty had a brief one night stand she felt the need to elaborate on, and the whole town is going stir-crazy waiting for Saturday. They can't wait for you guys to finally get married!"

Lorelai giggled. "Ah, well, you see, if that's to happen, Luke has to sit through… 37 more rules!"

Rory gasped. "You found the Gilmore Handbook!"

"Sitting in my magazine rack, where else would it be? He has to learn them all, and be tested on them, but don't tell him that, he just doesn't know it yet."

"What rule are we on? Maybe I have some insight," Rory replied, sitting next to her mother on the arm of the couch.

Luke groaned. "Rule six. Something about coffee."

"When there's an opportunity for coffee, don't pass it up, no matter what it takes. That's just plain wrong… more of a sin, a betrayal of mass proportions," Rory expertly recited.

Lorelai nodded. "Your thoughts, Miss Gilmore?"

Rory walked out of the apartment, thankful to be free from Paris for a little while. Any respite was appreciated lately. She turned and almost ran into someone.

"_Excuse me," she said. _

"_You're Rory Gilmore?"_

_Rory stopped. "Yes," she said tentatively._

_The man nodded. "Someone pointed you out to me. This is for you."_

"_What is?"_

"_The coffee cart," the man replied as if it were obvious._

"_For me?"_

"_Courtesy of Logan Huntzberger," the coffee guy said._

_Rory's tone suddenly shifted. She wasn't happy… at all. "Oh, I see. Well, I don't want any coffee right now, thanks anyway. I'm sorry you wasted your time, Ben."_

"_No problem," Ben said, following Rory as she walked away._

_Rory stopped. "What are you doing?"_

"_I'm hired for the day."_

_Now Rory was really annoyed. "What?"_

"_Yep. All day. Any time you want some coffee, biscotti, I will be here," Ben said, as if he were Rory's hero._

"_That's not necessary," Rory assured Ben._

"_I've already been paid. A lot!" he protested._

_Rory sighed. "Fine," she consented._

"No matter how annoying I found it, it was coffee. I couldn't just break a rule like that. It was opportunity, knocking, only not in the form of an animated car commercial man, but COFFEE!" Rory explained.

Luke shook his head. "You've got her in on this, too?"

Lorelai giggled. "She is my offspring! And after all, we did create the book together! We've memorized every rule! You must know them, at least be familiar with them, to understand us."

Luke flipped the page. "Somehow, I don't think I will understand either of you no matter how many rules you give me."


	8. Rule 7

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 7:**

There are certain people that are in your life forever. They're called lifers. They are there for you no matter what, so make sure they know that you appreciate them and love them.

"_Dating, do you have that down?"_

_  
Luke was slightly caught off guard by the question. Nothing should have caught him off guard when it came to Lorelai, but this was entirely random. "Okay, if this is about that kid, then…"_

_  
Lorelai was quick to interrupt. She wasn't ready for more torture about her most recent date. "No, it's not about anything, it's just a question."_

_  
"Well, I don't know if I have it down," Luke replied. "Considering I live with my nephew, I'd say probably not."_

_  
Lorelai was relieved to hear that from Luke. It wasn't a shock, but then again it was nice to be reassured once in awhile. "I don't have it down either," she started. "I've never been very good at it really. I've never even really liked it. Too much 'what if'. I like things I can count on. I mean, uh, actually, with Max, it was the first time I was finally like 'Hey, here it is, that one person who will always be there for me.' And then, I turned around, and it's suddenly 'Oops, wrong, keep moving.' "_

_  
"Why are you telling me this?"  
_

_Lorelai realized that she had rambled on and on about her failed relationships and her romantic issues… to Luke, of all people. She knew why, but she was going to have a little trouble expressing it. "I don't have very many people in my life who are in my life permanently forever. They will always be there for me. I will always be there for them, you know? There's Rory, and Sookie, and this town and ... you. I mean, at least I think I've got..." her voice trailed off as she attempted to stop rambling again._

"_You do," Luke insisted. He knew it just as well as she did. They were going to be in each other's lives, some way, somehow, no matter what. _

_  
"Good. Just checking," Lorelai said. She was relieved to have it out in the open. Luke had not only been the man who served her coffee and chili fries, but he was one of those people who was going to be there, always. _

Lorelai smiled as she finished her story. "You were always there, Luke. You follow this rule, too, you know. You follow it very well."

"I follow a Gilmore Handbook rule without being coerced, bribed, blackmailed, and any other synonym for 'forced' that a thesaurus can produce? What kind of alternate universe is this?" Luke questioned.

"No, Luke, this is supposed to be an example of when you're always there. You just… are, Luke. You, by nature, are one of those lifers we so appreciate. And when someone's there for you, you show them as well," Lorelai said.

Rory grabbed a Mallomar from the nearby box. "Mom's right, Luke. You're more who this rule was modeled after. You are the ultimate lifer."

"And despite the similar sounding name, you are not a cage fighter," Lorelai added quickly, reaching across Luke to grab a Mallomar.

Luke shifted in his seat. "Thank you for clearing that up. I recently hit my head on a rock and came down with a case of fugue, and you just helped me out of a psychological disaster. For that, I cannot thank you enough."

"Luke," Rory whined. "Come on, we're giving you a very nice compliment here. We're allowing you to realize that you are pretty much this rule in the flesh."

"In fact, you've actually said it yourself… you'll always be around," Lorelai added.

Luke looked at his watch. "Do you realize that I have to get to the diner soon?"

Lorelai shook her head. "I called Caesar and told him you got caught up. You're stuck with us. Anyway, you have said it. Would you like me to refresh your memory?"

"No use in arguing. Go ahead," Luke said, faking exasperation yet again.

_When Lorelai opened the door and HE was outside, Luke wasn't exactly jumping for joy. Max wasn't the person he wanted to see at that moment, or ever, if he was being completely honest with himself. Who the heck was Max trying to impress? Obviously he was trying to impress Lorelai, but Luke wasn't buying it._

_Luke was going to attempt to set things straight on the Max front. He just wanted to make sure Max knew his role, and Luke's role, in Lorelai's life. "Yeah, I'm gonna get going. I just left my toolbox from when I was here earlier fixing things. I do a lot of little things around here for Lorelai."_

_  
Lorelai sensed the testosterone level in the room rising, so she did her best to try to leave without any punches being thrown. "Yeah, you're very handy. So Luke, we'll talk later."_

_  
"Yes we will," Luke agreed._

_  
Max inserted himself into the conversation. "Although probably not tonight," he added. "We won't be back until late."_

_  
Lorelai tried to reassure Max. "No, I meant not tonight," she explained._

_  
"Oh, I misunderstood," Max replied._

_  
" I meant tomorrow. So tomorrow," Lorelai said, directing her attention to Luke._

_  
Luke replied quickly. "Absolutely. We see each other most everyday."_

_  
"Well sure, you've got the coffee," Max said, almost as if to imply that the only reason Lorelai went in the vicinity of the diner was because Luke had coffee._

_  
"And she needs the coffee. So I'll see you tomorrow," he said to Lorelai._

_  
"Tomorrow," Lorelai repeated._

_  
"Same time as always," Luke insisted._

_  
Max jumped in once again. "I'd count on a little later," he said in a smug tone._

_  
Luke came back with the right line. "Doesn't matter what time it is. I'll always be around."_

"Luke and Max? Man fight in the house? And I missed this completely?" Rory asked. "I'm so disappointed."

Luke shook his head. "There was no fight."

"There may not have been any fists flying, but if words were weapons… sheesh!"

Luke shook his head. "All right, I have an example of when you followed the rule. And you didn't know it."

Lorelai's eyes grew wide. "And now he willingly participates in the reminiscing. Are we sure we shouldn't have him committed?"

"I'm just as stunned as you are," Rory added.

_Luke sat in the courtroom, fearing the worst as the case continued. This wasn't going to be easy. So many thoughts were running through his head. Would he get joint custody of April? What would happen if he couldn't? Is there some sort of appeal system if things didn't go his way? His thoughts were interrupted by the judge's voice._

"_All right, now that I've had the opportunity to hear from both sides in this case, I'm going to read some personal references into the court record. The first letter is written on behalf of Mr. Danes by a Miss Lorelai Gilmore. This is dated January 9, 2007."_

_Luke's heart began beating faster. He took a deep breath, listening to the judge read the letter._

_  
"To whom it may concern, In the nearly 10 years that I have known Luke Danes, I have come to know him as an honest and decent man. He's also one of the most kind and caring persons I have ever met. I'm a single mother, and I raised my daughter by myself, but once Luke Danes became my friend in this town, I never really felt alone. Luke and I have had our ups and downs over the years, but through it all, his relationship with my daughter, Rory, has never changed. He's always been there for her no matter what. He was there to celebrate her birthdays. He was there cheering her on at her high school graduation. Luke has been a sort of father figure in my daughter's life. With his own daughter, Luke wasn't given the opportunity to be there for her first 12 years, but he should be given that opportunity now. Once Luke Danes is in your life, he is in your life forever. I know from personal experience what an amazing gift that is, and not to allow him access to his daughter would be to seriously deprive her of all this man has to offer, and he offers so much. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Lorelai Gilmore." _

_With such a well written, thoughtful, and emotional letter, Luke was able to relax a little. He was so happy that Lorelai thought so highly of him… after all they had been through, after the most recent events. And somehow, all in one fell swoop, he was reassured that he would be as much a part of Lorelai's life as she claimed he always had been._

"I like his example," Rory pointed out.

Lorelai grinned. "Me too," she said.

"Don't get all emotional on me, okay? I have to sit through this entire book, and the least I hope you can do is not cry. I don't do well with crying." Luke ranted.

Rory's eyes widened. "Do I smell a Luke rant?"

Luke shook his head. "Nah. Moving on?" he asked.

Lorelai held up her index finger. "In transition, and it happens to relate to the next rule, I have to add that it was no coincidence that it was snowing when I mailed that letter."


	9. Rule 8

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 8:**

**Snow is magical and beautiful. Enjoy it any chance you get, because it's unbelievably special.**

_Lorelai had just finished a conversation she hated getting into. The snow was blocking the inn, causing her to hate snow. She never thought it was possible to hate snow. She'd always loved snow, she had a sixth sense for it, and now, she was a snow hater. Until she hung up the phone and caught a glimpse of her front yard. It was an ice rink. And there was Luke… with skates._

"_What is this?" she questioned, not knowing what else to say._

"_It's an ice rink."_

_Lorelai was stunned. "An ice rink? How did this happen?"_

"_Jack Frost brought it," Luke answered sarcastically._

"_Does he look like Luke Danes?" Lorelai asked._

_Luke shrugged. "A little. Not as handsome."_

_Lorelai was still in shock. She simply couldn't fathom what he had just done for her. It seemed like these things he'd been doing for her were so… unattainable, and somehow Luke made them a reality. "You made me an ice rink?"_

_He tried to downplay what he had done for her. "It's just a rink in a box. You set it up, you fill it with water, it's not a big deal."_

"_It is a big deal. It's a very big deal," Lorelai assured Luke as she took the skates from him._

"_Here. Try it out," he said. They sat as Lorelai eagerly laced up her skates. "My dad did this for me once. I was in a hockey phase. 'Till I broke my nose the first time. Skated right into a tree," he said, remembering the injury._

" _What in the world inspired you to do this?"_

"_Well, I felt kind of bad about you and snow, the rough time you were having, and I really wasn't helping any by saying all that stuff about snow being a pain and impractical, and it's just icy water falling from the sky, and I thought maybe I'd get you two back together. Make you feel better about snow again," he said, again downplaying the significance of what he did for her._

"_Oh, yeah?" Lorelai asked._

" _I'm grumpy about stuff but I don't want you to be," Luke replied as he helped Lorelai to her feet. "Careful," he cautioned._

"_I'm being careful. Thanks for reconciling us," she said._

"_Any time."_

Lorelai grinned as she re-told the story of the ice rink in the front yard. "And now snow is what I look forward to, every single year. Thanks to you. I don't really think you knew how big that was for me."

"Lorelai, really," Luke started.

Rory chimed in once again. "It's no big deal, yadda, yadda, yadda. You ALWAYS say it's no big deal. But to Mom, it's a huge deal. You wouldn't believe how much she talked about that ice rink."

Luke shrugged. "I just want you to be happy, Lorelai, and if snow makes you happy…"

"Thanks to you, it does! There have been so many times in my life when I loved snow, but there were two times that snow was… I don't know, elevated, for me. There was the ice rink, and there was Rory's first snow outing."

_Lorelai zipped up Rory's puffy pink snow jacket she had gotten for a steal at a local flea market. Rory would finally get to play out in the snow. Being three, Rory wasn't exactly sure what she was missing, but Lorelai knew how much Rory would love it. She opened the door to the potting shed, gently lifting Rory and placing her in the snow._

_Rory turned to Lorelai, looking back at her, almost to make sure she was close by if she would be needed. Lorelai smiled. "I'm right here, sweets, go ahead."_

_Rory trudged through the snow, stopping occasionally to pick up a handful and toss it into the air, giggling wildly as it fell on her hood. Lorelai watched as Rory stared at her boot prints in the snow, realizing she might need a little lesson of what to do when it snowed outside._

"_Hey, sweets, look at Mommy," Lorelai called. Rory turned around, squinting her eyes and watching Lorelai as she made a snow angel in the ground._

_Rory ran over, stumbling a few times in the snow because of her layers, but eagerly tried making a snow angel herself. Lorelai got up, brushing herself off, and watched as Rory made her snow angel. "Look, Mommy!" Rory squealed._

"_Let me know when you're done, so I can pick you up and you can see your snow angel… we don't want boot prints in the angel!" Lorelai coached._

_Rory came to a sudden stop. "Done," she declared._

_Lorelai lifted Rory out of the snow and into her arms. "See? Doesn't she look like an angel?" Lorelai asked._

_Rory clapped. "She's pretty," she said._

_Lorelai put Rory down and Rory began making a pile of snow. Lorelai didn't need to ask, she knew exactly what Rory was doing. "Making a snow castle, sweets?" Lorelai confirmed._

"_For the Snow Princess!" Rory squealed._

_Lorelai remembered Rory's fascination with the Snow Princess, a tale Lorelai had invented one night when Rory couldn't sleep. Rory asked hundreds of questions that snowy night a week prior, about where it came from and why it was coming. Lorelai concocted the tale of a Snow Princess who had buckets and buckets of snow, sitting on a cloud with no use. So the Snow Princess shared the snow with people like Rory and Lorelai to play with._

"_That's Mommy's girl. Let me know if you want help," Lorelai said, leaning against the potting shed and watching Rory enjoy her first snow experience._

Rory's smile grew wider. "Aw, the Snow Princess! I forgot about the Snow Princess!"

"The Snow Princess was your idol for months," Lorelai said. "You wanted to do nothing but play in the snow, all winter, from morning until night. No food, no water, just snow."

Luke looked at Rory, slightly confused. "And when you learned the real reason snow exists, were you disappointed?"

Rory shrugged. "By that time, I'd also realized that the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny didn't exist, but I was still holding out hope with Santa Claus."

"There's something about being a kid that I miss, you know? Waiting for Santa to come, sleeping on the couch… er, pretending to sleep, keeping one eye open in case he came. Finger painting, pony rides, Halloween, you know, the fun stuff," Lorelai said.

Rory hugged Lorelai. "You know, when you and Luke have kids, you can re live it…" she said.

Luke and Lorelai looked at each other, slightly taken aback by Rory's comment. Before they could answer her, she walked down the hallway, into her room, and shut the door.


	10. Rule 9

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 9**

**If you get to buy a new outfit for something, it's worth whatever torture you have to go through.**

_Luke began to unload the fishing essentials from his truck as he honked the horn to get Lorelai moving. "Let's go," he called._

_Lorelai emerged from the house, wearing something he knew most certainly was not fishing appropriate. "Hello, sailor, bait your hook for you?" she teased._

"_You look ridiculous," he said._

_Lorelai argued otherwise. "I look adorable. No one ever told me that if you fish, you get to buy an outfit. I'll do just about anything if I can buy an outfit."_

"_Well, I'll just let that go by because we have a lot to do here."_

"_Okay, wait. I'll just get my purse before we go," she said, heading back toward the house._

"_Go where?"_

"_To the lake."_

_Luke tried to picture the sorts of disasters Lorelai could get herself into at the lake. "You're not ready for the lake," he said, forgoing any explanation._

_Lorelai was slightly disappointed. "Then what am I ready for?" she asked, almost challenging him._

_He simply pointed to the small pool he had set up for her in the front yard._

"_Uh! You're putting me in the kiddie lake?" she groaned._

"_Gotta crawl before you can walk," Luke reminded._

_Lorelai sighed. "Oh, this is not at all embarrassing. There's not even fish in it!"_

_Luke dumped a bucket of fish into the empty pond. "Trout," he explained._

_Lorelai took one look at the pond and crouched down. "Hey! Aw, they're so cute! Hello, hi boys. And look, they're all 'ooh' like they're singing in a little trout choir!"_

"_I wouldn't get too attached," Luke warned._

_Lorelai ignored Luke. "Hi Gomer," she said, addressing one of the fish._

_Luke sighed. "There you go."_

"_Oh, don't be scared, Pinky!" Lorelai said, into the pond._

"_And now there's Pinky," he lamented._

"_Pinky Dowdy from fourth grade. See her eyes darting back and forth, all panicked? She got that way from dodge ball," Lorelai explained._

_Lorelai wasn't very good at the fishing thing at first. The lingo alone was confusing, but she became slightly overwhelmed when Luke tried to teach her to cast. The first time she tried, she thought she'd caught the Crap Shack, as the line went backwards. After Luke corrected Lorelai's problem, she tried it again and made it into the pool._

" _Ah! Hey, I made it in the pool, I made it in the pool!" she said, smiling ear to ear._

"_I see that," Luke replied._

_Lorelai pressed Luke for a few seconds, attempting to get him to react in some way other than being stone cold. Luke threatened to put Lorelai in the pool, so she stopped. She declined his oh so generous offer to try without the cork, and marveled at the amount of fishing gear that was needed to pull something like this off._

"_So, tell me why you're doing this," Luke said, out of the blue._

"_Because you told me to," Lorelai shot back._

"_I mean, tell me why you're learning to fish," Luke clarified._

_Lorelai tried to avoid the truth. "Oh. I told you, some of my friends are going," she said._

_Luke continued to question her until she came out with the truth. "Okay, fine, I met this guy," she admitted._

_Luke nodded, knowing that was the truth all along. "Ah."_

_Lorelai continued. "And, uh, he's kind of an outdoorsy guy."_

"_Oh, just your type," Luke said sarcastically._

_Lorelai shook her head. "No, not exactly, but he's nice and, uh, he was talking about fishing, and I think I said something like, 'Oh, hey, that sounds great', and so he invited me and here I am."_

"_I got it."_

_Lorelai suddenly felt guilty. "Sorry I didn't tell you."_

"_Why didn't you tell me?" Luke asked._

_Lorelai searched for an answer that would justify her secrecy. "I don't know. I just felt stupid getting roped into the thing in the first place, and then. . .plus, you don't wanna hear about my personal life." She went on to explain her previous date with Alex._

"_Well, I think that's great," Luke said._

_Lorelai looked at him. "Thank you."_

"_Yeah. When are you going?" he asked._

"_Sunday morning." Lorelai replied._

_Luke nodded. "Oh. Well, it's hard to be a fisher woman without your own pole. You can borrow one of mine if you want," he offered._

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah, I got an extra little tackle box, too. . . if you want," he said._

_Lorelai smiled. "That would be great."_

"Ah, the fishing," Luke said.

Lorelai shrugged. "I mean, I was suddenly going to come down with a case of whooping cough or something, and not be able to go, but then again, there was the possibility of the acquisition of a new outfit, staring me in the face. I couldn't give it up."

"Kind of like when they asked you to play Dorothy that one year in the play?" Luke snickered.

_Lorelai and Rory sat in the back of Miss Patty's dance studio, mocking every word Taylor said during the town meeting, until the crowd began to cheer._

"_Wait, whoa, what happened?" Lorelai asked Luke._

"_If you'd have paid attention, you'd have known that the first annual Stars Hollow amateur theater guild production will be 'The Wizard of Oz', and they are looking for a Dorothy," Luke replied in a monotone voice._

_Rory's eyes lit up. "Mom! You should be Dorothy! I mean, you can make yourself ruby slippers, you get to watch the movie with me, over and over… it'd be so fun, come on, Mom!"_

_Lorelai grinned. She stood up from her seat and tried to get Taylor's attention. "When are tryouts?" she asked._

_Miss Patty turned to Taylor. "Taylor, look at her. I don't think there's anyone else in this entire town that would be able to pull it off but Lorelai. And she's willing," she insisted._

"_Yeah! She'll make her own costume and everythin'!" Babette shrieked. "She'd be such a good Dorothy! Who are the other parts?"_

_Taylor flipped through his stack of papers to find the list of characters. "Kirk is the scarecrow, Morey is the Tin Man, Andrew has been cast as the Cowardly Lion… Miss Patty is Glinda the Good Witch, Babette is the Wicked Witch of the West… and I am the Great Oz."_

"_Surprise, surprise," Luke muttered under his breath._

_Taylor shook his head. "If you don't participate, Luke, you have no right to complain."_

"_Fine by me," Luke said. "I'll just complain to everyone but you."_

_Ignoring Luke's last comment, Taylor called for a vote to cast Lorelai as Dorothy. The town unanimously agreed that Lorelai would be best for the part, and she immediately went home to sew the costume together. She would be the best Dorothy they'd ever seen. _

_She practiced the heel click until she got it just right. She took singing lessons with Miss Patty twice a week to get the songs down, and spent far too much time with Kirk for anyone's good. But she was in it for the Dorothy costume. Well, sort of, at least. The day of the show, she was as nervous as ever, begging Luke to read lines with her at home before the first performance._

"_You've seen the movie hundreds of times, why do you need me?" Luke asked, handing her a cup of coffee._

"_Because," Lorelai said, taking a sip, "If I don't know this, line for line, word for word, syllable for syllable…"_

"_Point?" Luke asked, interrupting Lorelai._

_She nodded. "I just want to knock their socks off, you know? I want to make sure they know that they chose the right Dorothy."_

_Luke sighed. He stared at Lorelai, her hair in curlers and her stage makeup entirely too dark, and somehow she seemed nervous to him. That wasn't Lorelai._

"_Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?" he read._

"_Emotion! Feeling! Come on, Luke!" Lorelai insisted._

_Luke stared back at her. "Do you want my help?"_

"_Yes, please," she said, staring at her ruby slippers._

_They read lines until the performance. Taylor, doubling as director of the show, walked around to each dressing room and knocked on the door. "Five minutes to showtime, people," he said, loud enough to hear without opening the door._

"_You okay?" Luke asked._

_Lorelai nodded. "I'm great, now that you did the munchkin voice for me," she said, raising her voice on the latter part of the sentence._

"_Jeez, Lorelai, now you're going to have people running around thinking it's true!"_

_She smiled at Luke as they stood by the door. "I feel dumb in these braids," she said, breaking the awkward silence. "And I think the fact that Morey's so tall will throw off the balance of the stupid arm linking and skipping…"_

_Luke held up his hand. "No matter how bad the rest of the show is, I'm sure you'll do better than any of these other morons," he said, gently touching her shoulder. "Break a leg."_

_Lorelai nailed her performance and reveled in the glory of her talent for a long time after. Morey was too tall, Kirk fell a little too hard on his arm, causing him to dislocate his shoulder, and Andrew had a hard time with the lion purr… but the Stars Hollow Gazette deemed Lorelai the star of the show… and to her, that and the outfit were all that mattered._

"Hey!" Lorelai defended. "I was very proud of that role."

Luke nodded. "Okay…"

"So don't you demean the importance of them giving me five stars, okay?"

Luke nodded. "So sorry to offend you," he said.

"I still have the costume," Lorelai offered. "So it was all worth it."


	11. Rule 10

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 10**

**When songs have eerie similarities to your life situation, it's not a freakish coincidence.**

_Lorelai was greeted onstage with cheers and applause. She was slightly tipsy. Not tipsy enough to completely forget what went on the next day, but tipsy enough to sing in front of Stars Hollow. "Honey, it's another embarrassing moment for your diary!" she said, directing the comment to Rory. _

_As the music began, Lorelai put down her drink. Clearing her throat and letting out a nervous laugh, she smiled at her daughter. "Happy graduation!" she said. Rory smiled back._

"_If I... should stay," she sang, letting out yet another nervous laugh, "I would only be in your way…"_

_Thoughts of Rory's recent trials flashed through Lorelai's mind. She so badly wanted to protect Rory from the world, keeping her in Stars Hollow forever, but she knew she had to let Rory go. She was a bright, sweet, and talented girl who would make it far._

"_But I know I'll think of you each step of the way, and I-I-I will always love you," Lorelai sang. It was true. She would always love Rory, no matter what. After all they'd been through, Lorelai knew the feeling would be mutual._

"_I will always love you…" Lorelai looked out into the crowd and saw Luke walking into the bar. Luke? She knew she'd be entirely nervous now… and the song somehow morphed from a goofy graduation tribute to a serious serenade, telling Luke exactly how she felt. She knew the Handbook, she knew the rule… it wasn't coincidence. Luke smiled back at her as she continued to pour out her heart._

"_Bittersweet memories, that's all I'm taking with me, so goodbye please don't c-cry…" she was on the verge of losing composure. She saw Miss Patty and Babette turn to Luke, so she knew that everyone realized exactly what was going on. This would certainly be the talk of the town for a long time, and there was simply nothing she could do about it. She felt helpless, yet determined to give Luke a hint as to how she felt._

"_We both know I'm not what you need," she sang, thinking the opposite in her head. Now she was just confusing herself. "And I will always love you, I will always love you."_

_She took another look at Luke, making sure he knew what she was trying to say. He seemed to get the hint, as the expression on his face was one she hadn't seen in quite awhile. It was pure happiness. Not the fake happiness she'd plaster on for him, or he would for her, just to avoid breaking down. This seemed truly genuine._

_She took a deep breath and belted out the last part of the song. "I hope life treats you kind,  
and I hope you have all you dreamed of, and I wish you joy and happiness,but above all I wish you love, and I-I-I will always love you, I will always love you,I will always... love you."_

_Lorelai left the stage, worried about nothing more than getting out of there before she broke down. That was an embarrassing experience, yet an experience she felt like she needed, partially as a catharsis, and partially to give Luke a hint about what was going on in her jumbled up brain._

"See, now if I knew that rule, and I knew everything that was going on in your head… jeez, Lorelai," Luke said, shaking his head.

Lorelai tried not to laugh. "I don't think I could have been more deliberate, Luke, barring you overhearing me talking to Babette and Miss Patty… it was completely directed at you," Lorelai replied softly.

Luke turned to her. "I guess that's why you're attempting to teach me these rules, then."

Lorelai nodded. "It's only for your own good. And you know, you weren't Master of the Obvious when you were pining for me, either."

He thought back to the night Lorelai sang karaoke to him. He'd heard her talking to Miss Patty and Babette, and somehow, he didn't want to believe what she had said to them. He thought back to all those years he had thought about being with her, and when he finally made his move. "Yeah, I guess not."

Rory piped in. "See, I knew that was to you the whole time. And I know another time Mom secretly got freaked out about musical interludes…"

Lorelai gasped. "You wouldn't!"

Rory smiled an evil smile. "Watch me," she teased.

"_Ooh! Oh! Stop it there," Lorelai shrieked. "U2!"_

_She and Rory were stuck in traffic, on the way to Friday Night Dinner in Hartford. Rory, as the sole occupant of shotgun, had the rights to the radio as Lorelai drove. Neither one knew how the rule was instituted, it just became a rule. Rory was kind to Lorelai most of the time, allowing Lorelai to listen to what she wanted to unless there was something hundreds of times better on another station._

"_It's over," Lorelai pouted, looking at Rory._

"_As everything has to be at one point or another," Rory replied, adjusting the volume. "Ooh, Lane hates this song."_

_Lorelai strained to listen to the song that was starting. "Is this Vertical Horizon?"_

"_Yeah… it's called 'Everything You Want'. I must admit, this is a good song. Have you heard it?" Rory asked._

_Lorelai sat back, putting the Jeep in park and taking her hands off of the steering wheel. They weren't going anywhere for awhile. "Yeah, I just don't know the words. I make up the words to songs I don't know, to make it look like I know what I'm singing."_

_Rory smiled. "This song reminds me of your relationship with Luke."_

_Lorelai jerked her head toward her daughter. "Luke? Where the heck did you come up with Luke?"_

"_Just listen, here comes the chorus," Rory urged._

_Lorelai obliged. Sitting back and watching the stationary traffic ahead of her, she had no choice. How on Earth could a song describe her relationship with LUKE? Luke was someone she had always thought of as her best friend, but a song like this didn't really portray Luke as her best friend. It painted a picture of Luke as someone she had never thought of him to be before that very moment._

"_**He's everything you want, he's everything you need, he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time, but he means nothing to you and you don't know why."**_

_Lorelai's eyes widened. Was it true? This was absurd. Luke… the man with the backwards baseball cap, the flannel shirt, monosyllabic and hermit like tendencies? It couldn't be Luke._

"_**You're waiting for someone to put you together, you're waiting for someone to push you away, there's always another wound to discover, there's always something more you wish he'd say."**_

_She turned to her daughter, her jaw dropped and her confusion gone. Rory simply motioned to the radio and put her index finger to her lips, insisting that Lorelai listen to the rest of the song._

"_**He's everything you want, he's everything you need, he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time, but he means nothing to you and you don't know why."**_

"_Rory," Lorelai tried to protest._

_Rory responded with a fierce "SH!" and pointed, forcefully this time, to the radio._

"_**But you'll just sit tight, and watch it unwind, it's only what you're asking for, and you'll be just fine with all of your time, it's only what you're waiting for."**_

_Lorelai shook her head in disbelief. It was another one of those stupid songs that pulled at her stupid broken heartstrings. They'd been toyed with so many times over the years, and she was not prepared to take it anymore… or was she?_

"_**Out of the island, into the highway, past the places where you might have turned, you never did notice, but you still hide away, the anger of angels who won't return."**_

_Then came the chorus again. The chorus that told her, over and over, that Luke was who she wanted and needed, but he meant nothing. Then the end of the song eliminated any confusion Lorelai could have had._

"_**I am everything you want, I am everything you need, I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be, I say all the right things, at exactly the right time, but I mean nothing to you and I don't know why."**_

_Lorelai sighed and looked at Rory. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath, turning down the radio and riding the rest of the long, excruciating drive to Hartford in silence while Rory reveled in her pride of introducing the song that would change Lorelai's view on her relationship with Luke._

"A part of me has this odd desire to hear that song that left you speechless," Luke teased.

Lorelai opened her mouth, staring at Rory, still shocked that Rory could reveal what she had sworn was sacred to Luke. "You just told sacred, secret, confidential information!"

Rory shrugged. "Get used to it. It's not just going to be me and you anymore. He's gotta know some dirt."

"Oh, well, if that's how you play this game," Lorelai laughed nervously, "I'll tell him all of your embarrassing stories!"

"That's fine, because I'm sure there's not that much Luke isn't aware of," Rory replied, assuring both herself and Lorelai that she wasn't threatened.

Luke shook his head. "Is there going to be bloodshed in this living room? If so, I need you to move it outside."

"No, no, we're fine. It's just going to be a war of the words," Rory teased, flipping the book to the next page.


	12. Rule 11

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 11:**

**Gift giving is an art. The gift you give to someone should mean something to you, but more to its recipient.**

_Lorelai had Luke's present in the bag. She clutched the handle as she walked into the diner. She hoped Luke would like the hat as much as she did. There was just something about giving Luke a hat that made her get that gift-giving feeling. It was the feeling that she got when she found the perfect gift for someone, and no matter how many other stores and other gifts were consulted, that one gift sticks. No other potential present compares._

"_Hello," Lorelai said._

"_Hey, how's your dad?" Luke asked._

"_Better, though he says that life is not life unless it includes a steak. How come you're not out with everybody?" she questioned._

"_I had some things to do," he replied._

_Lorelai decided that the moment was right to give him his present. "Right, anyways, this is for you," she said, handing the bag to Luke. She was never the best at broaching the topics she needed to discuss, so she just went right to it._

_Luke was confused. " What's it for?"_

"_Just thank you, Christmas, whatever," Lorelai answered, hoping that explanation was satisfactory._

"_Christmas isn't for two weeks," Luke protested._

_Lorelai knew that was coming. "Do we really have to do this again?" she asked as she watched him open the present. "I just thought, you know, God forbid something happens to that one, you might need a spare. Here," she said, placing the baseball cap, bill forward, on Luke's head. She cringed. "Does that look wrong," she said, turning the hat backwards. "There!"_

_Lorelai took a brief moment to look at Luke in the new blue hat. It suited him. It matched not only his eyes, but the blue flannel he wore so often. Somehow, the hat completed the "Luke look". It was the perfect gift._

"You mean to tell me that the hat you're currently holding hostage until I pay the ransom of sitting through all of these rules is your idea of a perfect gift for me?" Luke questioned.

Lorelai nodded. "Yes."

"Giving it back would be nice, then. You can't take back a gift you've given someone. I'm sure it's written in every etiquette book out there," he insisted, reaching for the hat she kept beside her.

Lorelai tossed the hat across the room. "Quick, Rory, hide his hat until he's heard all the rules!" Lorelai shrieked.

Rory poked her head out from her room and reached for the hat, conveniently located right outside her door. She quickly grabbed the hat and ran upstairs with it.

"I love how well she listens," Lorelai said, reveling in the fact that Luke was semi-annoyed.

"Well, you know, I can beat you at your own game, you know," he interjected.

Lorelai's eyebrows furrowed. "Huh?" she questioned.

"I can come up with examples for these… the last one caught you off guard, how about this one?" Luke teased.

Lorelai shrugged. "Hey, you're Tom Hanks-ing it, telling me there's no crying. If you want the water works, go ahead. You're bringing it upon yourself, you know," she protested.

_Lorelai walked out the front door, watching as Luke attempted to relocate something large and wooden off of the back of his truck._

"_What is that?" she asked._

"_Oh, it's a chuppah," Luke answered._

_Lorelai somehow knew that this thing she'd never heard of with a funny sounding name was going to mean more than it sounded like it did. "A what?" _

"_A chuppah. You stand under it, you and Max. It's for your wedding."_

"_Did you make that?" she asked._

"_Yeah, I had some time, so… here, give me a hand, huh?"_

_Lorelai was taken aback by such a nice gesture on Luke's part. "Luke, it's beautiful," she said, not knowing what else to say._

"_Yeah, well, I saw a picture in a book. The picture looked better."_

_Lorelai admired Luke's work. It was so intricate, so beautiful. It obviously took hours upon hours of Luke's time. "It's got carvings. Birds and flowers."_

"_Yeah, there's also a goat," Luke pointed out._

"_A goat!"_

"_Yeah, I don't know what it stands for, but it was in the picture, and you like goats, right?" Luke asked. He hoped she did, there was no turning back now._

"_Yeah, goats are good," she said. _

"_Okay, so there you go."_

_Lorelai tried to piece her thoughts together to form a sentence that made sense. "What on earth inspired you to do this?"_

"_You're getting married. You can't just stand in the hot sun in the middle of a lawn that hasn't been mowed in weeks. I guess he doesn't mow," Luke offered._

"_No, Max isn't a mower," Lorelai replied, slightly repulsed by the thought._

"_Okay, you needed something. Here it is. I'll mow it if you want," Luke said, trying to be nice._

"_We got a guy who does that. One of the Pete's from the nursery."_

"_Big Pete?" Luke asked._

"_Little Pete," Lorelai answered._

"_He's the better of the Pete's."_

"_We've always thought so." Lorelai said, echoing the sentiment. "Hey, aren't chuppahs Jewish?" she asked, trying to awkwardly change the subject as they made their way to the front steps. They sounded Jewish, why couldn't they be Jewish? Even though she knew nothing about being Jewish, Lorelai knew what sounded it._

"_Maybe," Luke replied._

"_Is it okay that Max and I aren't Jewish?"_

_Luke looked at her. "It's okay by me."_

"_No, but I mean to stand under it. God won't smite us or anything?"_

"_I highly doubt it. Plus God'd probably have to get a license from Taylor to do any smiting in Stars Hollow on a weekend, so I'd say you're safe," Luke said. He thought for a moment about what he had said about Max earlier in the conversation and attempted to set things straight. "You know, I wasn't putting down Max. He seems like a really good guy," he said._

"_He is, and you were putting him down."_

_Luke realized that Lorelai was right. "Yeah, well, I didn't mean to," he said, attempting to defend himself._

"_Did you mean all those things you said about marriage?"_

_It was a question he wasn't really expecting at the moment. "What things?"_

_Lorelai had plenty of examples ready. "You really want me to repeat them to you?"_

_He started talking, letting whatever answer came out suffice for the moment. "No. I mean, I guess, for some people marriage, you know, isn't the worst thing in the world. I mean, it's probably better than being hobbled or something like that."_

"_And people can evolve together, don't you think?" Lorelai asked._

_Luke wasn't really sure. "Maybe," he said._

_Lorelai tried to present her side. "Yoko and John Lennon did. They just got closer and closer as the years went by. At the end, they had the same face."_

"_Yeah, it got a little spooky."_

"_But cool," Lorelai added._

_Luke thought about what Lorelai had just said. "Yeah, they were lucky. I guess if you can find that one person, you know, who's willing to put up with all your crap, and doesn't want to change you or dress you or you know, make you eat French food, then marriage can be all right. But that's only if you find that person," he insisted._

"_Yeah, if you find that person," Lorelai replied. They both got up and stood under the chuppah. Lorelai had thoughts of Luke carving the chuppah, and how completely selfless and thoughtful a gift this was. Luke thought about Lorelai in the terms they'd just finished speaking of… marriage. _

Lorelai put her head on Luke's shoulder. "Your chuppah has been a mainstay in this yard for years," she said.

"You liked it that much?" Luke asked.

She grinned. "Hey, you think we could use it? Or is it… tainted or something?"

He kissed her forehead. "It's your gift. Use it how you want to use it."

Lorelai leaned across the couch and wrote "chuppah" on the pad of post-it notes with last minute wedding reminders sitting on the table.


	13. Rule 12

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 12**

**If someone's going through something, be there for them, even if the situation makes you feel awkward.**

"_Oh my God!"_

"_Shut up Taylor. What's going on?" Luke said, abandoning his Taylor rant to make sure Lorelai was okay._

_Lorelai could barely talk. "My father's in the hospital."_

"_What?"_

"_Yeah, he collapsed or something. I don't know. I need a cab. I need to call a cab. Where's the phone? I need - can anyone give me - I'm holding a phone." Lorelai was becoming a wreck. She was upset, scared, and confused, all at the same time. It was so rare that this happened, Lorelai was usually so composed. _

"_I'll drive you," Luke offered._

_The next moments were chaos for Lorelai. By the time she realized what was happening, she was in Luke's truck, on the way to the hospital. Lorelai's impatience was growing to an unbearable level, and she wasn't about to let it pass._

"_We're being passed by senior citizens," she pointed out, frustrated she couldn't have already been at the hospital._

"_I'm going as fast as I can," Luke protested._

_Lorelai didn't really comprehend Luke's comment. "Bye Grandma, bye," she said._

_Luke kept his pace. "There's ice on the road, those people aren't being safe."_

"_Well, maybe they're not being safe," she started, "but at least they're getting somewhere."_

_Lorelai questioned the voicemail and the lack of details it left over and over. She was in no mood for vague messages and she was beginning to fear the worst._

"_What if he's dead?"_

"_He's not dead," Luke said, attempting to reassure Lorelai._

_Lorelai wasn't buying it. "How do you know?"_

"_I know."_

_Lorelai wasn't happy with the lack of details in that answer, either. "Oh, you're psychic now? You're suddenly getting visions while you're driving 20 mph in the oldest truck known to man?" she paused, reviewing what had just come out of her mouth. "I'm sorry, you're killing yourself to get me there and I'm yelling at you. I don't mean it."_

"_I know."_

_Lorelai began to ramble, searching for a story or memory that would be fitting for the moment. Luke just listened as she went on about her father and how he was a good guy, but he just wasn't the type to buy her a Barbie. She revealed her fear that she had completely disappointed him._

"_I can't imagine anyone seeing you as a disappointment." Luke said simply._

_After arriving, and getting in touch with who they needed to get in touch with, the waiting game began. _

"_God this sucks," Lorelai offered._

_Luke tried to make her feel better for the umpteenth time that day. "Hey come on, you gotta think positive here - bright side, good thoughts. Rainbows, unicorns, clowns, little cute…furry - ok I'm out. _

"_Thank God," Lorelai replied._

_Lorelai wasn't sure of exactly how much of a sacrifice Luke was making for her. That is, until a gurney passed by. Luke took a deep breath and tilted his head back, making his uncomfortable state obvious._

"_Jeez are you okay?" she asked, concerned that another patient she knew would need to be admitted that night._

_Luke responded quickly. "Yeah, I'm just not big on hospitals… you know, the smell, people being wheeled by with tubes sticking out of them, you know, drainage, fluids, gaping holes…"_

_Lorelai immediately felt terrible. "Okay, listen, why don't you go home?" she offered. She just didn't want to see Luke uncomfortable._

"_You want me to go?" he asked._

"_You don't look so good," Lorelai pointed out._

"_Thanks."_

_Lorelai tried to clean up the mess she had just made. "That's not what I meant. You know you always look good," she started._

"_Yeah?"_

_Lorelai again said something Luke was misinterpreting. Or, Lorelai had just said something that anyone could interpret as Luke was, but she was just digging herself into a deeper hole. "I mean, you always look healthy."_

"_Okay," Luke responded, confused. _

"_But you don't look so healthy now. Now you look…"_

"_Unhealthy," Luke said, finishing her sentence. _

_Lorelai took a minute to mull over the awkward conversation that had just taken place. The awkwardness compelled her to further explain herself._

"_So I said you look good. We're not in 5th grade. 'You look good', big deal. Stop staring at me," she insisted._

_After finding out that Richard was going to be okay, Lorelai again slightly embarrassed herself. This time, it wasn't through her incessant rambling, but her emotions. She began to cry after revealing what she knew to Luke._

"_Hey," Luke said, wrapping Lorelai into a hug. "Okay, see here's where the guy is supposed to give the girl his handkerchief but I don't have one…and plus I find the practice a little revolting so…" Luke left the sentence unfinished._

"_No, I'm okay," Lorelai insisted._

"_You sure?" Luke asked._

"_Yeah," she said._

"_Alright. Oh hey, I got this for you," Luke said, presenting her with a cup of coffee._

_Lorelai was shocked. "Ah, where'd you get that?"_

"_Nurse's lounge," Luke stated as if it were such a simple answer._

"_Uh-huh," Lorelai said._

_Luke was taken aback by her reaction. "What? You're not the only one who can flirt."_

_Lorelai laughed, looking at Luke and waiting for the real answer._

"_The door was open," he admitted._

_Lorelai was so thankful for what Luke had done for her. And as much as she hated the fact that he had to be her knight in shining armor in a hospital, she appreciated it._

"You have no idea how much we appreciated that, Luke. You were entirely selfless to do that for me, for both of us. Even though it put you in an awkward position, especially the second time… just, thank you."

Luke nodded. "You're welcome," he replied.

Rory poked her head out of the bedroom. "Can I add a funny story to this?"

"Sure," Luke said, "I've had enough sappiness today for a lifetime."

_The crowd applauded as Rory and Paris took the stage. Rory was starting to get slightly nervous. It was the Chilton Bicentennial speech. She couldn't screw this up, especially in front of C-SPAN. Paris arrived, but the real Paris was going to have to show up soon, or this would be the debacle of a lifetime. Rory gave the beginning part of the speech, with Paris just staring out into the audience. She paused, seeing if Paris would pull it together and jump in. But she didn't. So Rory continued._

_" These are only three of many countless views on the expansion of the human mind. I personally believe in all of them, and fortunately for me, so does Chilton. An institution not just because of age and standing, but because of ideas. Because it encourages ideas and it will accept nothing less than everything you have to give. This is the place where our lives start."_

_Paris began to speak, giving Rory a fleeting hope that everything would be okay. But she was wrong. "You know, it's funny, me standing here before you right now. I've thought about nothing else for four years but this school, this big important school with all of its history and tradition and really super teachers. And I dedicated myself to it completely, heart and soul, believing in its power, believing in its ability to get me where I needed to go. Harvard. I thought of nothing else. Many of you out there can attest to that fact. I was on my way and nothing could stop me. And here's the really funny thing – after four years of slaving away, I go home today and I found this."_

_Paris held up an envelope. Rory was horrified. This was going worse than she could ever imagine. But still, making a fool of herself, Paris continued. "I'm not going to Harvard. I got the tiny envelope, the one that reads, 'Sorry, Paris. We're not interested. Try again next year. Love, Harvard.' And the thing that's really funny here is, who in the world deserves to go to Harvard more than me? Have you seen how hard I've worked over these past four years? I mean, can anyone here believe that I'm not going to Harvard? I can't. I'm not going to Harvard. I am not going to Harvard. I had sex, but I'm not going to Harvard."_

_Rory knew it was time to try and salvage the speech. "Okay," she interrupted, hoping that would deter Paris from continuing._

"_And I have to tell you that if you asked me which of those two events I thought would be the least likely to happen, it would not be the not going to Harvard."_

"_Thank you and good night," Rory said, forgetting about the speech, but attempting to preserve her friend's dignity._

_And still Paris continued. "I'm being punished. I had sex, so now I don't get to go to Harvard."_

"_Paris, come on," Rory pleaded, trying to lead her off of the stage._

"_She's never had sex. She'll probably go to Harvard. She's a shoe in. Pack your chastity belt, Gilmore – you're going to Harvard!"_

_Rory wasn't going to let Paris go any further. "Come on!" she insisted._

_Rory sat down with Paris, forgetting about their fight, forgetting about what had just happened, and trying to make her friend feel better. They sat on the staircase and Paris began to cry._

"_How could I have not gotten into Harvard? Five generations of Gellars have gotten into Harvard. Even if I was the Billy Carter of the family, the name is still supposed to carry some weight," Paris lamented._

"_Paris."_

_Paris ignored Rory. "They had to really not like me for me to not get in."_

"_Paris," Rory said, again attempting to get her attention._

" _It's like they know me or something."_

"_Stop. I know how much this meant to you, Paris, but you are going to get just as good an education at one of the other great schools you're destined to get into. And you know what? Maybe it's a good thing that you're going to a different school than the rest of your family. You'll be doing your own thing, starting your own tradition. Doesn't that sound exciting?" Rory said, attempting to get Paris to look on the bright side._

_Paris changed the subject. "I can't believe I slept with Jamie. I'm a slut," she cried._

"_No, you're not. You love him," Rory replied._

"_What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if he doesn't think I'm special anymore? How am I going to tell him I didn't get into Harvard? What am I gonna do?" Paris wondered._

"_Paris, I don't know why you didn't get into Harvard, but you are so smart and so special and you'll see, everything's gonna be fine," Rory said. She was hoping that her words would reassure her friend. After a brief visit from Lorelai to ensure that the girls were doing okay, Paris spoke up._

"_Well, all I've gotta say is, after all the trouble this sex thing has caused me, I better have been good."_

_Rory was relieved to hear what Paris had just said. "That's the perspective I know and love."_

Lorelai giggled. "Awkward turtle," she said, doing the hand movements. "I remember that! Paris… how's Paris?"

Rory shrugged. "I checked her Facebook and she seemed to be doing fine."

"How come I never heard this fascinating story?" Luke said. "And is Paris the one that came in the diner with you that day?"

Rory nodded. "The one and only. And I'm not sure, Luke. There will be plenty more stories to come, I'm sure."


	14. Rule 13

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 13**

**Movie nights are bonding nights.**

"_I love your poodle skirt, Mom!" Rory gushed, putting on her blush._

_Lorelai spun around. "It was really easy to make. And I look adorable!"_

"_That you do. Which Pink Lady are you supposed to be, anyway?"_

_Lorelai shrugged. "I like Frenchy, and I love Rizzo, but you know, I think I'm just going to be generic tonight."_

"_Generic is the new specific," Rory teased, putting gel into her curly ponytail._

"_Hey! Let's be really fifties, and head to the diner and sit at the counter and order a root beer float!" Lorelai gushed. "We can even annoy Luke in the process!"_

_Rory wiped her hand. "What are we waiting for?" she asked, running down the stairs._

"_Hey, at least you had saddle shoes already… Mommy still has to break hers in!" Lorelai called from the top of the stairs. "And don't scuff 'em, because Headmaster Charleston might banish you to detention!"_

"_I'll guard them with my life," Rory replied, tying her shoes._

_Lorelai walked downstairs and linked arms with Rory. "To the diner!" she said, opening the door._

_As they entered the empty diner, Luke gave them a confused look. "What's with the getup?" he asked. "We're almost closed, you two are dressed up… is there a sock hop you're late for?"_

_Rory sat down at the counter. "It's 'Grease' night tonight. Mom and I are dressing up for this one. Only the most special ones require costumes."_

"_And this is supposed to be considered as fun?" Luke asked, wiping down the counter._

_Lorelai nodded. "Has anyone ever told you that you look strikingly similar to Elvis Presley?" she asked._

"_No, and I don't think they should. Are you taking medication for your delusions?" Luke questioned._

_Rory held up her hand. "No fighting on Grease night… although I could see Luke as a Doody or a Danny… definitely not a Kenickie, though," she said._

"_No way are you roping me into this one," Luke said. "I'm watching the baseball game tonight, and I am perfectly content with that."_

_Lorelai pouted. "Well, at least get us burgers, extra cheese, and two root beer floats, please? You're our first stop before we sing our little hearts out with Danny, Sandy and the gang."_

_Luke wrote down their order. "Somehow I never saw you two as fans of something so… mainstream."_

_Rory gasped. "We were born to hand jive, baby!" she said, defending their interest in 'Grease'._

_Lorelai tilted her head. "Well, see, I just like the music, especially when John Travolta gets on top of the car and does that thing…"_

"_Stop right there," Luke insisted._

_Rory giggled. "Oh, so he's seen the movie!"_

"_In high school, yes," Luke replied. "I'm going to make your food."_

_Lorelai put her chin in her hands. "You sure you don't want to come with us?"_

"_The Red Sox are playing against the Yankees tonight, to decide who wins the series. I don't think so," he said._

_Lorelai scrunched up her nose. She wasn't listening anyway, she was opening and closing her hand with Luke's words, like a hand puppet. "Tell me more, tell me more, like does he have a car?" Lorelai added sarcastically. She got no answer, just an eye roll. "Fine, suit yourself. Movie nights are bonding nights… you're missing out."_

"_Missing out?" he grunted._

_Rory looked at Luke with her puppy dog eyes. "Please, Luke?"_

_Luke shook his head. "I don't do stuff like that."_

"_Fine," Rory sighed. "You're missing out, you know that."_

"_I can manage, and I've already been informed that I'm missing out."_

_Lorelai and Rory finished their meal and headed back to the house to watch the movie. They assumed their usual places on the couch and the usual amounts of junk food were sitting on the table. When they popped in the movie, they sang along to the opening credits._

"_You know, I don't understand what the appeal of Kenickie is to the girls. I mean, he's tall, yes, he can reach high shelves in the house or in the grocery store, but he's not very good-looking," Lorelai contemplated, grabbing a slice of pizza._

_Rory shrugged. "Beats me. Personally, I like to believe that Danny is the main focus of the movie, so therefore, Kenickie's attractiveness or lack thereof is rather unimportant."_

"_But still, Kenickie's the one doing half the flirting and making out and stuff like that. Come on, now, he's supposed to be just as much of a Romeo as Danny," Lorelai protested._

"_Are we seriously having a debate about Kenickie versus Danny?"_

_Lorelai shook her head. "No, it's more of a general wondering. And you know, I had a principal in high school who looked just like that guy. Rather creepy if you ask me."_

"_The resemblance, or the guy himself?"_

_Lorelai scrunched up her nose. "Ah, both. Oh, shhhh!" she said, pointing to the TV, ready to sing along to the first song of the movie._

"_I've always wanted to know who's version of summer was real. I mean, looking at it, it seems like Sandy's is real, but what if there was some hidden 'Grease' scandal? Then what?" Rory questioned as Lorelai sang._

"_I don't know. Just take it for what it is, and then we'll mock it slightly as we go," Lorelai decided._

_Rory nodded. "Done."_

Luke shook his head. "You seriously confuse me with the movies you watch. You'll watch something so obscure one minute, but mainstream the next. What, do you watch for the movie reviews and go to the bad ones on purpose?"

"Well, we find a variety of things amusing, so, it's more of a mishmash of movie tastes, brought together here, in the Gilmore home. We just hear about movies and see them. No preconceived good or bad thoughts," Rory explained.

"And seriously, Luke, you watch 'Star Wars', who says that's not cheesy?"

Luke shook his head. "They're classic movies, Lorelai."

"So are 'The Godfather' and 'Casablanca'," Lorelai pointed out.

"And I argue because?" Luke questioned.

"I wouldn't be talking, mister," Lorelai teased, "I seem to recall a romantic movie night you planned for me."

_Lorelai and Luke were walking hand in hand through the town, and Lorelai hated having no idea what was going on. She was slightly confused, and entirely clueless, and she didn't like that feeling at all._

"_Now, Luke, you know I hate secrets," Lorelai warned, shaking her finger at him as though he were being scolded._

_He shrugged. "Then you're going to hate tonight. It's our first anniversary of being a couple again, Lorelai, and I certainly think the occasion calls for a little secrecy."_

"_Well, just make sure I get to try out your Invisibility Cloak when you're done. I want to go and torture a few select people, or just Kirk," Lorelai said, giggling at the thought of frightening Kirk in the middle of the night._

"_I'll see what I can do," Luke said, shutting the door to the Crap Shack behind him._

_The walk wasn't a long one, although Lorelai's incessant questions like 'Are we there yet?' and 'Is it bigger than a breadbox?' made the journey seem endless. When Lorelai and Luke reached their destination, Lorelai was surprised to be at the movies._

"_We got all dressed up, and there was all this secrecy, just over the Black, White, and Red?" Lorelai whined._

_Luke ignored her comment, knowing Lorelai wouldn't care so much in a little while. He took her hand and walked into the BWR. Kirk was there to greet them._

"_Luke, Lorelai, we've been expecting you. Your popcorn is being popped, and loaded with extra salt and butter, as requested. We have Mallomars here behind the counter if you'd like them, and the Icee machine is up and running. Have you chosen your movie?"_

_Lorelai turned to Luke, smiling. "Am I correct in my presumption that we have this theater to ourselves?"_

_Luke nodded. "And since this is your night, you have a choice of 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' or 'The Godfather'. And take as long as you need to choose."_

"_Very tough decision. Do you go with the oompa-loompas, or the mob? This is a tough decision. Let's go with Willy Wonka," Lorelai decided._

_Kirk nodded. "Excellent choice. You may choose any seat you'd like, and we will bring your food over in just a moment. Enjoy your night."_

"_Well, isn't this nice? Maybe you should keep things from me more often," Lorelai whispered._

_They chose their seats, ate the food, and attempted to get through the movie without Lorelai commenting on it. Part of her wanted to mock it, but another part wanted to just enjoy the moment. So, she did a little of both._

"_I've always contemplated the choice of makeup for this scene," Lorelai started. "I mean, really, what makes them look like that, and not like Munchkins from Oz? And you know what?"_

_Luke interrupted her with a kiss. She pulled back and giggled. "I'm trying to watch the movie," she teased._

"_Good thing you've seen it before, then," Luke shot back, leaning in for another kiss._

_Lorelai pulled back again. "Maybe I chose it because I want to watch it again," she whispered._

_Luke reached into his pocket and pulled out a box. He opened it up and handed it to Lorelai. "Lorelai, will you marry me?" he asked._

_She looked back at Luke, stunned. "Luke…"_

"_I love you, Lorelai. I love everything about you. You're beautiful, you're a great mom, and contrary to popular belief, I think your movie commentaries and your… coffee obsession is… part of you, and I don't ever want to watch another movie without someone whispering random thoughts next to me."_

_Lorelai beamed, and sighed. "Yes, I will marry you, Luke," she said, leaning in to kiss him._

_Luke pulled away this time, slipping the ring onto her finger. "I thought you wanted to watch the movie."_

_Lorelai wiped away a tear and shook her head. "Like I can come up with good side anecdotes now. And besides," she said, pulling him closer, "I've seen it already."_

Rory sighed. "I still stand by my position that Luke is a big softie."

"Yes, and he's MY big softie," Lorelai teased, wrapping her arm around Luke.

"The world's biggest softie, ladies and gentlemen, right here," Rory teased.

Lorelai sighed. "So we've given you lots of rules now. How many can you remember?"

"If 'Run for your life while you still can' was a rule, I'd remember it better," Luke muttered.

Lorelai giggled, putting her head on Luke's shoulder. "You know I'm so fascinating, you wouldn't be able to survive without me," she teased.

"Never," Luke replied, taking the book and turning the page.


	15. Rule 14

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 14**

**Randomly bursting out in song is good for getting air to your lungs.**

"_Hi, can you take a little constructive criticism?" Lorelai asked._

"_No," Luke replied in his usual grumpy state._

"_Okay. This place could use a makeover," Lorelai continued._

"_Hmm," Luke responded._

"_Yeah. It just needs a sprucing up. Like a coat of paint," she offered._

_"I don't spruce," Luke insisted._

_Lorelai was stunned. "What do you mean you don't spruce?" she gasped._

_Taylor interjected his own opinion into the conversation. "What he means is he won't spruce, that's what he means."_

_Luke was angry now. "Taylor, do not start," he warned._

_Taylor didn't heed Luke's warning. "Me and the rest of the town beautification committee have been hounding him for years to freshen up the place -- maybe a couple of nice zinnia pots out front, some yellow awnings, a peppy little cardboard pig announcing the specials -- but he's a mule. He won't talk, he won't reason, he won't spruce. You might as well forget it, Lorelai. I'm forgetting it too."_

"_Finally a Taylor Doose position I can get behind," Luke sighed._

"_Faded paint is a bad reflection on the whole town," Taylor continued._

_Luke rolled his eyes. "Whatever happened to giving up?"_

"_When standards slip, families flee and in comes the seedy crowd. You got trouble, my friends," Taylor mused._

"_Right here in River City," Lorelai added._

"_This is not funny, Lorelai," Taylor shot back._

"_Does anyone want anything?" Luke asked, exasperated._

_Lorelai was quick to answer. "Uh, yes, I do. I want to know why you won't paint this place."_

"_Painting's a pain," Luke started, "I'd have to close the place for a day -- which I can't afford -- or paint it in the middle of the night -- which I don't want to do because I hate painting."_

"_OK, how about this? I'll help you. I love to paint," Lorelai offered._

"_You do?" Luke asked, not terribly surprised._

"_Yes, I do," Lorelai confirmed._

"_You love it?"_

"_I want to marry it," Lorelai affirmed._

"_You have strange passions," Luke muttered._

"_She likes washing dishes too," Rory added. "She's multi-faceted abnormal."_

"_Ah, come on. We'll drink a couple beers, we'll sing painting songs…"_

"_Painting songs," Luke repeated, confirming what he had just heard._

"_Yeah, painting songs. Like, uh, you know, the song that goes, um…" Lorelai began to sing. "'Grab your brush and grab your rollers, all you kids and all you...bowlers, we're going paintin' today!' Say yes or there's another verse," Lorelai warned._

"_Well I guess maybe...if I had help," Luke consented._

"I must say that was some of your best work, Mom."

Lorelai blew Rory a kiss. "Your money's in your room, I paid in twenties."

Luke shook his head. "You two have very twisted minds."

"Ah, right, that's what you told us that one time where we sang 'The Song That Never Ends' in the diner!" Lorelai squealed.

_"This is the song that never ends… yes it goes on and on my friends!" Lorelai sang as she walked into the diner._

"_Have they ran tests on you yet? Do you need a ride to the facility, because I'd be more than willing to drive you," Luke growled from the counter._

"_Some people… started singing it, not knowing what it was, but they continued singing it forever just because… This is the song that never ends…" this time Rory joined in._

_Luke walked over to the table they had seated themselves at. "What do you think you're doing?"_

_Rory continued to sing and Lorelai attempted to answer Luke's question. "Well, what does it look like we're doing? We're singing!"_

"_I was aware of that… but WHY? Do you think you could stop?" Luke pressed._

_Lorelai picked up where Rory left off, creating a tag-team effort. "See, Luke. This is the song that never ends. If we stop singing it, it ends. And it's the song that never ends, so you can't stop. That would defeat the purpose of the never ending song."_

_Luke shook his head. "This town is full of a bunch of weirdos. You two are included in that statement, in fact, you're who it was modeled after. You know you're going to have to end the song sometime? Like when you go to sleep?"_

_Lorelai shrugged. "It won't end today!"_

"_If I can do anything about it, it will. No coffee for either of you until you stop singing," Luke threatened._

_The girls immediately stopped singing. "See, I'd much rather have coffee than sing," Lorelai insisted._

"_I concur," Rory said._

Luke nodded. "Yes, the silence was music to my ears. I can't tell you how much I love the silence."

"If you love silence, then why are you marrying my mother?" Rory teased.

Luke shrugged. "You make sacrifices for those you love."

"Awwww," Rory teased. "Luke's a big softie!"

He rolled his eyes and straightened up. "I am not a softie. I am a human being with an ability to love someone, that's it."

"Well, that's more than we knew about you for a while," Lorelai muttered, turning the page.


	16. Rule 15

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 15**

**It is perfectly acceptable to pretend the man you're standing next to is your significant other.**

_Luke had called Lorelai in a panic earlier that day, hoping she'd help him find a reasonable apartment for him and Jess to live in. They were being shown an apartment that was turning out to be really nice after all._

_"It's a very quiet street and the owner keeps the building up beautifully. He hasn't remodeled it at all. Plus, I bet he could be persuaded to give the floor a little spruce if you like," Mary said._

_Lorelai jumped right in. "Oh yeah, we'd like a spruce," she answered._

"_A spruce is unnecessary," Luke insisted._

_Lorelai was appalled. "Hey, you never turn down a spruce!" she said._

"_She's right – listen to her," Mary said._

"_Yeah, listen to me," Lorelai repeated._

_Luke rolled his eyes. " You rarely give me a choice," he replied._

"_Come here so I can lick your face," Lorelai said._

_Luke was appalled. "What?"_

"_Now, I went over the square footage and the details of the lease with your husband this morning. Did he fill you in?" Mary asked._

_Luke had to replay what he had just heard in his head for a moment before he responded. "What? Oh no, we're – ."_

_Lorelai interrupted him. "No, no, he didn't, but you know how men are. The minute that ball game comes on, all the realities of life just go right out the window."_

"_Don't I know it," Mary agreed._

"_I mean, I could answer the door wrapped in cellophane but unless I was wearing a Yankees cap. . .ugh, he wouldn't even notice!" Lorelai continued._

_Luke was officially mortified. "Jeez," was all he could say._

"_Oh, don't be embarrassed Snuffy, I'm just teasing. It'd be a Mets cap," Lorelai said, further embarrassing Luke._

_Luke had seen and heard just about enough. "Hey Mary, could you possibly leave me and little missus alone for just a minute?"_

"_Why, of course!" Mary replied._

"_I promise we won't do anything dirty," Lorelai added._

"_Oh please, if my husband and I looked anything like the two of you, we'd never get dressed," Mary insisted._

_Lorelai giggled. "Oh, you are bad!"_

"_Let me just leave this rental agreement with you in case you decide to fill it out," Mary said, leaving the necessary paperwork with Luke and Lorelai._

"_Thanks," Luke said._

"_Oh, I hope you take it. It's got a great vibe for a nice couple like you two," Mary gushed, walking out the door._

_Lorelai pointed to Luke. "Oh, thirteen different shades of red!" she teased._

"_What is wrong with you?" Luke asked, annoyed that she would pretend they were married._

"_You make it too easy," Lorelai protested._

_Luke was appalled. "By standing here?" he questioned._

_Lorelai brushed off Luke's concerns. "Oh, relax Snuffy. Let's talk. What do you think?"_

Rory giggled. "I've never heard that one before, so I guess there's lots of new dirt being dug up here!"

"Yes, my child," Lorelai teased. "And you'll really, really like the next story I've got for ya!"

Luke rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Here we go," he muttered under his breath.

"Come on, Luke, you loved it when I pretended to be your girlfriend, admit it!" Lorelai teased, poking Luke playfully in the arm.

"There's another story? I'm starting to get worried that these stories are going to scar me for life," Rory joked.

Lorelai shrugged. "They're good stsories, funny anecdotes, worthy of Thanksgiving table conversation... even Luke knows it."

"Why don't you let me speak for myself?" Luke asked.

"Because I do enough talking for the both of us. Now, can I get through this book, or do you want to prolong it for as long as possible?" Lorelai questioned.

Luke sighed, sinking lower onto the couch and consenting to listen to the rules some more.

" _Lorelai, I would like to introduce you to Shel Sausman. Shel, this is Lorelai Gilmore."_

_"_ _It is really nice to meet you," Shel offered._

_  
__"_ _Well, it's nice to meet you, too," Lorelai said politely._

_  
__"_ _Shel is going to be our poultry supplier," Sookie explained._

_  
__Lorelai smiled. _ _"Oh, that's great!"_

"_He sells only free-range, hormone-free, and he's recently divorced," Sookie added._

_  
__Lorelai knew exactly what was coming. "_ _Oh, well, I assume that one doesn't have anything to do with the other," she teased._

_  
Shel laughed. "You're funny. She's funny. You know, they say pretty women usually aren't funny because they never had to be. Were you a fat child?"_

_  
__Sookie had done her part. _ _"Um...I'm gonna go out and check with Michel on something, and you guys just talk till I get back," she insisted, attempting to leave._

_  
__Lorelai tried to avoid an awkward situation. "_ _Hey, uh, what do you need to talk to Michel about?" she asked, hoping Sookie would let her go instead._

_  
__"_ _Tablecloth supplies," Sookie replied._

_  
__"_ _I can do that," Lorelai protested._

_  
__"_ _Michel likes me better. Talk! Just talk!" Sookie demanded, leaving the room._

_  
__"_ _Listen, Lorelai," Shel started._

_  
__Lorelai_ _was quick to interrupt. "Shel, have you met Luke? Hey, Luke...Get up! Uh, Shel, this is Luke."_

_  
__"_ _Nice to meet you," Shel said._

_  
__"_ _Yeah, you too," Luke replied._

_  
__Lorelai decided to make Shel a little uncomfortable. "_ _Luke is my...special friend," she said._

_  
__"_ _Oh?" Shel asked._

_  
__"_ _I have to tell you, renovating this place has been a real nightmare. I just don't know how I would have gotten through it without him," Lorelai said, leaning against Luke and forcing him to put his arm around her waist. "Have I said thank you to you recently?" she asked, directing her attention to Luke._

_  
__"_ _Uh...no." Luke replied._

_  
"Oh. Well, thank you," Lorelai said._

_  
__"_ _You're welcome."_

_  
__Lorelai could sense the awkwardness coming from both Luke and Shel. _ _"Well, it was nice meeting you both. I'm just gonna go say goodbye to Sookie," Shel said._

_  
__"_ _Oh. Bye, Shel," Lorelai called._

_  
__"_ _Bye, Shel," Luke echoed._

_As soon as Shel left the kitchen, Lorelai moved Luke's arm. "Don't touch my stomach," she demanded._

_"You put my hand there," Luke defended._

Rory was in tears she was laughing so hard. Lorelai was getting there, too. Luke shook his head and attempted to get up from the couch until Lorelai pulled his arm.

"No," she said, between laughs. "Stay… here!" she lost it again.

Luke rolled his eyes. "You did that to me… more than just those times, but you did it to me."

"Oh, please, you make me sound desperate," Lorelai said, brushing the comment off.

Rory caught her breath. "One more example, and I swear you can move along," she pleaded. "Please, please?"

Luke nodded. "I honestly don't even think your mother remembers this one."

Lorelai gulped. "Oh, man, here we go."

"_Do you have a map?"_

_Lorelai turned around to face the speaker. He was a tall, well built man with green eyes. He smiled at Lorelai as she stammered._

"_Luke, do we have maps of Stars Hollow?"_

_Luke raised his eyebrows, knowing exactly what to expect. "He doesn't mean that kind of map."_

"_Because I get lost in your eyes," the man said._

_Lorelai looked at the man and quickly went behind the counter, ignoring the fact that he was flirting._

"_Lorelai!" Luke began to protest, but he wouldn't get very far._

"_Honey, he wants a map, let's get him a map," she said, planting a kiss on his cheek. "We've gotta have one around here somewhere," she said, crouching down and poking Luke, pretending to look. "Ah! You know where they have maps?" she asked, springing up and wrapping her arm in Luke's. "Doose's probably has maps. See, my fiancé here isn't really big on town events, and he's lived here all his life… no need for a map!"_

_The man nodded. "Doose's. Thanks," he said, walking out of the diner._

_Luke pointed to the stool she was previously sitting on. "Sit."_

_Lorelai rolled her eyes. "All right, honey cakes."_

_"He's gone now, Lorelai, and do not call me honey cakes ever again."_

_"How's stud muffin?" Lorelai asked._

_Luke stopped in his tracks. "If you ever want to drink another drop of my coffee, you will call me Luke."_

_Lorelai pouted. "When you were a kid, were you the one that wouldn't play on the swings because it was too dangerous? Because you have no fun."_

_"I meant what I said, Lorelai."_

Rory laughed. "Another great story I can tell. Fantastic."

Lorelai's mouth was still hanging open in disbelief. "I forgot about creepy green eyed man!"

"Well, Rule 15 saved you, rule 16?" Luke turned the page.

"It's not that simple. Rules save us occasionally, but still, they're not to be glossed over as you just did," Lorelai gasped, taking the book back and shaking her head.

Rory giggled. "So much to teach Luke, so little time."


	17. Rule 16

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 16**

**Winning may not be everything, but, hey, it's pretty important.**

_Lorelai excused herself from the table and answered the phone. She'd had a feeling it was regarding the Dance Marathon, but she wasn't quite sure._

"_Hello? . . . What? . . . Oh, no no, no no, don't tell me that. . .Well, did you tell her how big the trophy is, because I am really not exaggerating here. . . How did your wife get a picture of me? Stanley, that is crazy! I don't wanna sleep with you. . . Did you tell her I don't wanna sleep with you? . . . Well, put her on the phone. I'll tell her I don't wanna sleep with you. . . Well, somebody has to tell her I don't wanna sleep with you. . . Why are you insulted all of a sudden? . . . Stanley? . . . "_

_Lorelai hung up the phone and walked back to the dining room, completely and totally dejected. She wasn't going to win without a partner. "Great," she muttered, returning to the table._

"_What happened?" Rory asked, concerned._

"_Stanley bailed."_

"_No! Why?"_

_Lorelai attempted to explain the sticky situation. "Apparently, Miss Patty showed his wife a picture of me, and she thinks I look like Elizabeth Taylor, which makes her Debbie Reynolds, and Stanley Eddie Fisher."_

"_That's crazy," Rory insisted._

"_Especially if you've seen Stanley," Lorelai agreed. "He's no Eddie Fisher, trust me. Fisher Stevens, maybe."_

_Rory attempted to remain optimistic. "Can't you talk to her?"_

"_Apparently, only at my own risk."_

_Emily also attempted to make Lorelai feel less upset about the situation. "Well, at least she thought you looked like Elizabeth Taylor. That was nice."_

_Lorelai didn't listen. She was so close to getting the coveted trophy, but it was being taken away from her so quickly. She was very disappointed. "I have no partner," she sighed._

_Rory tried to reassure her mother. "You'll find another one," she insisted._

_Emily agreed. "Elizabeth Taylor always did."_

"_There's someone else out there, trust me," Rory said, trying to lift Lorelai's spirits._

"_I guess," Lorelai said, still upset over the whole ordeal. Her brain couldn't stop turning, and all the way home she wanted to think of a way to win the contest. She finally came up with a solution._

_Rory was in the living room with Lane and Dean when Lorelai approached her. "Rory, can I talk to you in the kitchen?"_

"_Oh, sure," Rory replied, adding one last comment into the conversation with her boyfriend before walking into the kitchen. "Okay, so what's on your mind?"_

_Lorelai began to explain her story. "I think I figured out who can be my dance partner for the marathon."_

"_Great! Who?" Rory asked, partially out of genuine interest and partially out of complete and total relief that she wouldn't be hearing about her lack of dance partner until the next marathon. However, when Lorelai began to stare at Rory, without answering, Rory knew exactly what was going on. "Bye," she said, trying to get out while she could._

"_Come on!" Lorelai pleaded._

_Rory wasn't buying it. "Forget it," she insisted._

"_Just hear me out. First of all, you love me," Lorelai protested._

"_Not right at this moment, I don't."_

_Lorelai continued. "You know how much this contest means to me. You'd never fall asleep or chase a pie."_

"_I do not dance," Rory said with conviction._

"_It'll be fun," Lorelai said, attempting to entice Rory. "We'll get all dressed up, and you're light – easy to hold up when you get tired."_

"_Mom."_

_Lorelai ignored Rory's concerns once again. "Plus, we got the whole mother/daughter gimmick going for us. The crowd'll eat that up!"_

"_I cannot dance with you," Rory said._

_Lorelai was curious. "Why not?"_

"_Because this is Dean's first marathon. We were gonna go and watch and hang out, he's totally looking forward to it," Rory explained. "I told him about how Andrew gets in a fight with his date in the first fifteen minutes and storms off the floor. I told him about Taylor getting punch-drunk at hour fifteen and telling stories about how he always wanted to be a magician."_

_Lorelai wasn't convinced. "Rory, please."_

"_And ooh, I told him about how when Kirk wins, he likes to take his victory lap around the floor to the theme from Rocky. I was gonna show him all those things, and I was gonna show them to him sitting down," Rory continued._

_Lorelai had one more argument. "He can still come, and he can still see all those things, except if you dance, maybe that victory lap will be you and me instead of Kirk."_

"_Okay," Rory consented, "I'll tell you what. I was supposed to work on the Franklin this weekend with Paris."_

_Lorelai knew there would be a catch to the acceptance. "But?"_

"_I will ask her if we can reschedule. If she says yes, then I will dance with you."_

"_Oh, I love ya!"_

"_You should sell cars," Rory said, almost defeated._

_Lorelai grinned. "I should, shouldn't I? Hello, big fancy trophy," she said, visions of the trophy floating in her mind._

"Is that all you two care about, that stupid trophy?"

Rory giggled. "No, she cares about the trophy, and about winning. The Dance Marathon is so much fun. I think you should do it with Mom this year, Luke."

Luke shook his head, and the comment elicited the exact response Rory was looking for. "No. I don't do crazy town things. It just doesn't happen. No."

Lorelai nodded. "That's a great idea. How about we make a bet, and if I win the bet, you have to dance with me. If I lose, you're off the hook."

"Fine. You never beat me in anything, anyway, so that's fine. Good luck finding a partner for the marathon."

Lorelai put her hand in the air, getting Luke's attention. "Hello. Uh, I seem to recall that night I beat you in 'Go Fish'."

"_Mom, you can't beat Luke at poker, you're just going to have to accept it!" Rory said, looking up from her book._

_Luke sighed. "Rory's right, Lorelai, we've played fourteen games today alone. You've never won against me, and I don't think you will. I have to get back to the diner."_

_Lorelai grabbed Luke's arm. "Can we play something else? Something that I have a decent shot of winning with?"_

"_We have Candy Land in the garage if you want to go get that," Rory teased._

_Lorelai let out a sarcastic laugh. "Why didn't I think of that?" She turned her attention to Luke. "How's Dream Phone?"_

_Luke started getting up from his chair. "No, no, I was kidding! Go fish?" Lorelai pleaded._

_He grabbed the cards and began to shuffle them. "One game. If you lose, too bad. I'm going home, and I'm not falling for the puppy dog eyes. Got it?"_

_Lorelai nodded. "You're going down. I'm going to kick you where the sun don't shine. I am gonna…"_

"_I guess trash talking isn't your calling," Luke observed, dealing the cards._

"_She has talent in other areas," Rory said without looking up from her book._

_Luke dealt the cards and organized his own, placing two matches aside._

"_You have matches already?" Lorelai gasped._

_Luke nodded. "Yes, Lorelai, I do, is that a problem?"_

"_The fact that you were the dealer constitutes a problem, yes."_

_Rory rolled her eyes. "Come on, Mom, Luke wouldn't cheat, just take your hand and play the game, okay?"_

_Lorelai sighed. "Fine. But if you win… I'm blaming it on your filthy cheating."_

"_Just call me Shoeless Joe," Luke said sarcastically._

_Lorelai wrinkled her nose as she rearranged her cards. She suddenly whipped her head up. "Hey, who's Shoeless Joe?"_

_Luke shook his head. "Black Sox, 1919 World Series… you wouldn't know. It's your turn."_

"_Got any eights?" Lorelai asked, tilting her head to the side._

"_Go fish," Luke replied._

_Lorelai groaned. "I'm losing!"_

_Luke sat back in his chair. "If you're going to whine like a five-year-old, then I'm going home."_

"_Fine. Fishing."_

_Lorelai and Luke played through the game and all the cards were now gone. Lorelai counted her matches several times, to ensure the accuracy of her total. She placed her matches in a neat pile and waited for Luke to finish his count._

"_Twelve," Luke announced._

_Lorelai shot up from her seat, dancing and jumping up and down, thrilled that she had finally beat Luke. "I beat you! Lucky thirteen! Oh, yes, I, Lorelai Gilmore, beat Luke Danes at GO FISH!"_

"_Congratulations," Luke said, raising his eyebrows, waving goodbye to Rory, and leaving the house._

_Lorelai realized that Luke was no longer there and looked at the cards on the table. She'd clean them up later, she just won at Go Fish._

Luke shook his head. "I have never seen someone so competitive at a stupid card game before," he pointed out.

"Oh, well, you're just going to have to get used to it, because I am going to kick your butt far more often now that we're getting married," Lorelai said.

"Someone's awfully confident," Rory joked.

Lorelai winked at Rory, giving her daughter a thumbs-up, almost to assure Rory that everything was taken care of, like she had a plan to win the next time.


	18. Rule 17

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 17:**

**There are often times where jealousy is perfectly appropriate.**

_Lorelai and Rory weren't sitting through a Poe performance without some commentary, that's for sure. They'd just gone for the sake of going, as they really had nothing better to do that night. Lorelai turned to Rory as the first Poe recited 'The Raven'. _

"_That Poe was downright funalicious," she joked quietly._

"_He was a troubled man. He enjoyed a little bit too much of the hmm-hmm," Rory said, making a gesture that implied that Poe enjoyed drinking._

"_Mime?" Lorelai asked._

_Rory sighed. "You know what I meant."_

_Lorelai got an idea. "Oh, mime. That reminds me – Yale, best drama school bar none. Put that in the pro column. "_

"_I'm not taking drama," Rory protested._

"_No, but it means you'll have the best on-campus productions. You'll get to see the next Meryl Streep all goofy and eighteen and doing crap like, 'Hey, name an occupation!' 'Plumber!' 'Name a farm tool now!' 'Tractor!' 'Hey, I'm a tractor doing. . .plumbing," Lorelai said, attempting to entice Rory to put the reason on her list._

"_That's what they do at the Yale drama school?"_

_Lorelai shrugged. "So I've heard. Oh, that's weird."_

"_What?"_

"_Over there," Lorelai answered, pointing to another man dressed as Poe sitting in the audience. _

_Rory was confused. "A second Poe?"_

"_It's like a Poe story in itself," Lorelai mused._

"_The Case of the Two Poes."_

"_The Messrs Poe and Poe."_

"_Oh, that's good."_

_Lorelai suddenly stopped when out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Dean sitting with a blonde girl. She debated mentioning it to Rory, fearing she was still sensitive about the subject. She mulled it over in her head for a brief moment, and then decided to go ahead and point him out. "Oh, hey, there's Dean. Hey, is that, uh. . ."_

"_That's Lindsay," Rory confirmed._

"_Hm."_

_It was at that moment that Dean caught sight of Rory and Lorelai and waved. Lindsay, however, wasn't as cordial. She gave a cold stare and turned around again._

"_Oh, I think she's ready to go to the ghetto on you," Lorelai said, directing her comment toward Rory._

_Rory wasn't bothered by it. "Well, I don't have a problem with her. She's really nice. And, you know, once she…"_

"_Bought you a magnet shaped like Mark Twain's head? Yes, I've heard the anecdote," Lorelai interrupted._

"_Sorry," Rory apologized._

_Lorelai continued. "I think she should just mellow. I mean, you've both moved on. What's the problem?"_

_They sat for a moment, listening to the 'Poe' recite his poem. Lorelai started to get antsy. "I don't remember The Raven being this long," she said._

_Rory agreed. "It could've used some editing."_

_Lorelai nodded. "Oh, hey, did you put drama school on the Yale pro list?"_

"_Nope."_

"_Come on, do it, we'll forget,"Lorelai insisted._

"_I don't have a pen," Rory protested, hoping the subject would be dropped._

_Lorelai wasn't going to let it go, however. "Aw, jeez," she said, leaning toward Luke (and Nicole) who were sitting across the aisle. "Hey, psst. Hi, Nicole," Lorelai whispered, attempting to get her attention._

"_Hi, Lorelai," Nicole answered._

_Luke inserted himself into the conversation. "Hey, how long is this thing?"_

"_He's got at least five nevermores to go," Lorelai answered._

_Luke rolled his eyes. "Ah, jeez."_

"_Do you got a pen?" she asked Luke._

"_No."_

_Lorelai wasn't taking 'no' for an answer. "Come on, cough it up," she insisted._

"_I don't have a pen," Luke said once again, hoping she'd get the hint._

_Lorelai, however, pressed on. "You've got a restaurant. Where's the pen you take orders with?"_

"_I wasn't anticipating taking orders at the Poe reading."_

_Lorelai was disappointed. "Hm, there goes your Boy Scout badge,"she said with a pout._

"_Uh, Mom," Rory whispered nervously._

_Lorelai turned around to find that the performing Poe was staring her down. When he continued, Lorelai turned to Rory once again. "Busted by a Poe," she said, almost defeated._

"_Hope he doesn't put a curse on us," Rory replied._

"_Or complain when he goes back to being Fred Larson, Tampa dentist," Lorelai added emphatically._

_It was then that Nicole tried to get Lorelai's attention. "Hey, Lorelai."_

_Lorelai turned to Nicole. "Hm?" she replied, almost absent-mindedly, until she saw Nicole handing her a pen. She reached over to get it. "Oh, you're an angel, thanks."_

"_I'll need it back," Nicole said coldly._

_Lorelai was confused by the sudden change in mood. "Yeah, sure," she answered, not sure what to make of the entire situation._

"_Hm, looks like Nicole's got a little Lindsay attitude going," Rory teased._

"_Not really. Really?"_

_Lorelai couldn't get the thought out of her mind for the rest of the night. Was Nicole really jealous of her? Was she jealous of Nicole? What a weird concept, Luke having a woman in his life who was jealous of Lorelai Gilmore. Seriously, they were just friends. What did Nicole have against Lorelai? Lorelai couldn't think of anything she did that could possibly offend her… _

"Nicole really didn't like you," Luke replied.

Lorelai tilted her head to the side. "Hmm. I wonder why. Could it have anything to do with the fact that you talked about me on your first date?"

Rory poked her head out of the kitchen. "You talked about Mom on a first date? Ouch."

"Hey, I wasn't thinking it was a big deal, I was just telling stories," Luke defended.

Lorelai shrugged. "No need to defend yourself. Look, I mean I've got you now, and I like hearing stories about me. I find it amusing. And I have to admit, I wasn't too fond of Nicole either. Appropriate jealousy… see? Because we were meant to be together, it was appropriate to be jealous."

"So you wouldn't mind if I told a little anecdote of my own, then?" Luke replied.

"Ooh, since Luke was pining, he must have some really, really good jealousy stories!" Rory added.

_Luke thought back to earlier, when she had come into the diner, asking him to make an appearance at her party. He found it odd that she'd asked him, seeing as how she was marrying Max, but since she asked, he wasn't going to tell her no. It was virtually impossible to say 'no' to Lorelai. As much as he protested, and grumbled… he eventually gave in because she was who she was._

_He took a deep breath and made his way out into the town square, where he saw Lorelai dancing with Max. The look she gave Luke nearly killed him. It was one of those patented 'Lorelai' looks. One of many that broke Luke down at one time or another. This one was a look that seemed to tell him that she wasn't really happy… but she was going through with marrying Max instead._

_Luke tried to shake it off, being nice and making an appearance, but there was something about that look that he'd never forget._

"Ah, so you were always jealous of me and whoever I was dating!" Lorelai giggled.

Luke shrugged. "Yes, yes I was. Don't tell me you weren't jealous, because you've alreadymade it clear that you were."

"Point made," Lorelai conceded. "So you've got 17 rules in your head now… isn't that fun?"

"More fun than frolicking in the fields on a sunny day," Luke said sarcastically.


	19. Rule 18

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 18**

**Involvement in the innermost workings of your town is crucial. If you don't go to the meetings, you miss out on the chance for commentary or annoying Taylor Doose.**

_Lorelai and Rory arrived to find the town meeting had already started._

"_Late again, are we?" Taylor said, directing his comment to the Gilmore ladies._

_Lorelai gasped. "Yes, I hope I'm not pregnant!"_

_Taylor looked out into the crowd in complete confusion. "What?" he asked._

"_Are these seats taken?" Lorelai asked Luke._

"_Don't drag me into this," Luke warned._

"_You really have to work on your punctuality, Lorelai. I banged the meeting in a half an hour ago," Taylor insisted._

"_Uh, dirty!" Lorelai said._

_Taylor continued. "I'm gonna take advantage of this unexpected pause in our proceedings to confer with Miss Patty about the next item on our agenda."_

_Lorelai turned to Luke. "What'd we miss?"_

_  
"Harry's retiring," Luke said, like it was no big deal._

_  
"The twinkle light man?" Rory asked in disbelief._

_  
"What do we do for twinkle lights?" Lorelai asked._

"_Go to any discount store?" Luke offered._

_  
Lorelai was ashamed. "Blasphemy!" she said._

_  
Rory directed her attention to Jess. "What are you doing here anyhow? This is a town meeting for people who participate in and care about the town."_

"_Well, Corky's Country Cavalcade on public access was pre-empted, so I thought I'd check out the next best thing," Jess replied sarcastically._

"_I'm surprised you have time to be here," Lorelai said to Luke, remembering that he was in the midst of funeral plans for his uncle._

_Luke sighed. "I don't, but I haven't been able to get any of the war reenactors on the phone and I have to confirm them for Louie's funeral."_

"_All right now, the last order of business is a matter relating personally to me, therefore I'm going to give Miss Patty my gavel," Taylor announced, interrupting any side conversations that were going on._

"_Again, dirty!" Lorelai declared._

"_Stop that," Taylor chided Lorelai. He then gave Miss Patty his gavel. "Now don't go power mad," he warned._

"_Oh, all right, gee. Now the chair recognizes Taylor Doose. Taylor, you have the floor," Miss Patty said, as instructed._

"_Thank you, Patty. My issue, ladies and gentlemen, is in the form of a grievance against this hirsute hippie who opened a produce stand in the park," Taylor said, referring to the new vegetable vendor._

_Babette added her two cents. "Oh yeah, killer veggies," she interjected._

"_Tasty," said Sy._

"_The squash is beautiful," Miss Patty gushed._

"_Sexy – it's sexy squash," Babette corrected._

_Taylor didn't care what the town thought. "Sexy or not, I demand that this man produce his permit post haste," Taylor ordered._

"_Got it right here," said the troubadour-turned-vegetable vendor._

_Taylor took the permit and read it over. "Mm hmm, just what I thought. This is not the proper permit for this kind of business. This is a type twenty-four B, otherwise known as a cart, kiosk, cart, kiosk permit. This is not valid for your business."_

"_Why'd you say it twice?" the vendor asked._

"_Hmm?"_

"_You said cart, kiosk, cart, kiosk," Babette confirmed._

"_It's repetitive," Lorelai added._

"_And redundant," Rory replied, responding to Lorelai's comment._

"_It's repetitive," Lorelai repeated._

"_And redundant," Rory said once again._

_Lorelai put on a fake accent. "We certainly are entertaining, Mac," she said, turning to Rory._

"_Indubitably, Tosh," Rory agreed._

"_It's not redundant. It's three separate things. It's a cart, a kiosk, and a mechanical hybrid referred to as a cart-slash-kiosk, hence cart, kiosk, cart/kiosk," Taylor protested._

"_He did it again," Babette pointed out._

"_He's been stressed lately. His store is deserted," Kirk piped up._

"_I'll make it simple," Taylor said, attempting to explain the permit's purpose. "This is for businesses that roll in in the morning and roll out at night. Emphasis on the word roll – rolling businesses, businesses that roll."_

"_But I carry my tables out at night," the vendor contested._

_Taylor didn't buy his argument. "But you're supposed to roll them, Rapunzel, and carrying isn't rolling, is it? I mean, did anyone hear the word rolling come out of his mouth? Check the transcript, I think you'll find one word missing – rolling!"_

"_Transcript?" Miss Patty asked._

"_Yeah, Taylor, this isn't Charlie Rose," Lorelai declared._

"_He's losing his marbles," Babette agreed._

_Andrew decided to give his opinion on the matter as well. "It's just a personal vendetta," he said._

"_His store is deserted," Kirk repeated once again._

"_I think that we should end the meeting right here, Taylor," Miss Patty insisted._

_Taylor wasn't giving up. "Wait a second, wait a second! You there, when Lady Godiva here wanted to be town troubadour over you, I stood by your side. Why aren't you backing me now?" he asked, directing his question to the town troubadour._

"'_Cause you left me twistin' for a long time before you did, Taylor, and it didn't feel good. I even wrote a song about the experience," he replied._

_Lorelai nodded. "Oh, I heard it. It's called "Taylor Left Me Twistin'."_

"_Oh yeah, it's really good," Rory agreed._

_The troubadour turned to Lorelai and Rory. "You think? Because I'm having a little trouble with the chorus. Taylor left me twistin', he set my eyes a mistin'. I'm just not sure if it has that thing, though, you know?"_

"_Oh, no, I love that part. I actually thought that maybe at the end you could do more about the sweater. We'll talk," Lorelai insisted._

"_I'm gonna wrap this up," Miss Patty interjected._

_Taylor gave one more effort to get the townspeople on his side. "Now, Patty, how would you feel if this guy decided to open the long-haired freak school of dance or the long-haired freak diner, Luke? Or the long-haired freak bookstore? It's not good, right?"_

"_All right, everybody who agrees that we would not feel good about that, say aye," Miss Patty conceded._

"_Aye!" everyone answered in unison._

_Miss Patty ended the meeting. "Meeting adjourned, goodnight."_

"One of the classic town meetings we've been to," Lorelai raved.

Rory agreed. "It was some of our best commentary, I'll say that."

"You guys purposely comment on the meetings?" Luke groaned.

Lorelai giggled. "Just for reactions like that. It's the reason we do it."

"It's our inspiration!" Rory grinned. "I'm going to run a few errands, and I'll pick up April at the airport if you would like me to."

"We would like you to. Luke's stuck here," Lorelai teased. "April will want to be a part of this extravaganza."

Luke attempted to protest. "I'm not allowed to go pick her up from the airport? She's not going to know to look for Rory!"

Lorelai pushed him back onto the couch. "She's a big kid. She'll recognize Rory. Next example."

_Taylor had been going on and on about the need for the town to leave the 'foliage' the way it was. Lorelai snapped out of her daydream just in time._

"_It's not like we're cutting down the trees, Taylor, we're just raking the leaves out of our way!" Gypsy interjected._

"_But Gypsy, Stars Hollow is famous for the beautiful autumnal foliage! If the tourists don't see it, they'll be disappointed!" Taylor protested._

_Lorelai felt the need to get technical. "So if the tree is on our property, Taylor, doesn't it belong to us? We rightfully own the property, and everything on it, so therefore, we do with the leaves what we wish. I'm thinking obnoxious pumpkin face bags!" she said, poking Rory._

"_Oh, those are so cute! And we can put them on the porch for Trick-or-Treaters!" Rory agreed._

_Taylor banged his gavel on the podium. "Lorelai, technically, your bags can be considered a trash violation and you can be fined for it."_

"_Don't call my little pumpkins trash! You'll hurt poor Bobby and Cindy's feelings!"_

_Rory giggled. "Don't forget Marcia and Greg."_

"_We'll get the whole Brady Bunch! Minus that weird cousin who sank the ship that was the Brady craze," Lorelai added._

_Taylor tried to get the attention of the town once again. "Let's put this to a vote, people. All in favor of doing what you wish with the leaves on your own property?"_

_The entire town in attendance voted to do with the leaves what they wished, much to Taylor's dismay. He sighed. "Fine. Now to the issue of town Trick-or-Treat. I'm imposing an age limit this year, of eleven years old."_

_Rory turned to Lorelai, her jaw dropped. "Eleven? That's crazy!"_

"_I was going to go this year! I totally had my costume planned…" Lorelai pouted._

"_Taylor, come on, an age limit? The entire town loves goin' out and dressin' up and gettin' candy! I still Trick-or-Treat!" Babette protested._

_Taylor rolled his eyes. "Babette, the age limit is strictly because there weren't enough people to give candy out last year. Those who wish to Trick-or-Treat will go to a few houses, only to find their candy sack half full."_

"_Well, I can solve that one, we go in shifts! You give everyone a time period to go in, and they get candy at that time. Then the next shift goes and everyone gets the chance to give and receive candy!" Jackson said, proud of himself for coming up with such an innovative idea._

"_I was going to be Madonna, in the 'Like a Virgin' video… wedding dress, makeup, teased out hair…" Lorelai added._

_Taylor glared at Lorelai. "You will do no such thing. That violates costume ordinance number 25, making a sexual innuendo through your costume."_

"_Taylor, Freud believed everything had to do with sex. You could interpret anything you wanted to have an innuendo. Let's Trick-or-Treat in shifts, and let us do whatever costume we want that's not wildly inappropriate, all right?" Andrew added._

_Taylor consented. "Let's bring it to a vote. All in favor of the shifts?"_

_Everyone raised their hand, and the meeting was adjourned. "I got the best idea for your costume," Lorelai told Rory. "You're someone with an identity crisis. You just put lots of "Hello, my name is" stickers all over your clothes."_

"_Brilliant!" Rory said, following her mother back to the house._

Luke shook his head. "Your costume ideas are some of the strangest I think I've ever heard of."

"Well," Lorelai shrugged, "you're only young once, or in my case, you're young forever, but once. You've got to get creative. There were only so many years that I could stand Mia buying me the little sheep costume or the pumpkin costume for Rory. They got cliché after awhile, so I had to be innovative."

Luke shook his head. "You never cease to confuse me."

"I'm trying to enlighten, mister, not confuse. Moving on."


	20. Rule 19

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 19**

**There's no such thing as an overemotional Gilmore. Every emotion is justified.**

"_Hey. I need to talk to you," Lorelai insisted._

"_Where have you been?"_

_Lorelai brushed him off. "It doesn't matter."_

_Luke pressed on. "What are you talking about it doesn't matter, I've been looking everywhere for you. I tried your cell. I went by the inn. Patty was at your house."_

"_Let's elope," she said suddenly._

_Luke was shocked. "What?"_

_Lorelai had her mind made up. "Come on, Luke. Grab your keys. Let's go."_

"_Elope?" Luke was still trying to process the idea._

_Her impatience continued to build. "You said that would be fine at Martha's Vineyard. Didn't you say that would be fine at Martha's Vineyard?"_

_Luke tried to justify his thoughts. "Yes, I did. I'm just…"_

"_Come on, then! Let's go! We can drive to Maryland. What the hell, right? I mean, you have to see Maryland eventually. We can drive there, get married, and then come back here. And you'll get your stuff, and you'll move in."_

_This was getting to be too much for Luke to handle. "Okay, hold on."_

"_I mean we have the plan already, right? We just have to put the plan in motion," Lorelai continued, fearing him saying 'no'._

_Luke tried to be rational. "Let's calm down. We don't have to figure all this out now, do we?"_

"_Yes, we do, because we've been waiting and putting it off, and I don't want to put it off anymore."_

"_But right now?" Luke asked in disbelief._

_Lorelai was quick to respond. "Yes, now is the right time. It's the best time because it's now!"_

"_Come on," Luke said, opening the door._

"_Your car or mine?" Lorelai asked._

_Luke wasn't ready to go elope. "Lorelai, let's just talk this through."_

"_No, I don't want to talk, all we've done for months is talk. I want to do. I want to go."_

"_We can't just take off and get married," Luke protested._

"_Why not, Luke? Don't you love me?"_

_The question hurt Luke. "You know I do."_

"_But I love you, Luke. I love you. But I have waited, and I have stayed away, and I have let you run this thing, and no more. I asked you to marry me, and you said yes."_

_Luke remembered the proposal, and he knew Lorelai loved him. He just couldn't digest all of the happenings in the short time span he was being given. "Yeah, I'm just trying to think here."_

_Lorelai continued. "We fixed up the house, right? We have a bigger closet, and I didn't get the purple wallpaper because you didn't want the purple wallpaper. And if it's between you and the purple wallpaper, I pick you!"_

"_I didn't tell you not to get the purple wallpaper," Luke said, eager to defend himself._

"_Oh my God, you didn't like it," Lorelai shot back._

_Luke wasn't going to have the wallpaper debacle blamed on him. "I don't care about wallpaper!"_

_Lorelai wanted one question answered. "Do you care about me?"_

"_Yes!"_

"_Because I'm going crazy here. I made a commitment to you, and I need to make it happen," she insisted._

_Luke tried to reassure her. "It will, it will happen, okay? I just have April to consider."_

"_But once we're married, everything with April will be fine. Anna said so," Lorelai replied, trying to make Luke feel more comfortable with the idea._

"_Anna said so, what does that mean?"_

_Lorelai started to explain. "When I talked to Anna…"_

"_When did you talk to Anna?"_

"_After the party…"_

_Luke was angry. "I didn't know you talked to Anna, you weren't supposed to talk to Anna."_

"_I know. I'm sor… God, no! I'm not gonna defend myself! For months now, I've been skulking around not saying anything, not having an opinion, like I'm Clarence Thomas or something, and I… I'm done with that. I-I've been waiting for a long time, and I don't want to wait anymore."_

_Luke still wasn't ready. "I have to think this through."_

"_No!"_

_Luke wasn't going to jump into this without thinking about April's needs. I have April! _

"_You're gonna have to figure out how April fits into our lives, not the other way around. _

"_I'm trying," Luke protested._

_Lorelai huffed. "Well, try married!"_

"_Just wait!"_

"_No! I'm not waiting! It's now or never!" Lorelai insisted._

_Luke wasn't going to sit back and take that kind of treatment. "I don't like ultimatums!" he replied angrily._

"_I don't like Mondays, but unfortunately they come around eventually," she shot back._

"_I can't just jump like this," Luke protested._

"_Well, I'm sorry to hear that. And I have to go."_

_Luke stood there, shocked, as Lorelai walked away._

"And we won't mention what happened after that," Luke recalled. The obvious tension in the room was building, and Luke turned to Lorelai. "Have I ever told you I finally came to terms with what you said that night? Remembering it now, I totally understand exactly where you were coming from."

Lorelai nodded. "You did. And I appreciate it. And I know how you were feeling, too, I basically got it sprung up on me, too. Later, and not with the right person, but I did. Anyway, I'm glad we didn't elope. I mean, look at the amazing wedding we're going to have on Saturday. This is going to be so great."

"Have we ever had another fight that big?" Luke asked.

"_Luke! Luke!" Lorelai shouted, banging on the door._

_Luke opened the door and Lorelai hurried into the diner. "Hey, I was – ."_

_Lorelai wasn't in the mood for talking. "Where is he?"_

_Luke had no idea what she was talking about. "Who?"_

"_Jess! Where's Jess, Luke?"_

"_I don't know, I just got back. What's going on? I got here and they weren't here."_

_Lorelai was going to find him and make him pay for what he did to her daughter. "Jess!"_

"_Hey, talk to me!" Luke pleaded, following Lorelai upstairs._

_Lorelai ignored Luke. "Jess, answer me right now!"_

"_What's wrong, what happened?" Luke asked, concerned._

"_There was an accident."_

_Luke followed Lorelai into his apartment. "What - what accident?"_

_Lorelai continued the search for Jess. "Jess!"_

"_What accident?" Luke asked again_

_Lorelai searched for Jess as she offered a less-than-detailed explanation. "Jess was driving Rory's car and he crashed it."_

"_What, when?"_

"_What do you mean, when? Tonight, tonight – he crashed it tonight! Jess, dammit!"_

_Luke followed Lorelai out of the apartment. "What happened? Is anyone hurt? Lorelai! Hey, I'm talking to you here."_

"_Where would he be? Where would he go?" Lorelai pressed._

_Luke ignored her question, concerned about Rory and Jess's safety. I asked you if anyone was hurt? _

"_Uh, was anyone hurt? Well, let's see. Uh, Rory's in the emergency room now with a fractured wrist, so yeah, I'd say someone was hurt."_

"_Rory fractured her wrist?"_

"_Yes, she has to wear a cast for two weeks, she's getting x-rays and tests," Lorelai answered._

_Luke was still worried about Jess. "What about Jess – is he hurt?"_

"_No, Luke – Jess did the hurting. That little punk nephew of yours almost killed my kid tonight."_

"_Look, I'm sure it was an accident. Accidents happen," Luke reasoned._

"_Not with my kid in the car, they don't."_

_Luke tried to fix things. "Okay, you just need to calm down."_

"_Why did you do this?" Lorelai asked, furious that Luke's actions would cause something like this to happen._

_Luke had no idea what was going on. "What are you talking about? Why did I do what?"_

"_Why did you bring him here?" she demanded._

"_What?"_

"_If you hadn't brought him here, none of this would've happened," she insisted.  
_

_Luke was offended. "This is my fault?" he asked in disbelief._

"_Yes, it is your fault!" she said. "You told him to come, you let him stay. Everybody hated him, everybody knew he was trouble but you wouldn't listen and you wouldn't send him home and now my daughter is in the hospital!"_

_She walked out of the diner, and he followed closely behind._

"_You kept pushing them together. You asked her to help him study, you knew she'd never say no. I told you it made me nervous, I told you I didn't like it and I should've stopped it right there. But you thought Rory would be good for Jess, never mind what he'd be for her. That wasn't important at all, was it?" she pressed._

"_Of course it was important," Luke protested._

"_Why didn't you put a stop to it at the first sign of trouble? Why didn't you make him leave?" Lorelai asked._

_Luke defended Jess. "He's my nephew. I had an obligation to take him in, I had an obligation to care for him."_

"_You had an obligation to this town and to me and to Rory. Where are you going?" Lorelai demanded._

"_I have to find out where Jess is," he answered._

"_Well, I'll tell you where he's not – he's not in the emergency room having him arm plastered up!"_

_Luke stopped and started to defend himself. "Hey, I am sorry about Rory. You know I care more about her than I do myself, but at least you know where Rory is and at least you know that she's okay. Now, I have to find Jess and I have to make sure that he's okay, and if that cuts into your screaming time, well that's just too damn bad!"_

_Lorelai wasn't going to take it. "Go to hell!"_

"_Right back at ya!" Luke shouted back._

Luke nodded. "That fight."

"Fighting is terrible."

"I agree," Luke insisted. "We should try to avoid big blow ups like that."

Lorelai shuddered. "Agreed. Can I still vent to you?"

"Of course you can. But who would you vent about if it's not me?"

"I had an idea, but I'm not sure it would fly anymore."

"_I am so angry at him!" Lorelai fumed, pacing the counter. "I mean, really, why? Does he enjoy seeing his daughter disappointed? I don't know about you, but I'm beginning to think that he's sadistic and gets some sort of pleasure out of all of this! Why does he bother giving an excuse?"_

_Luke walked around the counter and tried to calm Lorelai down. "Lorelai, it's okay, sit down and I'll get you some coffee."_

"_Luke, she turns THIRTEEN today. Do you understand that? THIRTEEN! I mean, I know you haven't been around us for long, Luke, but thirteen is the age when every other age seems so close. First, you're thirteen, then you're sixteen, eighteen, twenty-one, twenty-five…"_

_Gently putting his hands on her shoulders, he walked her upstairs. She was still ranting, flailing her arms and talking at a speed that was almost impossible to understand. He brought her to the table, and went downstairs to grab a cup of coffee. When he returned, she hadn't missed a beat._

"_Lorelai, calm down and start from the beginning."_

_Lorelai sighed. "Luke, it's Chris. He's not coming to see Rory on her birthday. And he said he would, and now he's not. And it's a stupid reason, too, you know."_

"_What reason that he backed out on hasn't been stupid?" Luke asked._

_Lorelai shook her head. "Got me there. And you know, I couldn't care less if he shows or not, it's Rory who I feel bad for!"_

_Luke sat next to her, listening to her tell every Christopher-not-showing story she could think of. He nodded, commented and questioned when appropriate, and refilled the coffee when necessary._

"_This is stupid. So stupid. Why am I getting like this? Oh, wait, it runs in the family. This isn't overemotional, this is sane!"_

"_Your feelings are completely justified, Lorelai," Luke answered._

_Lorelai looked up at Luke, sighing after letting all her frustrations go. "You're the first person I could tell every single story to."_

Lorelai put her hand on Luke's knee. "So, you're a pretty darn good listener, and I appreciate it. You know that?"

"Thanks, I try," Luke answered.

"I thought I was being dumb, but when you told me I was right, I remembered the rule. Good old rule 19. Fun, huh?" she teased, turning the page.


	21. Rule 20

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 20**

**Turning intimidation and disapproval into humor helps Gilmores deal.**

_Lorelai knew she was right. She walked into her house to find Emily trying to move her couch._

"_Hold it right there! Step back and move away from the couch," Lorelai warned._

_Emily completely ignored her warnings. "This couch cannot stay," she insisted._

"_Yes, it can."_

_Emily rolled her eyes. "It's awful."_

_Lorelai feigned offense. "It can hear you."_

"_Please."_

"_No."_

_Emily tried to come up with a solution. "Well, what about the chair? Let me move the chair."_

"_No, the chair stays also," Lorelai replied, ruining Emily's plan._

_Emily was insistent. "Well, we have to do something. I brought flowers over and can't find a decent vase. All I could find was a ceramic Betty Boop head," she said in disgust._

_Lorelai tried to calm her mother down. "Mom, you're making yourself crazy."_

_Emily ignored her daughter's comment. Her brain wheels were turning and Lorelai could practically see the smoke coming from her ears. "I know. We'll get some tarps and throw them over everything and tell her that you're painting!"_

"_Mom, stop it. What is so horrible about this room?" Lorelai asked._

"_Well, look at it," Emily replied condescendingly._

_Lorelai grinned. "I am. I like it."_

_Emily sighed. "Well, you may like it, but your grandmother will not. She's going to take one look around here at the junk store collection of hobo furniture and she's going to blame me."_

"_For what?" Lorelai asked._

"_For letting you live like this. For not teaching you better. For not redecorating while you're out of town."_

_  
"Well, we're never out of town," Lorelai replied._

_Emily always had an answer. "For not sending you out of town so I could redecorate!"_

_Lorelai tried to reason with Emily. "Mom, you don't believe that."_

"_Everything that's wrong in your life is my fault. Everything that's wrong in your father's life is my fault. Basically, everything's that wrong is my fault," Emily raved._

"_Mom, would you sit down for a minute?" Lorelai asked._

_It was almost instantly after they sat down that Emily had an insulting remark about the couch. "And it's lumpy, perfect," she said sarcastically._

"_Mom, if I may, I'd like to give you some advice."_

"_You would?" Emily asked in disbelief._

_Lorelai decided to let out exactly what her plan was. "You need to develop a defense mechanism for dealing with Grandma."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_You just need a system, a new mindset. Take me, for example," Lorelai explained._

"_What about you?"_

_Lorelai almost wasn't sure how to answer that question. "Well, I know there are many things in my life you don't approve of."_

"_Like what?" Emily asked._

_Lorelai thought of the myriad of things Emily disapproved of in her life, but chose the most obvious one, glaring her in the face at the moment. She decided it was the least offensive subject and began to explain. "Like this couch."_

_Emily took the bait. "Well, this couch is terrible," she groaned._

"_Okay, good – you think the couch is terrible. Now, at one point in my life, you saying a couch that I carefully picked out and had to pay off over eight months is terrible might've hurt my feelings, but not anymore," Lorelai explained._

"_No?"_

"_No."_

"_Why not?" Emily asked._

"_Because one day, I decided that instead of being hurt and upset by your disapproval, I'm gonna be amused. I'm gonna find it funny. I'm even going to take a little bit of pleasure in it," Lorelai replied._

_Emily was confused. "You take pleasure in my disapproval?"_

_Lorelai nodded. "I encourage it sometimes just for a laugh."_

"_I don't know what to think of that."_

"_Think, 'hey, that's brilliant', because this idea could set you free," Lorelai insisted._

_Emily wasn't too thrilled with the concept at the time, but when she was at dinner with Trix, Richard, and Lorelai, she put the plan in motion. _

"_I knew I could. Oh, it's time for the next course. Waiter, our next course please," Richard's mother demanded._

_Emily interrupted. "I'm not done."_

"_What do you mean, you're not done? You had twelve minutes."_

"_I'm not done," Emily repeated._

_Emily's mother-in-law consented. "Fine, we will wait."_

_When Emily slowly began to eat the rest of her meal, reveling in the glory of victory, Lorelai leaned over and whispered, "That'll do, pig. That'll do."_

Luke couldn't help but shake his head, holding back laughter at the example. "You got your mother to torment your grandmother?"

Lorelai grinned. "I am a very influential woman, you know," she replied.

"What on earth possessed you to do that?" he asked.

"Well, partially, I needed a laugh, and the Dane Cook CD I got in the Yankee Swap last year is currently MIA," Lorelai explained.

Luke rolled his eyes. As he opened his mouth to ask another question, Rory and April walked through the front door.

"Hey, Dad!" April said, putting her bags down and moving toward the couch to give Luke a hug.

Luke stood up, returning the hug. When April pulled back, Lorelai reached for a belt loop of Luke's jeans and pulled him back down onto the couch. "Jeez, Lorelai, what was that for?"

Lorelai giggled and got up to give April a quick hug. "We're reviewing 'The Gilmore Handbook' with your father, here. We're currently about halfway through the book, on rule 20 of 43, and he's stuck here until he hears every last rule and multiple stories about when they had to be followed," she explained, sitting down next to Luke on the couch.

April's eyes widened. "You guys have a handbook? That's so cool!"

"It is. Would you like to stay and listen to the explanations of said rules? We can start from the beginning," Lorelai said, taunting Luke.

Rory jumped in, coming to Luke's aid. "How about I help April unpack, we get some takeout, since Luke is out of commission, and then we'll come back and listen to the remaining rules? Then I'll fill April in on the rest later."

Lorelai pouted. "You're worse than Oscar. Ooh, you know who you are? You're the Grinch. You're an evil fun-sucker-outter. You fun sucker, you!"

"I'm honored," Rory teased.

"Thank you for saving me from this agony," Luke replied.

April rolled her eyes. "You know, Dad, we all know you're lying, and you actually find this somewhat amusing."

Luke's jaw dropped. "That is not true! This is the most pointless set of rules…"

Lorelai held her hand up. "For that, my friend, you are subjected to another story."

"_Lorelai, for the hundredth time, do NOT twirl in your dress. I do not want to see projectile pancakes on the floor!"_

_Lorelai sat on the couch, fingering the bow on yet another ugly, poofy dress she was forced to wear. She couldn't twirl at six, or seven, or eight, so nine seemed the appropriate age at which to be able to twirl, the threshold of being a young lady. Ladies twirled, didn't they?_

_She thought about twirling again, just to see if Emily had a sixth sense for the twirl. Maybe she could hear the dress from all the way upstairs. She stood up and began to twirl once more. But Emily must have been gifted with the ability to hear a twirling dress from thousands of miles away, because before she'd finished three whole circles, Lorelai was once again stopped._

"_Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, what have I told you about twirling in your dress?"_

_Lorelai decided to play mind games with her mother. "That it's fun?"_

"_No."_

"_That every girl should do it, all the time?"_

"_No."_

_Lorelai grinned. "Oh, I know, it was that it makes your dress poof!"_

_Emily's lips formed a straight line. "There will be no dessert for you tonight, young lady. You will eat your meal, march right upstairs, and go straight to bed, you will do nothing else. Is that understood?"_

_Lorelai feigned sadness, bowing her head in mock shame, and nodded. When Emily walked away, she pumped her fist in victory, realizing that the "nothing else" included "no homework," if she really wanted to stretch it._

"And that, my friends, was the first time I decided to make Emily Gilmore's disapproval amusing to me," Lorelai recalled.

"And your teachers let you get away with not getting your homework done?" April asked.

Lorelai nodded. "Sure. They were all just as scared of her as the maids were, so when I told them what happened, they insisted I take the night off."

"Wow," April said. "Why were they scared of her?"

Lorelai smiled an all-knowing smile. "In second grade, the maid was supposed to drive me to school. She did, but I was late. So, my teacher made me stay in from recess. My mother was livid. Why, I haven't the slightest idea, because recess was supposed to be fun, and Emily's the Hitler of fun."

April giggled at Lorelai's joke. "So?"

Lorelai cleared her throat, preparing to tell the dramatic side of the story. "Emily comes barging in the classroom, screaming about how incompetent the teacher is not to ask for an excuse, and how a second grader should not be held responsible for being late when she can't drive. Plus, she made sure the teacher knew that I was this terrible child and recess was the only way to allow me to pay attention in class, did she want me to be a terrible student and not get into Princeton and become a lawyer? It would have been all her fault, simply because she made me stay in."

Rory and April couldn't stop laughing. "That's Grandma for you," Rory said, wiping a tear from her eye and trying to catch her breath.

"And 43 rules? Do you know them all?" April asked.

Rory nodded. "We do. Well, Mom forgets sometimes, but I remember them. I think we should let you peruse the Handbook after we're done torturing Luke. Mom?"

Lorelai gave a thumbs-up sign. "Aye, aye, cap'n! We sail on to Rule 21."

Rory smiled. "Rule 21's a good rule!"

April craned her neck. "What's rule 21?"

"I suppose you're staying, then?" Rory asked. "I'll get the takeout, don't worry. Enjoy."

"Rule 21, come on, Lorelai, rule 21!" April pressed.


	22. Rule 21

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 21**

**Blurting things out in conversation, related or unrelated to the subject, is never unacceptable.**

_Lorelai didn't know where else to go, what else to do. She went where she'd always gone when she needed advice, a shoulder to cry on… and again, she found herself walking into Luke's diner._

"_Rory dropped out of Yale," she announced almost in a whisper._

_Luke was shocked. He was sure it wasn't true, he was sure he'd heard Lorelai incorrectly. "What?"_

"_She dropped out of Yale and she moved in with my parents, who I went to for help, and they stabbed me in the back. Everything we worked for. All these years. Her whole future. She was supposed to have more than me. She was supposed to have everything. That was the plan. We had a plan," Lorelai revealed._

_Luke was still in disbelief. But, being Luke, he had this intense need to make everything all better. To fix it. He was always the guy that fixed everything. He had to come up with a plan. "Okay, I'm sorry. I have to jump in here," he insisted. "Uh, I know you think you have this thing handled, but I can help. First off, we call Yale and we tell them something like, uh, Rory had a chemical imbalance and she was mentally out of her mind when she told them she was dropping out. And then we get her out of your parents house whatever way we can. We lock her up in her room with you, because you can talk anybody into anything. And if worse comes to worst, we will drive her to school every day and we will follow her to class and camp out there to make sure she goes. I'll take morning classes, you take afternoon classes, or the other way around, if it works out better for your schedule."_

_Luke was sounding crazier and crazier as he went along, but still, Lorelai sat back and listened to him rant. He was trying to help, and that's all she wanted in someone… she knew that someone like Luke would be someone she shouldn't let go._

"_And I know there's a few kinks to work out, the kidnapping thing might be a little problematic but either way, she is not quitting school. This was her dream. I am not going to let this happen," Luke said, determined. He took a deep breath and looked at Lorelai, staring at him. "What?"_

"_Luke, will you marry me?"_

"The ultimate blurt!" Rory teased, emerging from upstairs. "I got April all settled, and now April's calling her mom, letting her know she got here safe and whatnot. Mom, seriously, that was some of the best blurting."

Lorelai raised her eyebrows. "It's sad to say, but I think it's a Gilmore thing. I inherited it from my mother, and then you inherited it from me."

"Grandma blurts?"

Lorelai threw her hands up in fake shock. "Do you not remember the jogging suit story?"

Luke's attention was once again recaptured. "The jogging suit story?"

"_Hi. Just came to drop off some things," Lorelai said._

"_Oh, I can take those," the nameless maid insisted._

"_Oh, great, thanks," Lorelai said, handing the slide projector and the serving dishes to the maid. "Careful, it's heavy," she warned._

"_Everyone's in the living room if you wanna go in," the maid said._

"_Uh, if I wanna go in, if I wanna go in. Well, you pose a very deep and philosophical question there, but I think I'll just…"_

_Lorelai contemplated a little too long. Emily emerged from the living room. "Lorelai. I thought I heard your voice," she said._

"_Yes, I brought the slide machine and the platters and the punch bowl," Lorelai replied._

"_Wonderful. Come in and meet everyone, won't you?" Emily insisted._

_Lorelai knew she had no way out. "I was just gonna do that."_

_Lorelai and Emily walked into the living room, where Trix and her friends were looking at slides. She was introduced to each woman, and tried her hardest to make a good impression. All of a sudden, Emily began to sing. _

"_Love in the afternoon. . ."_

_Trix continued bragging about Rory. "She is an excellent student and may. . ."_

_Emily shamelessly continued to sing. "La, la, la, la, la. . ."_

"_Emily, what are you doing?" Trix demanded to know._

_Emily pretended not to notice. "I'm sorry?"_

"_Why are you singing like that?"_

"_Was I signing?" Emily asked, keeping the game going. " I didn't realize. Here's your tea, Mom. I certainly hope it's cold enough."_

_Lorelai attempted to change the subject. "Um, I brought the slide projector over. Would you like me to set it up?"_

"_That would be fine," Trix agreed. "We can start watching now since I do not anticipate dinner being served anywhere near the time I requested."_

_Emily began to sing once again. "Our hearts are filled with joy. . ."_

_Trix glared at her daughter-in-law. "Emily, you're doing it again."_

_Emily pretended once again that she wasn't aware that she was singing. "I was?"_

"_Yes, you were." Trix answered coldly._

"_Huh. You know, it's because I caught some of "Love in the Afternoon" the other day, the movie. Have you seen it, Mom?" Emily asked._

"_I don't believe I have," Trix replied rudely._

"_Oh, well, it's wonderful. And a wonderful concept, too, don't you think? Anyway, I must have the music stuck in my head. That must be why I'm singing it. I mean, what else could it be, hm?" Emily pressed. _

_Lorelai again intervened, hoping the situation didn't get worse, whatever it was. "Hey, Mom, how 'bout we go get some of that cheese you bought for the ladies, huh? I'll help you. Come on. We'll be right back."_

_Lorelai quickly ushered Emily into the kitchen, attempting to find out the cause of Emily's behavior._

"_Okay, what is going on?" Lorelai asked._

"_I saw her kissing a man."_

_Lorelai was shocked. She couldn't believe it. Her grandmother was making out with another man? Lorelai listened as Emily told the story of the purple jogging suit, and how Emily witnessed Trix kissing this mystery man wearing said suit._

"_And you're sure they were kissing?"_

_Emily nodded. "One hundred percent sure."_

_Lorelai was still shocked. She didn't know what to say. "My God. Was he hot?"_

"_Excuse me?" Emily asked, appalled._

_Lorelai shrugged. "Well, I don't know what you're supposed to ask when you hear your grandmother's been making out with a guy."_

"_I don't know if he was hot. Your grandmother sucking face was blocking my view."_

_Lorelai was intrigued by the story. "What'd she do? Did she see you?"_

_Emily shook her head. "No. After my heart started back up again, I went outside and hid in the bushes until he left."_

_Lorelai did all she could to keep from laughing. "Okay, now I have two really good visuals fighting for top billing here."_

_Emily told Lorelai of her evil plan to hold the scenario against her mother-in-law. She felt as though she could, after all the years of torture, but Lorelai set her straight._

"_You cannot use this against Gran."_

_Emily protested. "Yes, I can, I've earned it."_

"_Mom, I know Gran gives you a hard time, but she did not tell anyone about this guy for a reason," Lorelai said, trying to bring sanity back to her mother._

"_Yes, because she's embarrassed. She should be. He was dressed like a bookie," Emily spat._

"_You have to be above this," Lorelai insisted._

"_No, I don't have to be above this," Emily answered._

_Lorelai gave one last effort. "You're seriously telling me that you're gonna be the one to go out there and humiliate Gran in front of her friends, in front of her family. Just think about it, Mom. What would Miss Manners do?"_

_Emily reluctantly agreed not to embarrass her mother-in-law, until the opportunity arose. "I saw her kissing a man in a track suit!" she said, pointing at Trix._

"So you get your weird ability to blurt things out from your family? Surprised me," Luke said sarcastically.

Rory grinned. "That story is one for the books. I'm going to see if there are clean towels for April."

Lorelai held up her hand. "Not so fast, Speedy Gonzalez. Sit. Park it."

Rory sat, confused as to why her mother was forcing her to stay. "What's going on?"

"Remember way back in rule…" Lorelai flipped through the book, "Rule eight?"

Rory nodded. "Snow is magical and beautiful. Enjoy it any chance you get, because it's unbelievably special."

"No, not the rule itself, Rory… you blurted something out about me and Luke… having kids?"

Blushing, Rory put her head down slightly. "I thought you wanted kids… your kids would be so cute!"

Lorelai shrugged. "Ah, we've talked about it. Was that a blurting of 'please give me a little brother'?"

"Maybe, maybe not," Rory said. "May I be excused, Luke? She's torturing me."

"You're free to go," Luke said.

As Rory walked upstairs, Lorelai turned to Luke. "She blurts when she admits she really wants something. Then she tries to avoid bringing up the blurted message, hoping you'd forget."

"Learn something new every day," Luke replied.


	23. Rule 22

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 22**

**Engaging in random conversation that no one else understands is like having your own secret code. **

"_Huh. You know what I just realized? Oy is the funniest word in the entire world," Lorelai said after a moment of pondering._

_  
Rory thought about it. "Huh."_

_  
"I mean, think about it. You never hear the word oy and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word."_

_  
Emily rolled her eyes. "Oh, dear God."_

_  
Lorelai grinned. "Poodle is another funny word."_

_  
"Please drink your drink, Lorelai," Emily implored, not wanting to hear a list of all the funny words in the world._

_  
Lorelai, however, ignored her plea. "In fact, if you put oy and poodle together in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catch phrase, you know? Like, oy with the poodles already. So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catch phrase."_

_  
"Oy with the poodles already," Rory repeated._

"_I'm telling you, it's knocking 'whatcha talking 'bout, Willis?' right out of first place," Lorelai mused._

April laughed. "I like that phrase. It's a good one. By the time I get back to New Mexico, it will be forever engrained into my vocabulary. It's going to be great. It's fabulous. Thanks for that one!"

Lorelai raised her eyebrows. "Wow, you really like that phrase, don't you?"

"Yes," April nodded. "That and copperboom are the greatest things I've learned from you two! Except you taught me how to properly condition my hair last week through e-mail, so hence the shine."

"I meant to tell you how fantastic it looked," Lorelai said, admiring her future stepdaughter's hair.

Luke rolled his eyes. "How do people even notice when hair is conditioned versus not conditioned? Who the heck cares, anyway?"

"I think you just annoyed the conditioning gods. They will pelt you with Pantene momentarily, so I'd watch out if I were you," Lorelai warned.

April giggled. "You're funny, Lorelai. Where do you come up with all of this stuff?"

Lorelai held out her hand. "If you snatch the pebble from my hand, grasshopper, you will be gifted with the wisdom to mock."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Feel free to leave anytime, April, I know you've got things you wanted to do tonight."

April shook her head. "I'm fascinated!"

Lorelai tapped her index finger to her chin in thought. "Ah, I know another example."

"_No, seriously, Pig Latin? Best language… ever. Hands down. It's got the word 'pig' in it, and it's so confusing, most people aren't fluent in it!" Lorelai said._

_Rory smoothed out her uniform skirt. "Pig Latin's great and all, but what about Ubbi Dubbi? That, my friend, is a language that is so difficult to understand."_

_Lorelai's eyes widened. "What would Luke say if we talked to him in Pig Latin for the entire day?"_

"_What do you have against Ubbi Dubbi?" Rory asked, her hand over her heart._

"_Nothing. I know Pig Latin, that's why. Let's do it, and be completely and totally serious about it. See what he says. Just pretend you know nothing that you're doing wrong. Observe," Lorelai said._

_Luke trudged over to the table. "Are you going to need a minute, or do you know what you want?" he asked in an annoyed tone._

_Lorelai smiled sweetly, shaking her head. "Onay, Iway owknay exactlyway atwhay Iway antway. I'dway ikelay ancakespay, ueberryblay ifway ossiblepay, andway anway omeletteway. Ohway, andway ausagesay, easeplay. Andway away iantgay offeecay ountainfay, andway away illionmay ollarsday __onway ethay idesay."_

_Luke's eyes narrowed. "What?"_

_Rory decided to be the translator. "She says, and I quote, 'no, I know exactly what I want. I'd like pancakes, blueberry if possible, and an omelette. Oh, and sausage, please. And a giant coffee fountain, and a million dollars on the side.'"_

"_Why do you feel the need to talk in a foreign language to me today? English from you is hard enough to understand!" Luke groaned._

"_Ellway, Ukelay, Iway inkthay it'sway importantway otay earnlay ethay ulturescay ofway othersway, on'tday ouyay? Iway inkthay eway eednay otay embraceway ethay ifestyleslay ofway osethay _

_atthay areway unfamiliarway. Ancay Iway addway omesay aconbay otay ethay eviouspray orderway? Igspay areway ethay obsessionway ofway ethay ayday onway ymay 'Andomray Obsessionway __ofway ethay Ayday' alendarcay."_

_Rory sighed. "Translation? 'Well, Luke, I think it's important to learn the cultures of others, don't you? I think we need to embrace the lifestyles of those that are unfamiliar. Can I add some bacon to the previous order? Pigs are the obsession of the day on my "Random Obsession of the Day" calendar." Rory explained. "Do you know Pig Latin, Luke?"_

_Luke shook his head. "Isn't that some stupid made up language so dumb kids can try to talk to each other without their parents knowing?"_

_Lorelai pouted. "Ukelay, ouyay uinray allway ymay unfay!"_

"_Apparently you're ruining her fun, Luke," Rory chided._

_Luke's ears got red as he got more frustrated. "All right, that's it. If you want to eat today, you speak in English. Otherwise, you speak your idiot speak somewhere else. Got it?"_

_Lorelai giggled. "Take a chill pill, Mr. Angry Pants. I'm just pulling your leg."_

"_It's not funny."_

"_Au contrair, I believe it's hysterical," Lorelai insisted._

April's jaw dropped. "You don't know Pig Latin?"

Luke rolled his eyes. "What use will I have for Pig Latin?"

"Maybe one day you'll be conversing with a child who seems to love the language. Maybe he's a lost little boy and he can't find his way home, and he only speaks Pig Latin," Lorelai insisted.

"His fault for getting lost anyway," Luke muttered.

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "So April, did you inherit his stubbornness?"

April shrugged. "I suppose there's a little of it in me. Like Tuesday, this kid told me that we didn't land on the moon," April breathed in. "Oooh, did he get it."

"You hit him?" Luke asked.

Laughing, April shook her head. "No, he and I got into this heated debate, and eventually, there was one point I made, I don't even remember what it was, and he couldn't answer," she bragged, adjusting her glasses.

"Impressive," Lorelai replied. "You should do the debate team or something."

April thought for a moment. "Science and environmental society takes up a lot of my time, but it's a thought."

"Hey, April, really quickly, you should try on your dress to make sure it fits. I know you wanted to go out tonight, at least that's what he said," Lorelai said, pointing to Luke.

"Sure. I'll be back," April said.

Lorelai grinned. "You know, she's a really sweet kid," she said.

"I agree."


	24. Rule 23

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 23**

**Nothing's hopeless. Find a way to make it work.**

_The town square was being set up to become the location for Rory's Bon Voyage party. The party that was originally planned was now being morphed into a surprise party, all because of Luke. Luke wasn't going to let Rory go without this._

"_Hey, guys, only six chairs to a table," Luke instructed._

_Zach shook his head. "I think we can go eight if we grab more from the high school."_

"_The door's chained, but I can slip through, I'm skinny like that," Brian added._

"_Six is fine," Luke insisted. "Not everybody's gonna be sitting down at once."_

"_We found enough tablecloths," Miss Patty announced, walking toward Luke._

"_Great," Luke replied._

"_It turns out that East-Side Tillie had a stash down in her basement," Lulu offered._

_Miss Patty grinned. "Woke her up out of a dead sleep. She couldn't have been more annoyed. It was fantastic."_

"_Thanks."_

"_Hey Luke, I got the turntable. What's next?" Caesar asked._

_Luke thought for a moment. "Why don't you help Kirk and Lulu with the lights?" he suggested._

"_Okay, will do," Caesar replied, heading off to do his assigned job._

"_Kirk, careful stringing those lights, okay? One of those light bulbs blows, and the whole thing's useless," Luke warned._

_Jackson showed Luke the centerpieces for the tables. "Luke, what do you think about these?"_

"_What do I think about what?"_

"_The centerpieces," Jackson replied._

_Luke took a look and turned to Jackson. "Oh, nice," he answered._

"_Sookie's idea, my vegetables," Jackson declared._

"_All right, great. Thanks."_

_As the crew continued to set up, Babette came running to the square, shrieking and flailing her arms. "Luuuuuke! Luke!" she shouted. _

"_Yeah, Babette, over here."_

_Babette approached Luke, out of breath. "Oh, Luke! My ankles! Look at my ankles!"_

_Luke was confused. "Should I ask why?"_

"_Bad news, doll, it's gonna rain," Babette said sadly._

_Luke was shocked. This couldn't be happening. Yet another setback? "What?"_

_Babette nodded. "Oh, yeah look at these ankles. They haven't been this swollen since hurricane Bob. So then I checked the weather channel, and sure enough, Nick Walker confirmed it. There's a storm front moving in over Connecticut."_

"_It's gonna rain tomorrow?" Luke repeated, hoping for a different answer._

"_First thing in the AM, Nick Walker -- you a Nick Walker fan?" she asked._

"_No," Luke replied._

"_Oh, you should be. He's just terrific -- always dead on and so charming," Babette raved. "Of course, I've always had a thing for meteorologists. They're kinda like astronauts crossed with fortune tellers, very intriguing… anyway, he says it's definite."_

_Luke felt slightly defeated. "Oh."_

"_Yeah, so I thought you'd want to know. Sorry for the bad news, but you know my ankles," Babette said, motioning to her ankles._

_Luke nodded. "No, that's true. They're never wrong."_

"_No, no, My hair's only 50-50, but my ankles -- you could take them to the bank," Babette agreed._

_Luke stood in the middle of the square, his mind frantically trying to come up with a solution. He was going to give Rory that party, he'd just have to find a way to do it._

"_What are we gonna do?" Miss Patty asked._

_Zach tried to help. "We could have it in the diner."_

_Luke shook his head. "How are you gonna fit 200 people in a diner?" he asked, thinking logically. _

"_In shifts?" Zach suggested._

"_Oh, what a shame," Babette replied._

"_Maybe we can break the party up into people's houses, like little party stations," Brian added._

_Luke shook his head once again. "You gonna wake up the whole town and arrange that?"_

_Brian shrugged. "It sounded dumb while I was saying it."_

"_I can't believe it's gonna rain tomorrow," Luke repeated._

"_You don't suppose anybody has any idea where we could get a big wedding tent at one o'clock in the morning?" Jackson asked._

"_It was a nice idea, man," Zach said._

_But Luke wasn't listening. He was formulating a plan in his mind to make the party a possibility. Jackson was on to something with the tent idea. After gathering all the needed supplies, Luke stayed up the rest of the night, sewing tarps and other miscellaneous waterproof items together with fishing line. This party wasn't going to be brushed aside. He was determined to make it work._

"Luke, I have to tell you, that party you threw was so great," Lorelai said. "I mean, I swear, when I saw that giant tent with everyone standing under it… I was so shocked, and surprised… I loved it. Thank you."

Luke shook his head. "Like I said that night, it wasn't a big deal. You both really deserved it."

Lorelai smiled. "See, this is why I'm marrying you. You do really sweet things for me and for Rory. And you do them without hesitation… you just do them because they'll make us happy."

"I still think I should have charged you for some of those repairs," Luke teased.

She playfully hit his shoulder as April came downstairs in her dress. Lorelai stood up, instructing April to turn around. "Wow, lavender's a very pretty color on you!" Lorelai gushed, grabbing the pin cushion nearby and inserting a pin in the waist of April's dress.

"I like the color. It's not too pastel, not too dark… good for the complexion according to an article I read. Nice choice, Lorelai," April added.

Lorelai nodded. "Thank you, no flowers, just money. Does this feel too tight, like you'll have to stop breathing the whole time, or are you going to be able to do the YMCA comfortably?" she asked, grabbing a piece of material on the dress and pinning it.

"We are NOT doing the YMCA at our wedding," Luke groaned. "We've been over this. I compromised on the electric slide, and that was only because I could conveniently go to the restroom during that time."

Lorelai winked at April. "No, you said we could do both. Because it's our wedding day, and the rest of the town's going to want to do the Macarena… that could be slightly embarrassing, you know, if the town gets tired of freestyle."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you think this is funny, don't you? That's fine. I don't think you'll see your parents doing the electric slide or that stupid dance with all the heel tapping that no one can follow."

"The cotton eyed Joe! I forgot about that one! I'll add it onto the request list for you," Lorelai teased.

Luke just shook his head and rolled his eyes, ignoring Lorelai. Lorelai pinned the dress to indicate where last minute changes were to be made, and she sent April back upstairs to change. Settling back down on the couch, she picked up the book once again. It was time for another example, much to Luke's dismay, but he could see that the look in her eyes wasn't one of sheer joy.

_Lorelai stood at the bus stop, taking in the new scenery. So this was Stars Hollow. It was a small town, quiet, and easy to navigate. But for some reason, her feet were planted next to the bench, unable to decide where to go. It was unfamiliar territory… she was out on her own._

_Pulling a sleeping Rory closer, Lorelai decided to randomly choose a path. She figured it would be one of those moments that she'd look back on later in life, possibly regretting choosing so arbitrarily, but she needed to find somewhere to stay. She walked for a while until she came across an inn._

_It looked cozy and homey to her. She'd been in nothing but Hiltons and other such fancy hotels when she was on vacation with her family. This looked like someplace she could stand staying at… it looked private and comfortable. Taking a deep breath, she gathered all of her things and walked into the inn._

_An older woman stood behind the front desk, wearing a warm smile. "Welcome to the Independence Inn. Can I help you?" she asked._

"_I need a place to stay. I don't know how long… well, I guess however long I can stay until my money runs out. I don't care if it's the nicest room, you can give me the smallest room if you want, that's perfect," Lorelai babbled._

_The woman listened to Lorelai chatter, and gently put a hand on her shoulder. "Follow me. Let's talk in here, shall we?"_

_The woman led Lorelai into her office and invited her to sit down. Lorelai sat, stroking Rory's hair, and hoped she wasn't going to be sent back home. She couldn't be sent back home. There was no way she could deal with Emily and Richard telling her how to raise her own daughter._

"_What's your name, sweetheart?" the woman asked kindly._

"_Lorelai Gilmore. This is my daughter, Rory. Technically, she's Lorelai, too, but that could confuse people," she added._

"_I'm Mia. I run this inn. How long do you plan to stay in town?" Mia asked._

_Lorelai shrugged. "I'm not sure. All I know is that I can't go back home. I don't have a lot of money, but even one night here would do us good."_

"_Do you have a job lined up?" Mia asked._

_Lorelai shook her head. "See, this wasn't really planned extensively. It's just… I needed to get away, so badly, to give Rory a better life. I'll work for you! I can do any job you want me to. I'll even scrub the floors!"_

_Mia thought for a moment. "Have you had a job before?"_

"_No," Lorelai said, shaking her head. "But I'm going to find a way for this to work. I have to, for Rory."_

Luke nodded. "I see why this rule's important for you."

"Yeah, it's really important. I taught Rory to be like that, too. It's true, though, nothing's hopeless. Anything can be done with a little willpower and some creativity," Lorelai replied.

Smiling, Luke took Lorelai's hand. "Well, you've done a great job. Look at where you are now, where Rory is now."

Lorelai nodded. "Rory did all that pretty much on her own," she replied. "Okay, now, you're going to love this next rule."


	25. Rule 24

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 24**

**Something may be completely outdated or unfashionable, but there's nothing that can't be dressed up a little.**

_Lorelai was in the kitchen, making coffee, when Rory came downstairs._

"_Time?" Rory asked._

"_8:30," Lorelai answered._

_Rory groaned. "I'm late."_

"_Hold on, coffee!" _

_Rory took the thermos. "Thanks. I'll see you tonight," she said, starting for the door._

_Lorelai stopped her before she could leave. "Wait, one sec."_

"_Mom, I have to be there in twenty minutes," Rory huffed._

"_I know, but I made you something really cool!"_

"_Can't it wait 'til tonight?" Rory asked, trying to get to the site on time._

_Lorelai shook her head. "It won't be cool tonight."_

_Rory began to get frustrated. "What do you mean it won't be cool tonight? What loses its cool factor in twelve hours?"_

"_This," Lorelai insisted, holding up a hammer. The hammer was barely visible, as it was covered in pink._

"_What is that?"_

"_A hammer," Lorelai said, as though Rory should have been able to recognize the object immediately._

_Rory was confused. "It has feathers on it."_

"_Yes," Lorelai confirmed._

"_Why?"_

"_So the rhinestones and bows won't feel lonely," Lorelai said._

"_What do you want me to do it?"_

"_Build a really pretty house," Lorelai replied._

_Rory wasn't going to take the hammer. "How long is it gonna take me to talk you out of giving that to me?"_

_Lorelai didn't hesitate. "Forty minutes, an hour, tops."_

"_Hand it over," Rory consented._

_Lorelai handed the hammer to Rory. "Call me when you get home, and please be careful."_

"_I will," Rory reassured her mother._

"_I mean it Timmy, no falling down the well," Lorelai warned._

"_Bye," Rory called on her way out._

"_Bye."_

Luke shook his head. "The things you come up with get stranger and stranger as we move along through this book, do you realize that?"

"Yes," Lorelai said plainly. "It's part of my charm. And the appeal of this fantastic rulebook. You've done this, too, you know."

"And why was I supposed to like this rule?"

Lorelai smiled. "Because you fix things."

"I fix things?'

"You use tools and you fix things and build things, and make things... you're the world's greatest handyman," Lorelai explained. "Remember Rory's bookshelf?"

_Lorelai sat, chin in her hands, at the counter of the diner. She was determined to flag Luke down before the rush. The bookshelf she'd seen wasn't going to stay there forever, trash pickers would get to it long before she could if Luke didn't help her._

_When he came down the stairs, she nearly attacked him. "Can you please, please, please drive me down the street? There's a bookshelf I think Rory would really like and I can't carry it and the Jeep has nowhere to store…"_

_Luke sighed, and grabbed his keys. "Fine. Let's go," he consented. "Where is it?"_

_Lorelai smiled. "It's at that house on Peach, with the annoying windchimes. Thank you, so much. I was just thinking Rory would really like it for her birthday… it needs some sprucing, but you know, it will work."_

"_What kind of sprucing does it need?" Luke asked, pulling over in front of the house. _

_Lorelai giggled. "Uh, a lot."_

_Luke took a look at the bookshelf, in two pieces on the front lawn. "What do you plan on doing with this to salvage it? It's not exactly in one piece."_

_Lorelai got out of the truck and watched Luke effortlessly load the giant bookshelf into the back. "I was thinking I could paint it. Or stain it, or whatever you do with wood. And then I'd glue it with that special..."_

_Luke shook his head. "Do you know anything about wood and staining wood, or wood glue at all?"_

_Looking at her hands, Lorelai shrugged. "No, but I can figure it out, right?"_

"_It's not that simple, Lorelai. You have to know how to use the sander, and you have to know which stain to use, and if you're painting it, you have to get some paint that is good quality," Luke insisted._

_Lorelai grinned. "This can be your little project. You can give it to her," she said._

"_She's not my kid, and you found it," Luke replied, getting back into the truck._

"_But Luke," Lorelai pouted, "I really would appreciate it."_

_Luke sighed. "I'm not getting out of this, am I?"_

_Lorelai shook her head. "You learn so quickly. I need it by Thursday if that's possible."_

"_What do you want me to do to it?" Luke asked._

_After pondering for a moment, Lorelai settled. "Just make it really nice, classic looking, to match the other bookcases… maybe a fancy design to differentiate, but not too fancy."_

"_And that's not at all confusing," Luke muttered._

"_Thanks, Luke." Lorelai said._

Luke remembered making the bookshelf for Rory. "Did she like the bookshelf?"

"Yeah," Lorelai said, nodding. "It was the one that held the most books, therefore it was her favorite."

"She's easy to please, isn't she?" Luke replied.

Lorelai shook her head. "No. She has to make her bed a certain way, and the edge of the pillowcase has to be on a certain side. God forbid I did it any other way when she was a kid," she teased.

Rory, as if on cue, entered the house with a pizza and Chinese food. "Hey, I hope a veggie pizza's okay, Luke," she said, kicking the door shut.

"And there's my beautiful, yet detail oriented, offspring now!"

Rory giggled. "Nice to see you as well, Mom," she said as she put the boxes on the table.

"Very nice, now the story time gets more intimate and cozy, with food, and everything! I'm really excited about this," Lorelai gushed.

Luke raised his eyebrows. "Your mother is more food motivated than anyone I've ever met," he said to Rory, helping her put the food out.

"It's her not-so-secret gift. She wasn't a ballerina or a pirate, so this is her calling," Rory mused, opening the pizza box and putting a slice on the plate.

Luke shook his head. "A pirate? The things that you two come up with."

"Oh!" Lorelai shouted. "The next rule is so great, that reminds me."


	26. Rule 25

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 25**

**Memories can be tangible or intangible, but visual aids make the memories seem less distant. Keep the little things that remind you of those you love.**

_Lorelai woke up, still not able to believe that she was single, a divorcee. She hadn't really intended to get married on the Paris trip, but she had. She shook it off, realizing that she'd have to go and break the news to Rory. It was the only thing to do. She got up and walked to the closet, looking for a fresh towel. She was half awake, so maneuvering in the dark room wasn't going to be easy. She stepped into the closet a little, reaching up to grab the towel, when she kicked a box._

"_Ouch!" she said, her morning voice making itself known. She rubbed her eyes and put her hand on the door frame, leaning her head against it to try and stand up straight. She hated that early morning feeling when she couldn't stand up, her head was in such a fog. She looked down, trying to regain focus, and she saw a box marked 'Luke'._

_So she wasn't quite ready for that yet. Not this early. In the morning or in her newfound single status. But something compelled her to look. She slipped on Fred and Ethel, her piggy slippers, and sat cross legged on the floor._

_One by one, she pulled out the items from the box. There was a spatula and a frying pan… the ones he liked. They weren't the cheap kind, they were apparently the Coach-slash-Tiffany's of cooking utensils. There were the Barbie band-aids. The one blue flannel shirt she'd stolen from him and claimed as her own. The last package of peppermint tea she'd kept in the cabinet for when he stayed over._

_Paul Anka came up behind her, nudging her arm. Lorelai wrapped her arm around him, unable to interpret her emotions upon finding the box, let alone finding it in her current state. She was sure she'd thrown those away… but of course, Rory had probably salvaged them for her somehow._

_And as Lorelai packed all the things back up and placed them in the closet once again, she was kind of glad Rory did._

"You kept a box of things that reminded you of me?" Luke asked, unable to comprehend the concept.

Lorelai nodded. "You pack away everything that reminds you of the guy, and you swear you're going to throw it away. Somehow, the boxes show up again, reminding you of the good things about the other person. You don't hate it once you remember that the stuff exists."

"I still don't see the point," Luke answered.

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Okay, Mr. Black Hat replaces Blue Hat, that's fine. You don't get it."

"What she's trying to say is that it was like you putting on a new hat. The memories get too hard, seeing the stuff every day, and at the time, you want to throw it all away, but it eventually gets better. Hence the re-emergence of the boxes," Rory explained.

"It makes perfect sense," April added, grabbing a peking ravioli. "I see it."

Lorelai nudged Luke. "You still kept the horoscope, you followed the rule."

"Horoscope?" April asked.

"_Hey, do you remember the first time we met?" Lorelai asked, suddenly. It seemed so odd for her to be on a date with Luke Danes, but at the same time, it all seemed right, so perfect._

"_What?"_

_Lorelai smiled. "I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?"_

_Luke nodded, and began to tell the story of the first time he saw Lorelai. "It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person…"_

"_Ooh, is it me? Is it me?" Lorelai gasped._

_Luke ignored her question, and continued to tell the story. "This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy."_

_Lorelai was giddy. "Ooh, it's me," she said in excitement._

"_I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying -- sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her," Luke recounted._

"_Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful," Lorelai teased._

"_She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me," Luke explained. _

_Lorelai grunted. "God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you?" she asked dryly._

"_So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under 'Scorpio,' she had written, 'you will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away.' I gave her coffee."_

"_But she didn't go away," Lorelai said, grinning._

_Luke reached for his wallet. "She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me…" he pulled out the horoscope from his wallet, handing it to Lorelai, "and one day it would bring me luck."_

"_Well, man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee," she teased, unfolding the horoscope and reading it. Suddenly, memories from that day came rushing back, and Lorelai was completely stunned. "You kept this in your wallet? You kept this in your wallet."_

_Luke nodded. "Eight years," he confirmed._

"_Eight years," Lorelai said, touched._

Rory shoved a chicken finger in her mouth. "I still find that very romantic," she said, chewing.

"I never knew that. That is really romantic," April echoed, reaching across Luke for a napkin.

Lorelai grinned. "I'm surprised he didn't burn it long ago, when he was mad at me for whatever," she replied.

"Well, I was getting lucky all of a sudden, I didn't see a need," Luke replied.

Lorelai gasped. "So dirty!"

Luke blushed. "Jeez, I didn't mean it like that!"

"You walked right into that one, Luke," Rory added.

April giggled. "Yeah, you did."

"Which brings me to my next rule," Lorelai said, reaching for the rule book.

Luke stopped her. "Pirates? How did that remind you of the rule?"

Lorelai shook her head. "Remember when you told me the limits of what CD's you were going to buy?"

"Oh. Got it. Crazy connection, but a connection at that. Are we almost done here?"

Giggling, Lorelai pointed to the rule number. "Does that look like 43 to you?"

"Here we go," Luke sighed.


	27. Rule 26

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 26**

**If something sounds dirty, who says you can't point it out to the rest of the world?**

_Lorelai walked into the diner to find it completely empty. She needed Luke's expert opinion. Cars just weren't her thing, and she'd heard it through the grapevine that if that little light came on, it meant something. Something bad. She took off her jacket and sat down at the counter._

"_Okay, so if my Jeep has a light on the dash that says 'Service Engine Soon,' does it have a purpose other than to make me laugh at the fact that the statement itself is completely dirty?" Lorelai asked, putting the emphasis on the word 'dirty'._

_Luke groaned. "First, Lorelai, you need to stop taking everything as dirty. Second, yes, you should probably take it to Gypsy. Don't you know what it means from the instruction manual?"_

"_But it's DIRTY, Luke. Dirty," she said seductively._

_"Lorelai," Luke said, rolling his eyes, "I don't need to hear the word 'dirty' after every sentence. And did you bother attempting to listen to a single word I was saying to you?"_

_Lorelai shrugged. "But it's dirty, I have a right to say so. Free speech, my friend."_

_"You need to get your mind out of the gutter, you know that?" Luke insisted._

_Lorelai shook her head. "I'm a good sharer. I passed that part of Kindergarten with flying colors. Sharing is caring. And I care."_

_"You don't need to share your disgusting side with everyone."_

_Lorelai gasped. "Again, DIRTY!"_

_Luke looked at Lorelai, confused. "How is that dirty?"_

_"It is. If you were me you'd know, you'd get it," Lorelai insisted. "So what should I do?"_

_"Well, did you look at your instruction manual?"_

_Lorelai looked down in shame. "Lost it, a long, long, long time ago," she admitted._

_"Well then, bring it to Gypsy, like I said, maybe she can fix it."_

_Lorelai pouted. "Fine. You're no fun."_

_Luke watched Lorelai walk out of the diner, shaking his head_ _in confusion._

"I've always thought that phrase in the car was rather 'dirty'…" Rory said.

Lorelai nodded. "It really is. And they let just anyone drive these moving multiple ton contraptions."

"They don't let just anyone drive them, Lorelai, you have to have a license," Luke replied.

She giggled. "Luke, I mean people like ME, who will interpret it so much differently than it's intended to be. And I teach my daughter that, and it will go on for generations, and they'll eventually recall it because of my influence."

Luke rolled his eyes. "I highly doubt it."

"Disney had to put out statements defending the purity of its movies because of people with mindes like ours," Lorelai insisted.

Luke grunted. "Yes, I am well aware. The time you forced me to sit down and watch all the movies with you so you could PROVE to me that they were 'dirty'. They throw adult humor in there, you know."

Rory nodded. "I've heard the myths, but I've never set out to prove them correct or incorrect."

"There isn't anything to see, seriously," Luke replied.

Lorelai shook her head. "Oh, I beg to differ."

"_What are we watching?" Luke asked in a monotone voice._

_Lorelai plopped onto the couch. "We're watching 'The Lion King', 'Aladdin', and some other Disney movies to determine whether or not the dirty rumors are true!"_

_Luke rolled his eyes. "Dirty rumors?"_

_"You know, hidden messages, secret codes, dirty images..."_

_"Okay, this is where I draw the line. There is nothing dirty about Disney," Luke insisted._

_Lorelai popped 'The Lion King' into the VCR. "Oh, yes, my friend, this is very dirty. I shall prove it to you."_

"_I see nothing," Luke offered. "This is the most pointless waste of time."_

_Lorelai giggled. "See? That says 'SEX'! Clearly. S-E-X. Right there."_

"_Again, I see nothing," Luke insisted._

_Lorelai gasped. "How could you NOT see it? Are you blind? Here, I'll rewind it for you, you stubborn, stubborn man. Watch when the dust flies up in the air," she instructed, picking up the remote and rewinding the tape to show Luke exactly what she was talking about._

_Luke watched and still shook his head. "No. There's absolutely nothing to see. I have to get back to the diner, I have early deliveries tomorrow," he insisted, getting up and putting his coat on._

"_You're missing all my evidence!" Lorelai whined. "And you weren't going to admit it, even if you did see it!"_

_"Isn't there someone else who actually cares that you can watch this with? And besides, why do you have to go and find the filth involved in Disney?"_

_Lorelai slumped down on the couch. "Party pooper," she muttered, debating switching the movie to 'Casablanca'._

Rory shook her head. "Leave it to Scooby over there to get to the bottom of such madness."

"I did! But he didn't believe me. I should still get a Scooby Snack," Lorelai said, crossing her arms.

Luke sighed. "April, you can leave anytime, just make sure and give us a call when you get to Amanda's house, all right?"

April nodded. "I will, I promise. Save some chicken for me?"

Rory smiled. "Oh, April, so naïve. We'll have leftovers for a week," she teased.

"Fabulous," April said, going upstairs to change.

Reaching across Luke to get a crab Rangoon, Rory looked at Lorelai. "So we're about halfway through, aren't we?"

Lorelai nodded. "Luke's in the home stretch now… bottom of the 7th!"

"Bottom of the 7th?"

"Yeah," she replied, "the last inning of a baseball game? Hello, you're Mr. Baseball expert here. Jeez."

"Then you mean the bottom of the ninth," Luke replied, correcting Lorelai.

Lorelai shrugged. "Ah, same difference," she said, brushing off her error.

"Can we move on? I'd like to get this finished sometime within the next century," Luke muttered.

Rory giggled. "Have fun, you guys," she said, walking toward her room.

"Hey, don't be telling us that, you have such a dirty mind!" Lorelai said, overly sarcastically, almost as if to mock Luke, as she turned the page.


	28. Rule 27

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 27**

**If you're going to blubber like a baby, at least do it in front of someone who can make you feel better.**

_Lorelai saw Luke, all dressed up, by his truck. There's no way she could handle dinner that night, especially after being made a mockery of at the Gilmores. She was so mentally worn out… and stressed.  
_

"_Luke," Lorelai said._

"_Hey, I was just coming to meet you," Luke replied._

_Lorelai nervously played with her hair. "I know. Yeah. Could we uh, -- I need to --- I'm sorry, I need to reschedule our dinner."_

"_Oh, sure," Luke said understandingly._

"_Yeah, I'm just very tired," Lorelai said._

"_Okay."_

"_So I'm sorry that I made you get all dressed up," Lorelai apologized._

_Luke shrugged. "That's okay, it's good for me to do it every once in awhile. It reminds me why I'm not an accountant." _

_Lorelai let out an awkward giggle. "Okay."_

_Luke knew something was up. "Everything okay?" he asked in a concerned tone._

"_What?" Lorelai replied._

"_Are you okay?" Luke asked._

_Lorelai was surprised to hear the question coming out of his mouth. "Why?"_

"_Because you don't look okay," he answered._

_Lorelai thought back to all their 'you look good' conversations and would have made a better comment had she felt better. "Well, jeez, take me now, sailor," she said. _

_Luke tried to correct himself. "I mean, you look distracted."_

"_Distracted, no. Well, maybe -- yeah. Distracted, okay, sure. I'm very distracted," Lorelai rambled._

"_Anything I can do?" he asked._

_Lorelai decided to pour her feelings out to Luke. It would make her feel better. "You know, there are very few times in my life when I find myself sitting around thinking, 'I wish I was married,' but today, I mean -- I'm happy. You know? I like my life. I like my friends. I like my stuff. My time, my space, my TV," Lorelai explained._

"_Yeah, sure," Luke agreed._

_Lorelai let out a deep breath. "But every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack. Someone to wait for the cable guy, make me coffee in the morning, meet the stupid sink before it gets sent back to Canada." She wandered over to the nearest bench and sat down._

"_What happened?" Luke asked, joining Lorelai on the bench._

"_Um..." Lorelai sniffled, and her voice started to crack. "I just thought I had everything under control, but I didn't, and the inn is just falling apart. This has been my dream forever, and I have it, and it's here, and I'm failing. I can't handle it. I just spend every minute running around and working and thinking."_

_Luke put his arm on the bench and listened to Lorelai explain her dilemma. She was so grateful for his ability to listen at that moment. "I thought I would have help, but Sookie has Davey, and Michel has Celine, and I'm -- I can't do it all by myself."_

_Luke moved closer to her on the bench, trying to figure out how to comfort Lorelai. He listened as she explained more about her recent stresses._

"_And I don't even have time to see my kid, and hell, forget see her, just even talk to her. And I miss her. And I sat there in my parents' house just listening to my grandmother basically call me a charity case, and I couldn't even argue with her. I couldn't even say anything, because I am. I'm running out of money, and I don't know what to do about it, and I was gonna, I was gonna ask you for $30,000 at dinner tonight. That's how pathetic I am!" Lorelai admitted. _

"_Thirty thousand dollars. Well, okay, I mean if you…" Luke started._

_Lorelai interrupted. "I don't want to talk about it now. I don't want to think about it." She hid her face and leaned against Luke's chest. "I'm failing," she said, sobbing. "I'm failing."_

_Luke hugged her. He stroked her hair and gently rubbed her arm, trying to get her to calm down. "You are not failing," he said, trying to reassure her._

"_I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do," Lorelai's muffled voice repeated._

"_It's okay," Luke said gently._

Lorelai looked to her fiancé. "Luke, you're an amazing guy. You did things for me that I would never expect you to. And then when I thought you'd never do it, there you were, helping me out of yet another situation."

He put his hand on her knee. "Well, I care about you. I always have. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. And I'd do anything to make sure that you were okay."

"This is yet another prime example of why I'm marrying him, ladies and gentlemen," Lorelai announced to the otherwise empty room.

Luke smiled. "I like the sound of that," he said.

"Oh, no, mister, you aren't going to try and distract me now, we've got rules to explain," Lorelai said, covering her eyes and going into another explanation of a time where she had to follow this rule.

_Rory sat at the kitchen table, head in her hands, and papers scattered everywhere, looking more worried than Lorelai had ever seen her before._

"_Sweets, are you okay?" she asked._

_Rory nodded. "I'm fine."_

"_You look stressed," Lorelai said. "Time for a coffee break?"_

"_I have things to get done," Rory replied, not looking up from her work._

_Lorelai pulled out the chair across from Rory and sat down, trying to get to the bottom of her daughter's recent lack of presence. "What's going on? You've been so hard to find lately… and you're so stressed out. Did you kill Paris, because if you did, I've got a nice getaway car."_

_Rory looked up at her mom, her eyes filled with tears. "I don't know if I can do this! It's just so much to do. This AND the SATs, and the paper… and college applications, man, that's going to be rough. And I want to go out, and I want to see my boyfriend… I won't be able to do that if I don't get this!"_

_Lorelai pulled Rory out of her chair and pulled her in for a hug, letting Rory cry it all out._

"_Math usually isn't my strong suit, but I'm not getting it! I shouldn't have taken AP Calculus, I knew I shouldn't have, but my counselor insisted… it's all her fault!" she said, bawling._

_Lorelai nodded. "All her fault, it sure is. I'll take the picture of her off of the faculty website and we'll throw darts at it."_

_Rory continued to cry. "I've never been stressed about school, and I've had some hard stuff. This shouldn't be stressful. Harvard's going to be stressful. This should be a cake walk!"_

"_Aw, honey," Lorelai said, rubbing Rory's shoulder, "we can have some cake! You just need to walk away from it and come back. Don't push yourself. Take an hour with me to go to Weston's. We'll get some really good cake and you'll look at it with a fresh set of eyes. You probably just put the wrong sign in somewhere."_

_Rory looked up at Lorelai. "Thanks, Mom."_

"_Hey, anytime, kid. Now, I'm thinking that chocolate cake with the buttercream frosting on the top and that chocolate frosting smack in the middle."_

"You're good at calming Rory down. She's a passionate person and she hates when she can't get something on the first try," Luke said.

Lorelai nodded. "Sometimes she just needs to take a step back and look at it again later. I love her, so much, but she inherited my intensity and I hate that, I don't want her to stress."

"But it's helping her now, isn't it? She got a job, she's doing really well covering the campaign… it takes someone with that personality to like something like that," Luke pointed out.

Smiling, Lorelai shook her head. "Unbelievable. The things you say, I can't argue them today. You're really sucking up, aren't you?"

Luke shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. The faster we get through these rules, the faster you'll know."

"Luke!" Lorelai said, playfully pushing his shoulder. "You are so mean."


	29. Rule 28

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 28**

**Whoever said "you eat to live, you don't live to eat" obviously hasn't tasted coffee, or apple tarts.**

_Five-year-old Lorelai smoothed out her red velvet Christmas dress and clicked her patent leather heels together. Since "there's no place like home" wasn't working, the clicking sound could amuse her for a little while. She adjusted her position in the chair she had often imagined as her "throne". _

_In Princess Lorelai's imagination, the throne was a place in which she was invincible. No one could force her to clean her belongings up, no one could demand that she stop twirling in her dress, and no one could prevent her from being who she wanted._

_She glanced across the room to Emily and Richard, the only two familiar faces in the room. Everyone else had probably shown up every year since the Gilmores had been having parties, but Lorelai certainly didn't remember them. How long had the Gilmores been having these functions, anyway? It must have been since way before she was born. _

_Emily's dress far outdid those of the party guests, just as she demanded to Miss Celine. Lorelai thought that her mother's green dress made her look like someone in the Emerald City. Lorelai's fascination with "The Wizard of Oz" was all that she had as an escape from the Gilmore mansion. She was still learning to read, and with a dollhouse covered in glass as her favorite toy, she had to heavily rely on her imagination._

_When she wasn't attending morning Kindergarten, Lorelai would spend time in her room, playing with her stuffed animals. By the time she was done for the day, the storyline between Flopsy the bunny and her boyfriend Snuggles the bear had thickened. They were on-again-off-again some days, and others they were completely in love._

_But on this day, Princess Lorelai gave her stuffed animals a break from the soap opera she had going to keep an eye on the busy Gilmore kingdom. Just as she began to watch Richard strike a deal with one of the party's guests, a server came over with a tray of apple tarts._

"_Miss? Would you like an apple tart?" he asked._

_Lorelai was hungry, as the dinner wasn't appetizing. She wasn't about to eat another meal with some name she couldn't pronounce. She took a few apple tarts and placed them in a napkin on her lap. She inspected the apple tart before eating it, ensuring that it wasn't sent from an enemy kingdom to poison her, because she didn't have seven dwarfs to help save her. _

_She took one bite, and her love of apple tarts was born._

Lorelai smiled just thinking about the apple tarts. "Those are so good. I can almost taste them, thinking about them. I wonder where they get those tarts."

"So your obsession with apple tarts goes back to when you were five?" Luke asked.

Lorelai nodded. "Princess Lorelai asked Queen Emily for apple tarts every year, and Queen Emily saw to it that they were served every year."

Luke sighed. "I'm surprised you didn't go with 'Emily the Wicked Witch of the West' or something."

"Well, she's not that bad since she gave me apple tarts," Lorelai grinned.

Luke nodded. "I see how it is. Maybe I'll make apple tarts for you at Christmas time, and we'll see if you still like them as much."

Lorelai's eyes widened, and she leaned on Luke's shoulder, getting comfortable. "You're adding to your 'Reasons Why Luke is Amazing' list. A lot."

"Well, by this time, I have heard enough rules to know that if you mention two things in the rule, there's another story coming."

"You are so smart, Luke!" Lorelai said.

_Lorelai was ten. She sat in front of her books, trying her hardest to complete her homework. She was getting tired. She had nearly dozed off when the new maid knocked on the door. "Miss Gilmore?"_

_Lorelai turned around. "Yeah?"_

"_I was instructed by Mrs. Gilmore to ensure that you completed your homework before going to bed," she said._

_Lorelai nodded. "I'll try. I'm so tired. Hey, do you make coffee?"_

_The maid nodded. "Yes, but…"_

_Tilting her head, Lorelai smiled. "That would really wake me up. And I'd be able to get my homework done. That would make my mother very, very happy," Lorelai said, trying her hardest to convince the maid to give her some coffee._

_The maid sighed. "Very well. How do you take your coffee?"_

_Lorelai shrugged. "Black."_

"_If you insist," the maid said._

_Lorelai waited for the maid to come back upstairs. She was finally making good on her newfound ability to talk the maids into anything she wanted. Closing her book and staring at the door, she thought about the coffee and what it would taste like. She'd be rather disappointed if it wasn't any good._

_The maid brought back the coffee on a saucer, with cream and sugar on the side. Lorelai politely thanked the maid and let the coffee cool for a few minutes. She'd watched the adults drink the coffee so many times, and she was virtually an expert on how to drink it. She slowly sipped it, careful not to burn her mouth. She'd expected it to taste a little different, but it was definitely something Lorelai could get used to. She, after all, did have an extremely strange taste._

_Lorelai's first cup of coffee went slowly, as she was sure she could only get in the maid's head so many times before she was considered possessed or something. But, from that day on, Lorelai couldn't go without coffee._

"You were ten?" Luke asked.

Lorelai nodded. "Desperate times call for desperate measures, you know. I was desperate, therefore I took the initiative to get myself some. And rest assured, your coffee is way better than that maid could have ever attempted. Oh, man."

"Good to know," Luke said tentatively.

Lorelai grinned. "Has April had coffee yet?"

"She's tried it. She goes to Starbucks in New Mexico sometimes, apparently," Luke replied.

Lorelai shook her head. "Starbucks just doesn't cut it, sorry. Yours is better. She's gotta try it."

"Here we go," Luke said, sighing and sinking lower in his seat on the couch.


	30. Rule 29

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 29:**

**Seriously contemplate the view others have of your relationships. Even if it's crazy, even if you deny it to their face, at least go home and think about what they said, because they may actually be right after all.**

_Luke was still trying to comprehend the fact that he was in the hospital. Lorelai was upset over her father being admitted, and she was in distress. He felt the need to bring her to the hospital, make her feel better, and make sure everything was okay. He was brought out of his reverie by Emily._

"_Oh, hello," Emily said simply._

"_Hi," Luke replied._

_Emily sighed. "If you don't mind, I think I need to just…"_

"_Oh sure. Sit, please. How is he?" Luke asked, genuinely concerned._

_Emily tried to answer Luke's question. "Oh you know he's - I don't know," she replied, fidgeting with Richard's tie._

"_It's a nice tie," Luke offered._

"_It's Brooks Brothers," Emily replied._

"_Ah."_

_Emily continued. "It was bothering him tonight. I told him not to loosen it. I wanted him to look nice for our guests, so he didn't. And then well…The paramedics took it off him on the way here. I just haven't been able to put it down yet…" she sniffled. "I must sound crazy."_

"_I've kept my father's entire store just the way he left it," Luke admitted._

_Emily seemed shocked. "Really?" she asked._

"_Well I turned it into a diner, but I kept all his stuff on the walls, his pictures in the office, even the 'Hardware' sign," Luke explained. _

_Emily seemed to understand. "I'm sure he would've appreciated having his life's work being honored like that."_

_Luke disagreed. "He would've called me a damn fool."_

"_Oh, well. I don't know what Lorelai's told you about her father, I can certainly imagine, but he's a very good man. He always did the right thing for his family," Emily raved. _

"_That's what she told me," Luke replied._

_After a brief moment of silence, Emily seemed to change the subject rather quickly. "So what exactly is going on between the two of you?"_

"_Nothing. Really. We're friends, that's it," Luke answered._

"_You're idiots, the both of you," Emily scoffed._

Lorelai giggled. "You never told me that... well the idiot part was mentioned, but the rest?"

"Well, I thought that I'd tell you now. It seemed to fit."

Smiling and nodding, Lorelai seemed to agree. "Yeah, I suppose it did fit. But you were awfully eager to tell that story," she teased.

"I thought it was a rather… amusing story," Luke said.

Rory came back into the living room, on her way to the kitchen to get some coffee. "What's an amusing story?"

"Your grandmother called your mom and me idiots that day your grandfather was in the hospital… when you went to the party and your mom wasn't invited…"

Rory nodded. "Oh, that day. Why did she call you two idiots?"

"For not seeing that we were in loooove with each other," Lorelai said, purposely drawing out the word 'love' and making kissing noises by Luke's ear.

Rory shook her head. "Sorry, Luke, this morning, I forgot to give her the medication they gave me when they released her."

Lorelai gasped. "You love me, both of you. You couldn't live without me."

"Nope. You're right. I couldn't live without you if you want to get technical… but Luke can't live without you? Maybe," Rory teased.

Turning to Luke, Lorelai pouted. "Is this true, Luke? If you say it's true, I'll know you're lying."

"Someone's feeding me answers," Luke replied.

Rory smiled. "Way to be Switzerland, Luke."

Lorelai sat up. "Oh, so now I can tell my story."

"… _and East Side Tillie said that that woman's husband wasn't havin' an affair, but we all know it's true," Babette offered._

_Miss Patty nodded. "I think it is, at least."_

_Lorelai giggled. "Well, that's all that matters, ladies, isn't it?"_

_Babette looked at Miss Patty. "Aw, Lorelai, what a doll you are. Isn't she a doll, Patty?"_

"_You're a sweetheart, Lorelai, we love having you around. We need to find you a nice man, don't we?"_

_Babette nodded vigorously in agreement. "I got just the guy, too. Luke."_

_Patty's eyes widened. "Ooh, that's a great idea! He loves her."_

_Lorelai held up her hands. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, I hate to ruin your fun, ladies, and it's so sweet of you to think of me, but Luke?"_

_The two women looked at each other, and back at Lorelai. Neither knew what to say. "Why not, doll?"_

"_Luke isn't in love with me," Lorelai said, brushing the comment off._

_Patty shook her head. "And I wasn't a Broadway star once upon a time," she added._

"_What she means to say is, Luke looks at you with these goo goo eyes, and you pretty much take his breath away every time you're around. He tries to pretend he's not interested, but he wants you so bad it hurts!" Babette shrieked._

_Lorelai turned a shade of red she was positive she'd never turned before. "Oh, guys, as sweet as it is…"_

_Miss Patty simply ignored Lorelai's protests. "East Side Tillie says that she saw him staring at her the other day. Just staring. Not even lustily staring… just… staring."_

_Babette laughed. "I've seen Luke lustily stare at her. Hundreds of times. But then again, you gotta get the lusty stare with a mix of the admiration stare. That's true love."_

_Lorelai looked behind her. "Oh, uh, as much as I'd like to stay, ladies, I have to leave… I have to pick Rory up from school."_

"_Give her our best," Miss Patty replied._

_Babette nodded in agreement. "Yeah, tell her she's a doll, too," she added._

"_Will do, see you later," Lorelai said, walking away in total shock._

Luke shook his head. "When was this?"

"Ah, probably right after I stopped calling you 'Duke'," Lorelai explained. "I just walked right past them, decided to make some small talk, and there we go. They just started telling me how much you loved me."

Rory made her way into the living room with coffee for Lorelai and tea for Luke. "That's funny. I remember when you told me that story," she said, putting the tea in front of Luke and the coffee in front of Lorelai.

"Aww, maybe journalism wasn't your calling? Have you thought about the food service industry?" Lorelai teased. "Maybe hospitality? Because you're awfully good."

Rory grinned. "I'll call it my hidden talent."

"Works for me," Lorelai insisted.

Luke smiled as he took a sip of his tea. "Thanks, Rory," he added.

"Sure," Rory said, "no problem. Which rule are we on?"

Lorelai glanced down at the page. "29, going on 30. Care to join us for 30?"

Rory shrugged. "I can stay awhile, but I have to submit a column for the magazine eventually," she reasoned.

"Luke's been reading all your stuff. He just might vote Obama," Lorelai teased.

Luke shook his head. "When it comes time to vote, I'll vote how I want to. But your work is very good, Rory."

"Thank you, and vote how you please," Rory insisted. "Hey, Rule 30's next? I like rule 30."


	31. Rule 30

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 30**

**Shopping is a religion, and the mall is the place of worship.**

_As Luke parked the truck in the mall parking lot, Lorelai chattered endlessly. He tried his hardest to block her out, but somehow, it just wasn't working. He opened the door, locked the truck, and started for the exit as Lorelai ran to catch up with him._

"…_And I'm not sure if I want to hit the Food Court first, you know, to get some energy to shop and walk it all off later, or shop first to work up an appetite. What do you think?" she asked._

_Luke pulled the door open and held it for Lorelai in silence. He knew she'd make her own decision regardless of what his opinion was. She giggled as her pace quickened. _

"_Let's walk the mall, so I can make a plan of where I want to shop. THEN, we'll hit the Food Court, and THEN we'll go shopping. Okay?" Lorelai asked, grabbing Luke's hand._

_He grumbled slightly under his breath, but allowed Lorelai to take his hand and lead him around the mall. Sure, malls weren't where he was most comfortable, but Lorelai had been begging him to go shopping for quite some time. Luke knew how much Lorelai was missing Rory, so taking her out for a shopping spree didn't seem like a bad idea. It would get her mind off of things for awhile. He'd let her go in anywhere she wanted, and he'd be a good sport, or at least that was what he was hoping for._

"_Ooh. Shoes. I want to stop there, OOH! And there, too. That dress is amazing. Oh, and I want to stop at the pet store, too, just to say hi to Paul Anka's distant relatives. Are you keeping track?" Lorelai questioned._

_Luke sighed. "Uh, yeah, dress, shoes, dogs… got it."_

"_LUKE! You're the Scrooge of shopping today. Come on now, lighten up a little. Oh, look! I need to go in there, they have the most amazing lotion. It smells like vanilla, almost like a cake or cookies when they're first baked. They also have some that's called pink watermelon, but I like vanilla better. I'm almost out of conditioner, too, I'll have to go back. Should I be writing this down, or will you help me remember?" she pressed._

"_I'll try to help you remember," Luke said, trying his hardest to be agreeable._

_Lorelai walked, hand in hand with Luke through the mall. She watched his reaction as she pointed out her desire to stop in to Victoria's Secret, and watched him laugh out loud when she said that the store with the backpacks and hiking boots on display looked like a place she would like to stop by after lunch._

_She was about to make a mad dash to the Food Court when a store with bright yellow paint on the walls caught her eye. She gasped. She stood outside for a moment, contemplated whether or not to break her pattern, and finally dragged Luke inside._

"_What is this place?" Luke asked. "It's so… bright, and… cheery, and happy."_

_Lorelai smiled her 'I have a plan' smile. "This, my friend, is the store I've been wanting to go into for the longest time. This is where you can make your own stuffed animal!"_

_Luke looked around at the store. He knew immediately this wasn't going to be the highlight of his already torturous trip to the mall. He looked at all of the bears on the wall, attempting to zone out and ignore Lorelai for a few minutes, but that got him nowhere. All of the stuffed animals seemed to be staring at him in a weird, freaky way. Luke knew if Lorelai felt the same way he did, a Chuckie reference wouldn't have been far behind. Lorelai, however, seemed to be completely and totally fascinated by the process as well as the choices and effort involved. After a brief moment of separation, she grabbed Luke's hand again._

"_Let's make one!" she insisted, walking slowly up and down the wall marked 'Choose Me', admiring each and every animal on display._

_Luke rolled his eyes. "You can buy a teddy bear in Stars Hollow. Why do you need to buy one here in Hartford?"_

_Lorelai pouted. "Because, making one here is way better than just buying one so haphazardly in Stars Hollow. Look, this is where you choose the teddy bear. See? He's flat. You have to go over here, and you fill him up!"_

_Luke took one look at the machine filled with stuffing and attempted to exit. Lorelai grabbed his hand tighter, allowing Luke to realize he wasn't going anywhere. He rolled his eyes, wondering what he had gotten himself into. He was regretting his nice gesture all of a sudden._

"_Come on, Luke! Stay with me! See how he's got stitches in his back? They put him on this metal pole thing and you step on the pedal… and you stuff him yourself! And then you pick a heart, from here, and you do all this crazy stuff to it and you put it inside the bear, which makes it come to life!" Lorelai explained._

_Luke shuddered. "You mean he's flat, and you put his guts inside him? Sounds overly morbid for my taste," he lamented._

_Lorelai shook her head. "No, silly, he's not morbid. Then you dress him, and you can name him, and then you take him home in this little house made of cardboard… and you can color the house! I'm doing one."_

_Luke followed Lorelai as she walked up and down the first wall, looking at every teddy bear that was there. She picked up each bear, hugged it, held it at arms length to take a good look at it, and placed it gently back on the wall as she tilted her head to the side. She followed this routine for every animal, shaking her head at the ones she knew weren't right for her. She had hugged everything from the turtle to the Cat-in-the-Hat before finally deciding on a classic brown teddy bear._

"_This is him," she said, picking up his unstuffed counterpart and walking toward the stuffing machine._

_She was about to jump in line when she saw the station marked 'Hear Me'. She stood, wide-eyed, pressing each and every button she could. Moos, barks, meows, lullabies, and every other possible sound came from the machine simultaneously. Lorelai was greatly amused. _

_He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. It was awkward enough that Lorelai had dragged him into the store, but the fact that she had pressed every button on the board was making the outing even more embarrassing. Luke wasn't sure if she'd made a bear before, but she seemed to be an expert… another reason to stay far away. Lorelai finally reached in drawer number one with an evil look in her eye. She opened the plastic package and pulled out the white circular contraption._

"_Say something," Lorelai said, placing the sound box near Luke's mouth._

"_Ah, jeez," Luke started. "Lorelai!"_

_Giggling, Lorelai let the button go. She pressed the white button in the center of the device. Luke's voice echoed through the store. "Perfect," she said._

"_What did you just do?" Luke asked incredulously._

_Lorelai's smile widened. "You just made me a 'Build a Sound'. You record your own voice in the voice box, and you put it inside the bear."_

"_Why on earth would you do that?" Luke asked._

_Lorelai walked toward the stuffer. "Ah, that's for me to know, and you to find out," she said mysteriously, raising an eyebrow._

_She walked up to the teenage girl who was manning the stuffing machine and handed her the bear and the voice box. The girl sat down on a stool facing the nozzle and grabbed a pen. "Who's the bear for?" she asked with a smile._

_Lorelai raised her hand. "That'd be me."_

_Luke rolled his eyes again. "And she shamelessly admits it."_

_The girl quickly scrawled Lorelai's name on the bear's ear tag and placed the bear on the nozzle. Luke couldn't help but shake his head at such an odd concept._

_Lorelai glanced at Luke and stepped on the pedal when instructed to. Her eyes widened as the girl moved the bear around on the metal pole, and all of a sudden her teddy bear was full._

"_How's he feel?" the girl asked. "Too hard, too soft, or just right?"_

_Lorelai snickered. "Ah, so dirty," she said under her breath, taking a quick look at Luke. She squeezed every limb, more than once, and gave the bear a hug to ensure he was stuffed enough. "He's just right," she said, handing the girl the bear._

"_Grab a heart from the bin," the girl instructed, pointing to the bin._

_Lorelai dug to the bottom of the bin, smiling at Luke. He had his arms crossed as he stood by the bear shoes, almost as far away as he could get from Lorelai without her noticing he was inching away from the stuffer._

"_Rub the heart in your hands, make it warm," the girl said, demonstrating._

_Lorelai followed the girl's instructions, taking the heart and rubbing it forcefully._

"_Pound it, get it to start beating."_

_Lorelai clapped her hands together. "This is fun!" she exclaimed. "Wanna try?" she asked Luke._

_He shook his head. "No," he said defiantly._

_Lorelai shrugged as she continued to pound on the heart._

"_Rub it on your head, so the bear is really smart like you are!"_

_Lorelai obliged, careful not to smudge any makeup._

"_Rub it on your belly, so the bear is never hungry!"_

_Luke decided to chime in on that one. "Is that such a good idea? You never stop eating."_

_Rubbing the heart on her belly, Lorelai rolled her eyes. "It's just a formality, Luke, go with it," she insisted._

"_Rub the heart on your ear so the bear is a great listener," the girl said, in an extremely peppy tone._

_Lorelai rubbed the red heart on both her ears, next to the earrings Luke had just gotten her._

"_And on your smile so the bear is always happy!"_

_Lorelai grinned and rubbed the heart on her teeth._

"_Did you get plaque on the heart?" Luke grumbled._

_Lorelai shook her head, ignoring Luke's comment and waiting for further instruction._

"_Rub it on your nose so it has a good sense of smell."_

_Lorelai twitched her nose and placed the heart on the end of it._

"_And on your toes so your bear is ticklish!"_

_Lorelai pouted. "Will he still be ticklish if I rub it on my shoes? I'm not wearing sandals!"_

_The girl smiled. "Sure he will!"_

_Luke rolled his eyes. "Bears are NOT ticklish," he said, just loud enough for Lorelai to hear._

_Lorelai shook her head, letting Luke's comment slide, and breathed a sigh of relief as she bent down to rub the heart on her toes._

"_Jump up and down, give him lots of energy!"_

_Lorelai jumped, careful not to fall. "I'm the Energizer bunny, as long as I've got coffee, so this should be easy!"_

"_Rub it on your arm and make a muscle so the bear is strong!"_

_Lorelai looked at her arm, and decided to rub it on Luke's arm instead. "You're stronger," she said, rubbing the heart on Luke's bicep. _

_Luke backed away from Lorelai, but not before Lorelai made contact. "Jeez," he said. "Rub it on your own arm."_

_Lorelai pouted and stepped back in front of the girl._

"_Now close your eyes and make a wish!"_

_Lorelai shut her eyes tightly and made a wish. She stood for a moment, ensuring that her entire wish was said, and opened her eyes and awaited further instruction._

"_Give the heart a kiss and put it inside your bear!" the girl said, holding the bear out for Lorelai to place the heart in._

_After Lorelai's bear was stitched and washed, she walked into the area marked 'Dress Me' and searched high and low for the perfect outfit. She seemed to be at a loss until she picked up a blue striped shirt, jeans, a blue baseball cap, and a pair of workboots._

"_It's YOU! Only… furry!" she said, bringing all the paraphernalia to the 'Dressing Room'._

_Luke rolled his eyes. "Lorelai, why…"_

_Lorelai interrupted him by pressing the bear's hand. "Ah, jeez," the bear said._

"_Ha! Funny!" she giggled, dressing the bear and walking to the computer. She took the bear's ear tag, sat at the stool, and scanned the bar code into the computer. Lorelai whizzed through the naming process. Before Luke could question any of it, the bear was boxed up and he was handing the cashier his credit card. He was such a pushover sometimes. He signed the slip, reluctantly, and walked out with Lorelai into the mall._

"_Look, Luke! It's the bear version of you! Isn't he adorable?" Lorelai asked._

_Luke rolled his eyes. "Ah, jeez."_

_Lorelai pressed the bear's hand once again. The sound of Luke saying "Ah, jeez!" floated through the mall._

"_He's perfect!" Lorelai said, leaning over to kiss Luke. "Thank you, Luke."_

"_Now I'm not buying you anything else that talks or has fur today," Luke insisted._

_Lorelai grinned. "Fine. He's cute enough!" she said, pressing the bear's arm yet again._

_Luke was beginning to dread the rest of the shopping spree._

Rory shook her head. "You built a bear?"

Grinning, Lorelai ran upstairs and came back down with the bear. Pressing his hand once again, Lorelai burst out into giggles and Luke could only stare and roll his eyes. Rory was laughing, too, there was no going back.

"He's so cute!" Rory said, eyeing the bear.

Lorelai nodded. "The real thing's cuter," she teased.

Luke turned bright red. "And she's never taking me to the mall again."

Lorelai shrugged. "Sure. That's what you said after that one time…"

"_This should be so simple. Why is this so hard?" Lorelai asked._

_Luke stood, watching Lorelai debate between the red shoes and the black shoes. She'd already been there for twenty minutes, attempting to decide, but she was getting nowhere. Rolling his eyes, he sat down next to her in the chair. "Just get them both," Luke grumbled._

_Lorelai shook her head. "That's giving in to what they WANT you to do, Luke. You can't just buy them both. It's a trap."_

_Luke sighed. He tried to get comfortable, as he knew he'd be there for awhile. _

"_Which ones do you like better?" she asked Luke._

_Luke straightened up in his chair, adjusting his hat. "For the eighth time, Lorelai, I like the black ones. I picked the black ones because you wear black more than you wear red. I also picked black for the sake of choosing one to get out of here before they lock us in here for the night."_

"_No fun," Lorelai muttered, looking at her left foot with the black shoe and her right foot with the red shoe._

"_You can shop more if you pick one faster," Luke said, trying to entice Lorelai. "You have to get Rory eventually."_

_Lorelai perked up. "True. I'll… hmm."_

_Luke thought, for a moment, that he was finally going to be able to get out of the shoe store. But he had no such luck. Until Lorelai picked up both boxes._

"_Fine, fine, I'm giving in. I was going to stick it to the man, but no! I choose both," she said._

"_I'm never taking you to the mall again," Luke growled._

_Turning to face Luke, Lorelai grinned. "Sure, sure."_

Lorelai smiled. "See? You totally said you'd never take me again, and look. You did."

"You must be a very patient man," Rory teased.

Lorelai shook her head. "Luke? Patient? Mmhmm. Right. And Bill Clinton did not have sexual relations with that woman!"

Rory shrugged. "I tried sticking up for you, Luke," she teased.

"And is this how it's going to be come Saturday? Luke gets everyone sticking up for him, and I am left all alone?" Lorelai pouted.

"Nah," Rory said, reassuring her mother. "I liked you first. But Luke does need someone to be on his side, so I'll flip flop."

Lorelai shook her head. "You and your political terminology. The only flip flopping you're allowed to do here is with those sandals you brought. Got it?"

Rory smiled. "Yes, ma'am."

Lorelai turned to Luke. "Doesn't it seem weird that we're getting married on Saturday? Not bad, weird, but, 'I can't believe it's here' weird?"

Luke nodded. "A little. Probably because we've wanted it for so long."

"Yeah," Lorelai said. "But before you marry me, you have to learn the rules. Do you remember any of them?"

Luke sighed. "Just finish the book already."


	32. Rule 31

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 31**

**If your outgoing voicemail message annoys Emily Gilmore, then you've done something right.**

_"Hey, we're not in, so – ah, bashed my thumb! Leave a message," Lorelai's voice said from the machine._

_Emily's voice came through the machine. "I am so tired of this ridiculous machine. I get it every time I call. . ."_

_"Oh, that was close," Lorelai said, suddenly thankful that she didn't get to the phone in time._

_"You are Rory are always out. What is it that you do? Is your house that awful you can't be in it? It's too much excitement, if you ask me. . ."_

_Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Well, what isn't in Emily's rules of conduct?"_

_"I don't want to talk to a machine, I'll just call you later," Emily said._

_"If you had your way, Mother, you'd lock us up like veal. That's what she wants, veal children," Lorelai insisted._

_The phone rang again, and the message played. "Hey, we're not in, so – ah, bashed my thumb! Leave a message."_

_Emily's voice one again filled the silence of the room. "It's me again. Listen. . ."_

_"You're talking into the machine," Lorelai said, in mock warning._

_"Don't forget that my DAR meeting is on Tuesday. Please. . ."_

_"It's burned into my brain. It's there forever," Lorelai answered sarcastically._

_"It's at three o'clock and all the women are all extremely punctual."_

_Lorelai sighed. "When I'm senile and ga-ga and drooling into a cup, and yet I can't remember my name, I'll still remember that your DAR meeting is that Tuesday."_

_ ". . this Tuesday. I'll talk to you about some other things later."_

"I'm gonna have to be de-programmed by cult de-programmers to get that Tuesday out of my brain." Lorelai said, to no one in particular.

The telephone rang again, and of course, it was Emily again. "Your phone message is annoying..."

"Unbelievable," Lorelai said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Do you know how annoying it is?" Emily continued.

"I think I have a standard against which to measure it," Lorelai shot back.

_". . .to it yourself. Have you heard it lately?"_

_"I can't because I'm amputating my ears," Lorelai said, walking away._

_" . . .and that thumb bashing thing, is that a joke? Why is it that your jokes are always. . ."_

_"Ah, an earless world, what a dream!" Lorelai moaned, running up the stairs and covering her ears._

Rory smiled. "Gilmores have the best phone messages. Only I have to be professional on mine, because you never know who will call and want an interview."

Lorelai pouted. "Ah, you're no fun."

"I can be fun… it's just that I want to be fun when I'm not supposed to be serious."

Lorelai shrugged. "To each his own."

"Remember your latest phone message, and how much it annoyed Grandma?" Rory asked.

"She should have loved it," Lorelai said, "I spent lots of time crafting it. I loved that message."

Luke shook his head. "Your messages prove you're crazy."

"Why, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me!"

_Lorelai walked in the door, carrying more shopping bags than she thought possible. She shivered as she walked in. As she pushed the door shut with her foot, the phone message she'd recorded earlier began to play._

"_Hey everyone, it's Lorelai, and Paul Anka… not the singer, the dog… and sometimes Luke, Rory, and/or April. We're not here, we didn't hear the phone, or we spent forever looking for it and calling its name, telling it to come out, but it didn't reveal itself. Leave a message and if someone brings it back, we'll call you after we give a reward check."_

_The machine beeped and Emily's shrill voice came through the machine. "That is the longest and most insipid message I have ever heard. A phone is not a dog, Lorelai, and there is no need to put your dog on the voice message. No one will be calling for him. I called to tell you that your father and I will be going out of town for the weekend…"_

_The machine cut her off before she could finish, and the phone rang again. _

"_Hey everyone, it's Lorelai, and Paul Anka… not the singer, the dog… and sometimes Luke, Rory, and/or April. We're not here, we didn't hear the phone, or we spent forever looking for it and calling its name, telling it to come out, but it didn't reveal itself. Leave a message and if someone brings it back, we'll call you after we give a reward check."_

_Emily huffed into the machine and continued. "I see you shortened the message recording length to accommodate for the length of your outgoing message. I should have known you could pull something like this. It's unbelievable. Anyway, your father…"_

_Lorelai was getting great amusement over the machine cutting Emily off and playing the message over and over again._

"_Hey everyone, it's Lorelai, and Paul Anka… not the singer, the dog… and sometimes Luke, Rory, and/or April. We're not here, we didn't hear the phone, or we spent forever looking for it and calling its name, telling it to come out, but it didn't reveal itself. Leave a message and if someone brings it back, we'll call you after we give a reward check," the message said once again._

"_Lorelai, that really is absurd. Your father and I will be in Rhode Island for the weekend, so if you need us, please contact your father's secretary for the number. Change that message," Emily said, hanging up._

Lorelai grinned. "I like that message. I keep it to annoy Emily."

"Your phone messages are funny, very creative, original… totally you," Rory added. "They make me laugh when I call."

"Yeah, I got bored with the 'Hi, it's Lorelai. Leave message. Bye.' It's just so… normal." Lorelai said, scrunching up her nose at the word 'normal'.

Luke straightened up in his seat. "You know, some people think 'normal' is a good thing?"

"Yeah. Sure. Who?" Lorelai scoffed.

Luke turned to face her. "Me?"

"You don't count," Lorelai teased.

"I don't count?" Luke asked.

She shook her head. "Nope. Shall we move on to Rule 32?"


	33. Rule 32

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 32**

**Sometimes, sacrificing your normal routine is necessary to do something nice for other people.**

"_What did you do?" Lorelai asked in disbelief, looking at the Santa burger in front of her._

_Luke shrugged. "You wanted something festive."_

"_You made me a Santa burger," Lorelai replied._

"_It's no big deal," Luke said, dismissing the importance of the Santa Burger._

_Lorelai smiled. "He has a hat and everything."_

"_Yeah, I just cut a piece of wonder bread, you know, poured a little ketchup, piped on a little cream cheese," Luke explained._

_Such a simple gesture by Luke was actually a big gesture to Lorelai. Going out of his way to make her a Santa Burger was so un-Luke, but Luke at the same time. Luke readily sacrificed for others, but she was sure there was no one else who would get a Santa Burger for dinner. "No one has ever made me something quite this disgusting before. I thank you," she said, touched._

"_You're welcome."_

Luke shook his head. "It was no big deal."

Adamantly, Lorelai nodded. "It was a huge deal. You really don't know what that meant to me."

"It meant that much to you?"

She nodded. She turned to face her fiancé, and gave him a smile. "When you tell me that these things you did for me weren't a big deal, I have to correct you, see, because they really were. You wouldn't make a Santa Burger for just anyone. I was the only one. You sacrifice, yeah, but you do these little things that just… blow me away, you know? Don't underestimate."

Luke shrugged. "If you say so."

"So modest. You always have been really modest," Lorelai said, linking her arm in his. "A trait I found very attractive."

Luke looked at her. "Then why are you telling me to change it?"

"I'm not," she started, "I know you won't. I'm just letting you know what it meant."

He nodded in understanding. "It's nice to hear that you liked the Santa Burger."

Kissing Luke on the cheek, Lorelai moved closer to him on the couch. She could name countless times that Luke had done something out of the ordinary for her. There were so many different times when she didn't think something was possible, or didn't expect something, and there was Luke, proving her wrong. She usually hated being wrong, but she wasn't so bent out of shape about it when Luke was around. "You know it wasn't just the Santa Burger. It was what the Santa Burger represented," she explained.

"What does it represent?" he asked.

She smiled. "The fact that you always have cared, and always will care. You know, you do these things all the time, and half the time you're not even aware."

"I'm not aware that I did something nice for you?" Luke asked.

Lorelai shrugged. "Well," she started, "It's more like you aren't aware of exactly how much that gets me through the day sometimes. Like last week, with my mother?"

Luke shuddered. "If I ever have to be in a flower shop for that long, ever again, I think I'll just start plucking every individual petal until I get this really big handful and then I'll throw them at someone," he replied.

"Fake an allergy. Oh, grasshopper," Lorelai said, shaking her head. "Do I have to teach you everything? Wax on, wax off."

"Huh?" Luke asked, confused at Lorelai's mishmash of references.

Giggling, Lorelai waved her hand. "Ah, forget it. But I want to praise you with another example."

"_Luke! Luuuke!" Lorelai called from the entrance of the diner._

_Luke emerged from the kitchen. "Patience is a virtue, Lorelai, I suppose you weren't given that virtue."_

"_No, I wasn't given patience, I was given sarcasm," she said, emphasizing the word 'sarcasm'. _

_He rolled his eyes and began to wipe down the counter. "As if that weren't obvious already," he muttered._

_Lorelai leaned her waist against the counter, trying to get her upper body as close to Luke without going behind the counter as possible. "I need a favor," she started._

_Luke stopped cleaning and looked at her. "Does this involve cattle of any kind?"_

_She smiled. "No, but I still want to ride the mechanical bull at that bar. You can quote me on that. Anyway, uh, I need a favor."_

"_You mentioned that," Luke replied._

_She sighed. "I have a meeting at the inn that I can't get out of. And Paul Anka hasn't been out all day. Now, I wrote down specific instructions about how Paul Anka likes to be walked. He can't walk any other way or he gets all flustered and scared. Anxiety in dogs is not good. So, I wrote down the route, I love you, you are the best fiancé ever, thanks, bye." Lorelai kissed Luke, handed over the sheet of paper and walked out._

_Luke rolled his eyes. "Caesar, I'll be back in a little while, you have the floor," Luke called._

_He walked to Lorelai's house, called for Paul Anka, who came running, and hooked him up to a leash. Sighing, he looked at the sheet. "'Walk out back door. Paul Anka is scared of the front steps lately.' Well, isn't that a surprise," he muttered, taking Paul Anka out the back door._

_Luke checked the sheet again. "'Walk around the left side of the house. Babette's cat is on the right, Paul Anka hates Babette's cat because they broke up.' I don't know who's crazier, this dog or Lorelai," Luke groaned, walking Paul Anka around the left side of the house. _

_Paul Anka was thrilled, wagging his tail and almost prancing on his leash. Apparently Luke was doing SOMETHING right. He looked down at the list once again to make sure Paul Anka wasn't going to have heart palpitations if he took another step. "'Walk him around the gazebo three times and then let him go to the bathroom. I hope you brought a plastic bag for that, Luke…' Ah, jeez, she really thought this out!" Luke walked Paul Anka around the gazebo three times and then held the leash while Paul Anka sniffed around in the flowers for a little while. Apparently he didn't actually have to use the bathroom._

"'_Make sure Paul Anka's sniffed the flowers, and you've scratched him behind the ears, then go back the exact way you came, starting with the walking around the gazebo three times. Remember to walk around the gazebo backwards.' Okay, she really is crazy," Luke added as he retraced his steps back to the Crap Shack. He got back, let a very happy Paul Anka off the leash, and returned to the diner._

Lorelai pointed to the sleeping dog on the floor. "I mean, look! He's so happy! He still wouldn't have been himself if he'd have not been walked properly! He still would have been in a depression. So, yay Luke!"

Luke looked at Lorelai. "How did you find a dog that is as strange as you?"

Lorelai again gestured to Paul Anka. "HE found ME. It was a match from the start, it was fate, kismet, it was meant to be, Luke!"

"Meant to be," Luke repeated.

Pouting, Lorelai shook her head. "You don't mean it."

"I do mean it, Paul Anka's a good dog," Luke admitted.

Grinning and clapping, Lorelai reached for the rule book yet again. "You've only got about 11 more rules, so sit tight."


	34. Rule 33

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 33**

**You can judge any relationship by its first kiss.**

_Lorelai had just kissed Luke in front of the Dragonfly. She couldn't help but think about what a surreal, sweet, and somewhat humorous moment it was. She'd always wondered if he was a good kisser… he had those piercing blue eyes and those really strong hands, and when he smiled, which was rare, Lorelai lit up herself._

_In that kiss, there was so much to interpret, so much to think about, so much hope. Looking back on the kiss, Lorelai couldn't help but laugh about the day's events. Luke had gotten her flowers, which were very nice flowers… and she was completely (well, not completely) caught off guard. A better word would probably be… smitten._

"_Here, these are for you -- a little congratulations," he said, handing her the flowers._

_Lorelai gasped. "Oh, my God, they're beautiful. Thank you," she said, completely flustered. "I was - um…well, okay, so, we should get you all, uh, checked in. And that's...over there."_

"_You okay?" Luke asked with a chuckle._

"_Oh, God, yeah. Me? I'm totally fine," she tried to reassure Luke, but she turned toward the desk and hit her face into Luke's door. "Oh!"_

_Luke was concerned. "Lorelai!"_

_After hitting her head again, Lorelai tried to regain her composure. "Oh, God. Um," she laughed. "I'm fine. No problem," she said, squinting in pain. "Um, that was your door, so you could just follow that on up…and we'll see you at dinner. Rory?"_

"_Are you sure you're okay?" Luke asked._

"_Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine, it's like the third time I did that today. It's a bit," she lied. _

_Luke was having a similar kind of day. After giving her the flowers and having a little discussion with Jason, he wanted to make his intentions perfectly clear to Lorelai. Although he thought that he was being obvious enough, maybe he wasn't. Maybe he needed to be even more obvious than he already was._

"_I'm not a mysterious man, am I?" he blurted out._

"_Well, the wardrobe's a bit of a head scratcher," Lorelai teased._

_Luke was frustrated. "I think I've been very, very clear with my intentions…"_

"_Your…" _

"_You know, the wedding, the movie invite, the flowers," Luke continued._

_Lorelai laughed. "Luke…"_

"_You knew what I was doing!"_

"_Well, no, not officially," she protested._

_Luke wasn't buying it. Not officially? Oh, come on. I mean, I didn't have a ref present, but other than that."_

"_Well, you didn't say anything official," Lorelai pointed out._

_Luke huffed. "What was I supposed to say? I did things. I let my actions speak. That's what you're supposed to do. Your supposed to let your actions speak. That's the romantic way to do this, damn it." _

_Lorelai agreed. "Okay, you're right. I'm sorry."_

"_And you went along with all of it. So naturally, I assumed we were on the same page, and then your boyfriend shows up here at the inn that I invested in," Luke said, picking up the rant where he left off. _

_She was stunned. Boyfriend? What was Luke talking about? "Whoa, what boyfriend? Are you talking about Jason?"_

"_No, Tom. Yes, Jason," Luke shot back._

"_You guys were talking? What did he say?" she asked._

"_He said you were together. I mean, I was sitting there listening to this guy spout on and on about how it's right, you're right, he's right. The whole time, I'm thinking, "'What the hell have I been doing all this for? She's taken.'" _

_Lorelai followed Luke out the front door. "I -- I'm not taken! We broke up!"_

"_Well, he doesn't know that!"_

"_Well, just calm down!" Lorelai insisted._

"_Aw, I don't want to calm down! I did everything right! I did exactly what the book said!"_

_Lorelai was confused. "The book?!" _

"_I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy."_

_Lorelai shook her head. "I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!"_

_Luke continued his rant. "You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!" _

"_I loved the flowers!" Lorelai insisted._

"_And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment." _

"_There was! There was a moment," Lorelai agreed. _

_Luke gazed at Lorelai, and suddenly began to move closer. _

"_What are you doing?"_

"_Will you just stand still?" Luke asked, pulling her in for a kiss._

Luke remembered the kiss. Lorelai remembered the kiss. The only person that probably didn't remember the kiss was Jason. Lorelai turned to Luke. "Good kiss. Probably the best kiss I've ever had."

"What's the kiss got to do with predicting how our relationship was going to go?"

Lorelai sighed. "Well, it was kind of an intense first kiss, it wasn't a lovey-dovey moment. It also wasn't awkward, like 'oh, should I kiss you on the cheek or on the lips?', and it kind of just summed up our relationship. Not to mention the fact that Kirk came barreling through us."

Luke shook his head. "Kirk's crazy."

"Certifiably nuts," she agreed. "So who was your first kiss?"

Luke rolled his eyes. "Crazy Carrie pinned me down."

_Luke's class had just gotten out. He needed to meet up with Liz so they could walk home together. He stood by her cubby like he always did. Apparently Liz had a new cubby-mate._

"_Hiya, Lukey," she said, flirting as much as possible for a girl in elementary school._

_Luke rolled his eyes. "Hi, Carrie, bye, Carrie," he said, trying to move away from her. _

_What Luke didn't know was that even though Carrie was Liz's age, she was strong. She shoved him into the cubby and planted a kiss on his lips. Luke pushed her off, wiping his mouth._

"_Carrie, you're so gross!" Luke shouted._

_Carrie winked at Luke. "You know we're married now, right?"_

"_Tell Liz I'm outside?" he asked a random classmate as he ran out of the school._

Lorelai was holding her sides in a fit of laughter. "Luke. That. Is…" she started to say more, but had to catch her breath again.

Luke simply rolled his eyes. "Lorelai."

Lorelai wiped a tear from her eye. "That is hysterical. Oh, the image of little Luke, getting all grossed out by a girl who's half your size, your sister's age… ah, priceless."

"It's not funny," Luke protested.

"Sure it is," Lorelai said. "It's brilliant. That's Thanksgiving material. Fine, fine, I'll save it for Friday Night Dinner. Next rule, we'll move on," Lorelai teased. "But I gotta admit, that was the basis for the relationship for the rest of your lives."


	35. Rule 34

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 34**

**Birthdays are big in the Gilmore culture. They're a time when the world gets to outwardly appreciate your presence… with presents! **

"_Jeez. Every day you have a test. When do you have time to learn anything to be tested on?" Lane asked Rory as they walked into the diner._

_Luke saw where they were headed and decided to point them in the right direction. "Hey, wrong table," he said._

_Rory was confused. "Since when is there a right table?" she asked._

"_Since the coffee cake I baked for you and the stupid balloons I blew up are at that table, over there," Luke replied._

_Rory was surprised. "You blew up balloons for me?"_

"_Yep," Luke answered in his usual grumpy tone._

"_Oh, Luke, you old softie," Rory said sweetly._

_Luke rolled his eyes. "I count to three, it's gone," he muttered._

"_Thank you," Rory said, heading for the table with the goodies on it before it disappeared._

Lorelai grinned. "She talked about that coffee cake for weeks. So great of you, Luke. Especially if she talked about it for weeks. A book is usually three days and a reference sprinkled here and there, but the coffee cake and balloons from Luke? Much, much longer."

"This is turning into the 'Ways to Embarrass Luke' handbook, isn't it?" he asked. "You should add a disclaimer."

She giggled. "No, silly, I'm just reminiscing. This is a big rule. Gilmore birthdays? A huge deal. You were at Rory's Sweet 16, you know my passion for partying!"

Luke nodded. "I see."

Lorelai grinned. "The birthday party we threw April? That was on short notice. Imagine what I can do with lots of planning time! I could have a white party, only better than Diddy's."

"I can only imagine," Luke replied dryly.

"Well, there's no one to plan a party for right now, Rory's gone, and you hate parties. Planning for me is boring and slightly self centered. But you know, one of my favorite birthdays was my last one, where Rory came home?" she explained. "And I didn't even have to plan it. I just sat back and got treated like a princess and had the best birthday ever!"

"It was your best birthday ever?" Luke asked.

Lorelai shrugged. "Until the next one," she teased. "I outdo it for myself every year. But that was definitely in the top ten."

_Lorelai woke up to the sun pouring into the curtains. She hated that feeling she got in her eyes when the room suddenly transitioned from light to dark. It did not make her a happy camper. Whoever did it was going to pay, and she was not afraid to let them know it. It was early, she had the day off, and it was her birthday! _

"_That's cruel," Lorelai moaned. "It... should be a crime..." she put her head under her pillow and grumbled unintelligible sounds. _

"_Is it? Because I figured you'd want to see me, but maybe not," Rory's voice said from the curtains._

_Lorelai perked up. "My angel! When did you get here?"_

"_Happy birthday, Mom! I flew in late last night as a surprise."_

_Lorelai sat up in bed, opening her arms for Rory. "What a great surprise! It's good to see that the big bad world didn't chew you up too much! How are you? Did Luke plan this?" she asked, giving her daughter a hug._

_Rory sat down next to her mom. "I'm good. I missed you, and yes, Luke planned this," she said sweetly._

_Lorelai hugged Rory tighter. "Well, I'll thank him later," Lorelai said._

_"Dirty!" Rory exclaimed._

_Lorelai was so thrilled to see Rory after not seeing her in so long. It was almost unreal to see Rory sitting on the end of the bed, right there next to her. "Oh, sweets, you have no idea how much I've missed you!" she said. _

_Rory smiled. "I think I might have a clue, seeing as how you upped our minutes on the cell phones," Rory teased._

_"Ooh, that was low. I've taught you well," Lorelai giggled._

_"I have a present for you," Rory said, handing Lorelai a cup of coffee._

"_Ooh, nice present," Lorelai said, sipping the coffee._

_Rory reached down into a bag and pulled out a package wrapped in Hello Kitty wrapping paper and pink curly ribbon. "No, silly, this present! That was from Luke."_

_Lorelai reached out and grabbed the heavy square shaped package. Like a little child, she shook and inspected the present before opening it. "You learned to do the zippy ribbon!" Lorelai said, taking the ribbon and putting it like a necklace around her neck. _

_Rory put her head down. "Yeah, I finally figured it out... open it, open it!" she urged._

_Instead of tearing the wrapping paper, she carefully peeled the tape. "We have to save the pretty wrapping paper, and the bow, because it's your first zippy bow. You're a big girl now! Ooh! 'Uncle John's Curiously Compelling Bathroom Reader'! Huh?"_

_Rory giggled. "It's a book full of random facts, stupid laws, things like that. I found it rather amusing. Open it!"_

_Lorelai cautiously opened the book and a gift card to Sephora fell out. "Ah, you are my daughter. Thanks, sweets."_

_Rory smiled. "You're welcome. And you don't have to read that in the bathroom, you know."_

_Nodding, Lorelai shut the gift card back in the book. "Got it. I'll call you and wow you with all the knowledge I gain from the book."_

_Rory hugged Lorelai. "Please do. I miss you!"_

_Lorelai sighed and smiled. "I miss you, too, kid. Tell me about life on the campaign trail!"_

"_Not until you tell me about life with Luke," Rory insisted._

_Lorelai gasped. "You withhold information from me now, next thing I know, I'll get a Deep Throat calling here telling me your secrets!"_

"_I wouldn't go that far. But it's your birthday, you talk first," Rory replied, eagerly waiting for Lorelai to begin talking._

Luke shook his head. "A bathroom reader?"

Lorelai sighed. "That's not the point, Luke, man, you don't get this stuff. Thank goodness you have us, because you would be so lost without our insight, our beauty and our knowledge."

"Point being?" Luke asked.

"And Mr. Monosyllables is back," Lorelai answered.

"My attention span is slowly but surely going," Luke warned, stretching out his arms.

Lorelai smiled. "Well, then, you should be glad that we're almost done here, right?"

Luke nodded. "I suppose so. What's the next rule?"


	36. Rule 35

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 35**

**When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you cows, milk 'em.**

_Luke had offered yet again to lend his usual five hours of handiwork for Lorelai's birthday. Lorelai hadn't milked him like she should have that first year. She knew she'd have to make up for it for the rest of her birthdays. Forget the giant pizza, as great as it was… she had Luke to do whatever she wanted him to do on her birthday._

_When the thought popped into Lorelai's head, she added a 'dirty' to it, but then thought better of it. He was Luke, after all, and no matter how many hours she went over, he wouldn't charge her. In fact, he never did charge her. Not after the broken window, not after the countless bookshelves, lawn mowings, and not after any of the other miscellaneous projects he'd done._

"_Luke!" Lorelai said, opening the door and adjusting her tiara. "List."_

_Luke took the list. "Fix porch rail. Didn't I fix that already?"_

_Lorelai shrugged. "One of the little thingies came loose in the corner."_

"_So specific," Luke replied. "Fix dryer. Something's wrong with your dryer?"_

_She sighed, digging into her birthday cake and ice cream she held in a Scooby Doo plastic bowl. "Yeah, it doesn't turn on."_

_Luke moved on to the next item. "Fix stove. What's wrong with your stove?" he asked._

"_It sounds like it's going to blow up every time I turn it on. I don't want to see a mushroom cloud above Stars Hollow, that's not such a great idea," Lorelai explained._

_Luke skimmed the rest of the list. "I can do all this for you, they seem like they're easily fixed. Where should I start?" he asked._

"_Hmm," Lorelai pondered out loud, "I'm thinking the attic needs new insulation."_

_Luke looked at the list. "It's not on the list."_

_Grinning, Lorelai pointed to her sparkly tiara. "Birthday? Me? Present? Luke," she said, starting to pout._

"_Fine, fine, that can be done," he consented. "But I'll have to stop by the hardware store for that, so I'll finish that tomorrow, that okay?"_

_She nodded. "Very okay. Thank you," she replied._

_Luke got to work on the stove as Lorelai watched from the fridge. "So what's that tool? I mean, I know your basics, but what's that?"_

"_What's with the third degree?" he asked._

_She shrugged. "It's my birthday, I'm bored, Luke. Rory's not here… I'm sad," she said with a sigh. _

"_Does this sadness go away?" he asked, slightly frustrated._

_Lorelai nodded. "If you take me to the ceramic place," she added._

"_The ceramic place?" Luke confirmed._

"_Yeah, the place that you can choose your plate and paint it and make it all pretty and then you get to take it home!" she said excitedly._

_Luke rolled his eyes, debating whether or not to take her. It was her birthday, after all, he could agree congenially instead of rudely. He'd do it for her just this once. "All right. Then we should bring some things home for you to paint so you can be outta my hair while I fix this stuff for you!"_

_Lorelai hugged Luke. "Thank you, Luke, I'll go get my coat!"_

Grinning, Lorelai recalled making the plate. "I still have my Luke plate."

"I thought I fully repressed the fact that you made a plate with a picture of me that you painted on it," Luke muttered.

She shook her head. "Apparently you didn't, buddy. You aren't very good at repression."

"Who died and made you Freud?" Luke asked.

"I'm not Freud, I'm Lorelai Gilmore, expert analyzer of stuff."

"Expert analyzer of stuff?"

"Yes. I analyze things. A lot. Almost as much as I milk things."

Luke rolled his eyes. "You milk things a lot?"

"Yes, I'm very Greg Focker, I milk cats," Lorelai teased.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Huh?"

"Meet the Parents?"

Luke shook his head. "Never seen it," he insisted.

"Well, that's about to change. Next movie night, that's the one," Lorelai said. "I'll milk my free rental card."

"Free rental card?" Luke asked.

_Lorelai got the mail from the mailbox and sorted through it. "Bill, bill, junk, In Style… must read that later… bill, bill, Rory we want to to join the coast guard… ooh! Video store stuff!"_

_Lorelai tore the letter open, and a plastic card dropped out. She smiled when she read the letter. "Dear Ms. Gilmore, we are pleased to give you one free rental as a token of our gratitude for your business. As one of our most valued customers, we appreciate your business and we look forward to seeing you again!" she read._

"_Who's sucking up to you?" Rory asked, coming out of her bedroom._

"_Ah, it's the video store, I got a free rental card, and it never expires," Lorelai said._

_Rory smiled. "Cool, can we rent and mock the Brady Bunch movie tonight? I need a break from midterms."_

_Lorelai nodded. "Absolutely, kid. And while you're at it, let's rent one of the independent and obscure movies, they haven't gotten some Gilmore love in awhile."_

_Rory kissed Lorelai on the cheek. "Be back in a few minutes," she said._

_Lorelai sorted through the mail and flipped through the magazine while Rory was out. She was reading about the best nail polish color to complement her complexion when Rory came back._

"_Apparently there's some flaw with this card," Rory said._

_Lorelai pouted. "You had to pay for both?" she asked._

_Rory shook her head. "Even better. I paid for neither. Because it never expires, I rented both for free, seeing as how Kirk gave me the card back. You'd think it would keep the number in the computer, but noo! I got halfway back before I decided I wanted to try Blair Witch Project again, and Kirk asked me for the card again. I gave it to him, not thinking it would work, but it did!"_

_Lorelai took the card. "It's like wishing for unlimited wishes from a fairy godmother!"_

"_Or better," Rory replied._

_Lorelai nodded. "That's so true. I love this card, his name is Curtis. Curtis the movie card."_

Luke took the card that Lorelai handed him and inspected it. "Don't you think that everyone who works there by now knows you have this card?"

"Well, I use it on the new kids. Once. Then I use it on Taylor when he's in a hurry, or Kirk when he's not paying attention. Then I rent the others properly. I don't want my card to be cut up," she said, whispering the last two words.

"Why'd you whisper 'cut up'?" Luke asked.

Lorelai gasped. "He can hear you!" she hissed.

Luke rolled his eyes. "Ah, jeez," he said.


	37. Rule 36

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 36**

**If you don't know the answer, or can't answer the question with the truth, fake it. Just try your hardest to make it sound good.**

_Lorelai was greeted at Stars Hollow High Career Day with a big round of applause. She was suddenly no longer nervous. "No, no, save it for when I wow you with my brilliance. I'm really happy to be here with you all today. I recognize a lot of you from over the years and you're all getting taller and older – stop it. Anyhow, as some of you know, I run the Independence Inn. Sounds simple, running an inn. Well, the sentence is simple, the job is not. Like most jobs, mine involves many other people, people it is my job to hire, to train, and to inspire because when you have good employees it makes you look good. Oh, questions already – are questions okay?" _

"_They're encouraged," Debbie replied from her seat._

_Lorelai called on the girl who raised her hand. "Yes?"_

"_You're Rory Gilmore's mom, aren't you?"_

_Lorelai smiled. "Yes I am, and proud of it."_

"_Oh," the girl replied._

"_Oh, is that it? Well, I hope all your questions are that easy. Okay, now, why is it necessary to inspire employees? Why can't you just train 'em and let 'em do their jobs? Well…" a second girl raised her hand. "…yes?" _

"_Didn't you get pregnant when you were sixteen?" the girl asked._

"_Um, sixteen… it was around that age. Sixteen, that sounds right. Okay. Different people working for you will have different needs… yeah?"_

"_Well, what about school?" one boy asked._

_Lorelai was confused by his question, and hoped he meant schooling required for her job, the reason she was there! "School? I'm sorry."_

"_Did you drop out when you got pregnant with Rory?" he clarified. _

"_No, technically, I didn't drop out. I, uh, I kept going as long as I could while I got pregnant, which I would recommend to any girl. Not the getting pregnant part, obviously. Um, although, uh, if that happens, um, you know… it shouldn't. I mean, it could but you should try to avoid it… um, anyway, uh, I got my GED, yeah," Lorelai rambled. _

"_Lorelai, why don't we move this along?" Debbie pressed._

_Lorelai cleared her throat. "Yes, oh, moving it along, moving it along. Okay, okay, okay. Boy, I should've been more organized here."_

"_Well, are you sorry you got pregnant?" the girl who started it all asked._

_Lorelai shook her head. "No, it brought me Rory, but timing is everything. I mean, I could've… sixteen, you guys are sixteen, right… and hey, is that clock right?"_

_A third girl had a question. "What do you mean by timing?"_

_The first girl wasn't done torturing Lorelai. "Yeah, if you had waited and had a baby with another man at a different time…"_

_A fourth girl inserted herself into the conversation. "It wouldn't have been Rory, right?"_

"_Hey, you know what's fun to talk about? Late checkout," Lorelai said, trying to make it sound remotely interesting._

_The second girl seemed to want to continue the conversation. "But it was good you got pregnant when you did because you got Rory," she insisted._

"_Look, you guys, this is a very important subject, and I promise that another time I would love to take you all for a cup of coffee and, and talk about…" she paused as she caught sight of Debbie glaring at her. "…if you should even be allowed to drink coffee because coffee is for older…" she sighed. "Butch Danes, everybody."_

"That was humiliating," Luke recalled.

Lorelai gasped. "Uh, for who?"

Luke shrugged. "Both of us, I guess," he consented.

"I tried to make up good answers," Lorelai started, "But they just attacked me. I was like, whoa, who are you, Rosie O'Donnell gettting on Elisabeth Hasselbeck?"

"I think you answered as best as you possibly could, they were the ones that started it all themselves, you weren't the one who decided to give them a lesson," Luke replied.

"Thanks, Luke, that makes me feel a little better," she said. "I just didn't want to get a bad reputation, or Rory to get a bad reputation, you know?"

Luke nodded. "I understand."

"I've had to make up answers far more difficult than those," Lorelai recalled.

"_Mom?"_

_Lorelai looked up from her magazine. "Yeah, sweets?"_

"_What's a color?"_

_Lorelai scrunched up her nose at the difficulty of the question. "Strike one."_

"_Huh?" Rory asked._

_Sighing, Lorelai put the magazine down. "Well, it's hard to explain," she said, trying to force herself to remember the lesson on pigments, color and light she'd tried to learn in high school._

"_Okay," Rory said, seeming not to care._

_Lorelai sighed. "The best way I can explain it to you is that a color is the thing that comes out of a crayon. So, inside the crayon, there's a bunch of little color bubbles, that have… paint in them. And the bubbles pop when you want to color."_

_Rory's eyes widened. "Wow," she said, nearly breathless._

"_And they have crayons so you can match them with stuff outside, and that's how you learn what's supposed to be what color," Lorelai said, stunned her intelligent young daughter was believing this._

"_I like that answer. It's a good answer," Rory said, returning to her coloring book._

Luke shook his head. "How you come up with this stuff, I will never understand."

"I'm good at pressure, most of the time. When it's a vicious pack of sixteen year olds, it's a no brainer, I lose," Lorelai replied.

Rory took a sip of coffee, listening to Luke and Lorelai talk. "I bet that's how you gave most of your greatest excuses to Grandma," she mused.

Lorelai nodded. "Yeah, I had a few good ones, but then they started getting crazier and crazier, leading to my groundings."

Rory shook her head, smiling. "Gotta make them believable, Mom," Rory chided.

"You've been awfully quiet for the past few rules," Lorelai said to Rory.

Rory shrugged. "I just like watching you two interact with each other. It's really sweet," she reasoned.

Lorelai smiled. "You like watching Luke say 'ah, jeez,' to everything I have to say?"

"Yes, I do. It's nice to see you have someone in your life that makes you this happy. I mean, you're really, really happy," Rory insisted.

"I really am. Do you ever make up answers to stuff?" Lorelai asked Luke.

"Not unless it's to Kirk. And that's very rare that I get away with it because he says he knows otherwise."

"Why'd he ask you, then?" Rory chimed in.

"My point exactly," Luke replied. "He doesn't get it."

Lorelai turned the page and cleared her throat, signaling that she was ready to begin explaining the next rule, and Rory slipped out of the living room and back into her bedroom.


	38. Rule 37

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 37**

**Pouting to get your way is not just for five-year-olds.**

"_Good morning, Luke, I will have the delicious eggs with twice the normal amount of bacon, and some bacon on the side, and Rory will have her usual," Lorelai insisted._

_Luke had to take a double take. She called him LUKE. Not DUKE, but LUKE. Wow, was that a step. He nodded. "How do you want your eggs?" he asked._

_Lorelai contemplated. "Can you make me some sunny-side up, some scrambled, and some over-easy? We'll try poached and hard boiled another day. Ooh, and maybe eggs benedict, and omelets, too! I have yet to decide my favorite way to have my eggs, and I'm thinking I should probably start egg-sperimenting."_

_Rory giggled. "That was a good one," she said._

_Lorelai grinned. "Thank you. I thought so. So, Luke, what do you say to my sunny-scrambled-over easy egg breakfast?"_

_Luke rolled his eyes. "I can't make you three different types of eggs. That's going to take way too long and you probably won't eat them anyway with all the bacon you're going to be eating. That would completely defeat the purpose of you ordering them in the first place. You could try one a day and it would have the same effect."_

_Rory nodded. "Sorry, Mom, but he's got a good point," she said, looking up from her book to agree, then down at her book again._

_Lorelai pouted. "Please?" she asked._

_Luke had never seen the Gilmore pout before. Lorelai's lower lip seemed to go there naturally. How, Luke had no idea, but it stayed there. He had a feeling that it would stay there until he gave in._

"_Lorelai…"_

_Lorelai pouted even more. "Please?" she begged in a tiny voice._

_Luke shook his head, more in disbelief than to deny Lorelai her eggs. He couldn't believe her strange ability to get him to do exactly what she wanted him to do. He sighed, and shrugged. "Fine. Fine. Eggs scrambled, sunny side up, and over easy. Coming right up."_

"_Yay!" Lorelai clapped. "This is so exciting!"_

_Luke walked away, rolling his eyes, knowing that it would be near impossible to say 'no' to Lorelai Gilmore ever again. She knew how to get inside his head. She knew to use the pout, and Luke would cave. Maybe he could build a tolerance to the pout… but he was thinking it wouldn't come easy._

"That pout…" Luke started.

Lorelai grinned. "Is the best Gilmore feature besides our eyes, yes, I agree. It gets me whatever I want. It makes me somehow convince you of things I would never be able to get you to think about otherwise. I love it."

Luke shook his head. "You are so manipulative," he said.

"I love manipulating people. It's rather fun," Lorelai replied, rubbing her hands together as though she had an evil plan.

"Do you do this on a daily basis?" Luke asked, stunned.

Lorelai smiled. "It all depends on what's going on that day. Mostly it's just manipulating you," she teased.

"Are you saying I'm easily convinced?"

"Uh, yes," Lorelai said, cutting right to the chase.

Luke rolled his eyes. He made a mental note to ignore the pout from then on, but then again, he probably wouldn't be successful at it, anyway. But, he had to pretend he had some shred of dignity in him. He shook his head. "Okay, name another time I gave in. I bet I didn't just agree without some sort of self defense."

Lorelai thought for a moment, then grinned when she came up with yet another scenario. "You'll remember this one," she said.

_Rory had been away for three days, and Lorelai was going crazy. She missed Rory so much. What could she do? She could go shopping. But then again she'd have to shop all by herself. She could watch TV… but she'd be all by herself. Man, this 'all by herself' thing was getting to her. She suddenly got an idea. She could have Luke keep her company! Brilliant._

_She walked to the diner and walked in nonchalantly, waiting to be noticed. It took a few minutes, but Luke finally saw her sitting at the counter. "What are you doing here?" he asked._

"_I have a shirt, I'm definitely wearing shoes, so… service?" Lorelai quipped._

_Luke groaned. "I'm not in the mood for this, Lorelai, it's been a slow day, and I'm already irritated."_

"_Then I have a plan," Lorelai announced._

"_Don't you always," Luke grumbled._

_Lorelai grinned. "You can take me to laser tag," she announced._

"_No," Luke replied without thinking._

"_The arcade?"_

_Luke shook his head as a response._

"_The mall?" she asked. When his glare intensified, Lorelai pouted. "Well then, how about the batting cages? Compromise. Luke, I miss Rory, really badly, and I just need some company. Please? I won't keep you for more than two hours and I'll buy you lunch."_

_Luke's face softened a little. "You don't have to buy me lunch," he said with a sigh. "But if you want to go to the batting cages, you need to change your shoes."_

"_I'm on it, meet you here in ten minutes," Lorelai announced._

_Luke rolled his eyes. He'd so obviously been tricked by the pout once again._

Lorelai pumped her fist. "Ha. Told you there was another time," she said proudly.

"When hasn't there been a time when you've tried to manipulate someone using the pout? Even Taylor knows you've used the pout," Luke pointed out.

Lorelai consented. "This is true, but how often does it work on Taylor, huh? I'd say never. He's too stuck on his town bylaws that there'd never be a reason he'd go with me on the pout."

"And when did you develop this panacea, this world saving pout?" Luke replied sarcastically.

Lorelai gasped. "You really don't appreciate this kind of stuff, do you? I'm guessing you will never understand its full importance in your life."

"I really could live without that epiphany, thank you," Luke muttered.

Lorelai sighed. "Luke, you're almost done here. Then you can get your hat back and go to bed, or do the manly things you like to do. Like have spitting contests to see how far…"

"How many more rules do you have?" Luke asked, pretending to be impatient.


	39. Rule 38

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 38**

**If something involves Kirk Gleason, it's wise to be suspicious right away.**

"_Hi, Kirk," Lorelai said, watching Kirk sitting on the porch steps and flipping through the pages in a book. _

_Of all the places Kirk could possibly be, and this early in the morning, of course he had to choose Lorelai's house. Of course._

_Kirk immediately shot up. "Hi, Lorelai, I have a business proposition for you."_

"_You have until I get to the Jeep, Kirk," Lorelai said, already forming excuses in her head of why she didn't need or want the service or product he was offering this week. She knew he was sitting on her porch steps for a reason._

_Kirk took a deep breath. "I am here to offer my housekeeping services," he blurted out._

"_Well, Kirk, the inn has a great housekeeping staff, so thank you anyway, but I'm going to have to pass," she declined politely._

_Kirk walked sideways, facing Lorelai as he talked. "How about you use the service for your own home?"_

_Lorelai shook her head. "No thanks, Kirk. We're actually all set. I appreciate the thought, though."_

"_But you haven't let me finish my sales pitch. What if you learned something from my sales pitch you didn't know before that changed your mind?" Kirk protested._

_Lorelai opened the door to the Jeep and let her legs dangle out the driver door. "You have two minutes, Kirk, I'm being extra nice to you today, because frankly, I feel bad for you."_

_Kirk opened his book. "My housekeeping service is going where none have gone before. They're scrubbing every corner, cleaning every dust bunny, and making your place sparkle."_

"_The Merry Maids smile while they clean your house, do your housekeepers do that?" Lorelai teased._

_Kirk shrugged. "They could. They're rather multi-faceted."_

"_How many housekeepers do you have on your staff, Kirk?" Lorelai asked._

_Kirk was flustered. "Uh, staff. Well, at this point, it's just me, but Lulu would do it! We're kind of a new business, and we'd be glad to be of service."_

_Lorelai smiled gently. "Does your mom know you're doing this, Kirk?"_

_Kirk stomped his foot. "Mother does NOT need to know everything going on in my life! I am an adult! I can make a living for myself!"_

_Lorelai held up her hands. "Whoa, touched a nerve, sorry, Kirk, calm down. I appreciate your… enthusiasm, but I'll have to pass."_

"_Give me a chance, I promise you, I'll wow you," Kirk insisted._

_She shook her head. "Sorry, Kirk. Try Babette," she said, shutting the door to the Jeep._

Luke shook his head. "I remember him coming to the diner, offering the same thing. I didn't even give him one minute, let alone two."

Lorelai shrugged. "It is Kirk, I wouldn't be surprised if you shut him down completely."

"He tried to sell me tickets to the World Series, and that was the only time I'd listened to him. Then he decided he was going to scalp me twice the price and I shut him down," Luke replied. "It wasn't even the Red Sox World Series, it was the Tigers and the Cardinals."

"If it were the Red Sox, would you have bought the tickets?" Lorelai asked.

Luke sighed. "I'd have been awfully tempted, even if it were Kirk, strangely enough."

"How many jobs does Kirk have, anyway? He's been a mailman, a security guy, video store clerk," Lorelai said, putting a finger up for each job she named.

Luke rolled his eyes. "He works at Stars Hollow Beauty Supply."

Lorelai giggled. "That's rather amusing," she said. "He has too many jobs to count. So you remember a time when Kirk tried to get you to do something?"

Luke leaned his head back on the couch. "I remember far too many times."

"_Luke, how's business in this lovely establishment lately?" Kirk asked._

_Luke motioned to the lunch rush in the diner. "What does it look like to you?" he growled._

_Kirk nodded. "Decent, decent. But do you feel like doubling your profit?"_

"_Someone's awfully ambitious," Babette piped up._

_Miss Patty agreed. "Double the profits? How would you assist in that, Kirk?"_

_Kirk followed Luke as he served the lunch rush. "Well, I have an in with the billboard company that does the billboards on a few major highways. You think you want to be on a giant billboard? You know, 'Luke's Diner, next exit' with you, holding a plate with an omelette on it?"_

_Luke stopped in his tracks. "No."_

"_But Luke, you'd be a famous face! Your face would be recognizable worldwide! You'd be right up there with the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Alfred Hitchcock, Mickey Mouse…" Kirk protested._

_Babette laughed. "Mickey Mouse?"_

_Miss Patty was also in hysterics. "How long do you think he'll stay until Luke kicks him out?"_

"_Two minutes," Babette answered, and the two women watched the ongoing banter._

_Kirk continued to stick by Luke. "I urge you, Luke, take the offer. Your diner would definitely benefit. I have no question in my mind that it would be the best business decision you'll ever make. Remember, famous, recognizable faces…"_

_Luke turned around. "Kirk? Your face won't be recognizable after I'm through with you unless you leave right now," he warned._

_Kirk's eyes widened. "You're not taking the offer? It's once-in-a-lifetime!" _

_Luke took a deep breath. "You have until I count to five, if you're still here, you're going to be awfully sorry," Luke said._

_Kirk ran out of the diner faster than Luke had ever seen him run. Babette and Miss Patty were still laughing hysterically, trying to figure out what Kirk was even offering Luke. Luke grabbed the order pad and pen he'd set down and went back to work._

Lorelai smiled. "Absolutely hysterical. 'If you don't leave the diner, your face won't be recognizable.' So Luke-like, I'm rather impressed."

"He was getting on my last nerve that day," Luke sighed.

"As opposed to how much he's annoyed you every other day?"

"You've got a point," Luke admitted.

Lorelai grinned. "You're learning so much from this little exercise, aren't you proud of yourself?" she asked excitedly.

"Couldn't be prouder," Luke muttered sarcastically.

She kissed him on the cheek. "You're almost done, I promise."


	40. Rule 39

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 39**

**When the realities of life hit you, and you need to take care of business, if need be, put your pride aside and get it done.**

"_Hi, Mom."_

_Emily looked stunned to see Lorelai. "Lorelai, my goodness, this is a surprise. Is it Easter already?"_

_Lorelai laughed nervously. "No, I just, uh, finished up my business class and I thought I would stop by."_

"_To see me?" Emily asked, obviously trying to uncover Lorelai's hidden agenda, the true reason she showed up._

_Lorelai smiled. "Yes."_

"_Well, isn't that nice. Come in," Emily said._

_Lorelai smiled. "Thanks."_

_After some awkward small talk regarding the business class Lorelai was taking as well as Emily's friends, Richard helped to break the awkward silence._

"_Emily? I'm home," he called from another room._

"_We're in here," Emily replied._

_Lorelai gave a pleasant smile when she saw her father. "Hi, Dad."_

"_What is it, Christmas already?" Richard asked, somewhat condescendingly._

"_Lorelai was taking a business class at the college today and decided to drop in to see us," Emily explained._

_Richard was confused. "What business class?"_

"_Well, she told us about it, dear, remember?" Emily answered._

"_No."_

_Lorelai interrupted the debate of the business class to get the real reason why she was there over with. She knew that her parents were aware of exactly why she was there, so she might as well rip the metaphorical band aid off quickly, because it was for Rory, adfter all. "Well, actually, I came here for a reason. Dad, would you mind sitting down for a minute?" _

"_You need money," Richard predicted._

"_I have a situation," Lorelai began, not expecting a different reaction from her parents._

"_You need money," Richard repeated once again._

_Lorelai sighed. "Dad, will you just please let me get this out, okay? Um, Rory has been accepted to Chilton." _

_Emily lit up. "Chilton? Oh, that's a wonderful school. It's only five minutes from here."_

"_That's right, it is. She can start as early as Monday. Um, the problem is that they want me to put down an enrollment fee plus the first semester's tuition, and I have to do that immediately or she loses her spot," Lorelai explained._

"_So, you need money," Richard said for a third time, not wasting time._

_Lorelai nodded. "Yeah. But it's not for me, it's for Rory. And I fully intend to pay you back every cent. I don't ask for favors, you know that."_

"_Oh, yes, we know," Emily said in a snobbish tone._

"_I'll get the checkbook," Richard insisted._

_Lorelai was relieved. "Thank you. You have no idea. Thank you," she said sincerely._

"_On one condition," Emily started._

_Lorelai sighed. "So close," she mumbled to herself, knowing some pain and torture was now imminent._

_Emily continued. "Since we are now financially involved in your life, I want to be actively involved in your life," she insisted. _

"_What does that mean, Mother?" Lorelai asked, frustrated._

"_I want a weekly dinner," Emily replied._

_Lorelai was shocked. "What?"_

"_Friday nights, you and Rory will have dinner here."_

_Lorelai tried to protest. "Mom..."_

"_And you have to call us once a week to give us an update on her schooling and your life. That's it. That's the condition. If you agree, you'll come to dinner tomorrow night and leave here with a check. Otherwise, I'm sorry, we can't help you," Emily said, standing her ground._

"_I don't want her to know that I borrowed money from you. Can that just be _

_between us?" Lorelai asked. _

"_Does seven o'clock work for you?" Emily asked._

"_Perfect," Lorelai said, forcing a smile._

Lorelai could remember exactly how she felt going into the Gilmore mansion asking for financial assistance. She also remembered how it felt to have something like that hanging over her head for so long. She turned to Luke and sighed. "Is that example self-explanatory?" she asked.

Luke smiled. "Sure," he said softly, not wanting to make Lorelai upset. "But I want to at least tell you that you live by that rule, every day. Because you did, it shaped you as a person, and it shaped Rory as a person. And I'm proud of you," he continued.

"Thanks, Luke. I don't hear that very often," she replied.

He took her hand and kissed it, playing with the engagement ring on her finger. "You're welcome."

Lorelai was grateful that Luke said that to her, and she was grateful that she was going to have someone to look out for her. It was going to be nice being married to someone she really loved. "I showed you the potting shed, right?" she blurted out suddenly.

Luke nodded. "Yes you did."

She smiled. "Stupid as it sounds, I loved it. It wasn't the most comfortable of living conditions, but for some reason, I was proud of it."

"_You can stay here for as long as you need, until you can find yourself someplace decent to live," Mia said, unlocking the doors to the shed._

_Lorelai was grateful for anything she could have, but compared to what she'd envisioned, the shed was a mansion. It had just enough space for everything she could possibly have needed. A smile crept across her face as Mia showed her around the small, yet cozy space._

"_Over there is your bed, Rory's bed, a desk and a chair, and there's a little table over here. I'm sorry there's no plumbing out here, but whenever you need, we'll get you and Rory a shower at the inn, and you can use the restrooms there, until we figure something out," Mia explained._

_Lorelai nodded. "Thank you, so much," she replied._

"_And it can get a little chilly here in the winter, but we'll be sure to get you a space heater, at least. Sound all right?"_

"_Better than all right. Amazing. Thank you again," Lorelai said genuinely._

_Lorelai stayed in the potting shed until she got on her feet. Some nights, it was the greatest sanctuary ever, keeping her and Rory safe and warm. Other nights, she would stay awake in bed, dreaming of a house with heat, plumbing, and running water. Maybe even a kitchen that she could store things in… she wasn't much of a chef. But for that moment, her dreams were put aside to focus on what she and Rory needed at that second._

"And that's why I love this house. It took me forever to save for it, and it's my first house. I'd hope it will be my last," Lorelai said.

Luke nodded. "I like the house."

"You put so much into the house, I'd be surprised if you didn't like it," she teased.

He nodded. "Well, my liking the house wasn't the reason for me doing all those repairs on it," he explained.

Lorelai smiled. "It was because you LOVED me. I love hearing it. You loved me from day one. It's part of what makes you so adorable," she teased, wrapping her arms around him.

"I won't be so adorable if this doesn't get finished quickly," Luke muttered.

Lorelai shook her head, and turned the page, knowing full well that Luke was only pretending to be annoyed.


	41. Rule 40

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 40**

**Always make wishes at 11:11, and if you say something crossing your fingers, it doesn't count.**

"_Whoa, look!"_

_Lorelai emerged from room six at the inn and came out into the lobby to see what Rory was so excited about. "What is it, sweets?" Lorelai asked._

_Rory grinned. "It's 11:11. It's all ones!" she said, proudly. _

_Lorelai put her hand on Rory's shoulder. "You know what that means, don't you?"_

_Rory shook her head solemnly. "No, what does it mean?" she asked, curious._

_Lorelai stooped down to her daughter's level. "That means that you have to make a wish. Whenever it's 11:11 you have to make a really good wish, and don't tell anyone. Keep it inside your head. And then it will come true. But you have to decide before it turns to 11:12, because then the wish doesn't count. Quick, make a wish! Hurry!"_

_Rory squeezed her eyes shut. She thought long and hard before opening her eyes. When they finally fluttered open, Lorelai smiled. "You make a good wish?"_

_Rory nodded. "It's a really, really, really, really good wish."_

_"Wow, four reallys? Must be great then, if that many reallys made it._ _Don't tell anyone what the wish is, all right? But don't forget it, either, okay?" Lorelai insisted._

_"Deal," Rory said enthusiastically._

Luke shook his head. "Figures you'd believe in superstitious stuff like that," he said.

"Well," Lorelai started, "yeah, we do. But it's only because Rory's very first 11:11 wish came true."

"Did she wish for coffee?" Luke asked.

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "No. She told me the other day that she wished that I would fall in love with someone who loved me just as much as I loved him. That would be you."

"Really? That was her wish? How old was she?" Luke asked.

Lorelai shrugged. "Seven? She was always a deep thinker."

"Apparently so," Luke replied.

She sighed, remembering the night when Rory spilled the wish. She knew then that superstitious stuff wasn't so crazy after all. "One more example, then you've only got three more rules. Can you handle that?"

Luke shrugged. "Yeah. It's not so bad."

Lorelai's eyes widened. "I knew you were a big faker. Maybe you said it with your fingers crossed."

"My fingers crossed? Said what with my fingers crossed?" Luke asked.

"That you were so bored, that this was frustrating, that you just wanted to get this rule thing over with…"

He shook his head. "Some of these rules are good, but others? The others confirm the fact you're crazy."

"Crazy… crazy for feeling…" Lorelai sang under her breath.

"Example? Please?" Luke asked impatiently.

_Lorelai sat on the couch, reading a book about an obscure band that she got from Sookie for her birthday. Maybe she'd actually be able to get through a chapter, as she had been so busy for the past few days. She was deep into the first chapter when the ringing phone startled her. She groaned._

"_Whoever you are, call back!" she shouted, trying to force herself to get up. The phone continued to ring and Lorelai finally reached for it. "Hello?" she answered._

"_Lorelai, it's your mother," Emily said from the other line._

_Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Hi, Mom," she said, forcing herself to be polite._

_Emily didn't take notice of the forced courteousness. "You're awfully chipper for noon on a Saturday," she muttered._

"_Luke made me coffee this morning. That makes me more congenial. It's like some people and their happy pills," Lorelai teased._

_Emily sighed. "Anyway, I wanted to call and speak to you about the DAR function we're holding at the inn next weekend. I'm aware that Sookie will not be the chef for it, as she is still on maternity leave, is that correct?"_

_Lorelai sat up on the couch. "Yes, Mom, she just had another baby girl."_

"_I was aware, Lorelai, I sent flowers. Do you think I'm incompetent, and did not receive the birth announcement in the mail?"_

"_Sorry, Mom, I didn't know you knew. Just trying to let you in on my life, here," Lorelai replied, frustrated._

"_Fine. So who will be doing the menu?"_

_Lorelai sighed. "Sookie hired an interim chef, Rob, who is doing a fantastic job. Pumpkin pie is his specialty," she raved._

"_Perfect for our harvest theme. I need there to be three pies, at least, so all the ladies can have some. I also need some decorative items placed around the dining room, pumpkins and such. Are you writing all of this down?" Emily asked._

_Lorelai put her feet up on the couch, and looked for a pen and paper. When she saw neither, she held up her left hand and crossed her index and middle fingers. "Yes, pumpkin pie, pumpkins, foliage…"_

"_You're not writing this down," Emily said sternly._

_Lorelai kept her fingers crossed. "Mother, I am writing it down because I don't want the inn to look bad. I don't want to look bad. Do you not trust me that much that you think I'd be so irresponsible?"_

"_Fine. This is important, so I want you to make sure this will all get done. I need pies, decorations, and I also need to know what the main course will be," Emily insisted._

_Lorelai rolled her eyes. "I believe he's planning on chicken marsala, but that was per your request. If you want it changed, I will ask him if it is too late to change."_

"_What we had originally planned on is fine, Lorelai. Don't forget to relay this to your staff. I will see you Friday," Emily said._

Luke looked at Lorelai. "How many times did you cross your fingers when you talked to me?" he asked.

She shrugged, letting a mischievous smile show. "A few," she said vaguely.

"A few?" Luke asked.

Lorelai giggled. "A few," she said. "Just a few."

"A few? Thousand, hundred, million?"

"A few," Lorelai insisted, and turned the page.


	42. Rule 41

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 41**

**If all else fails, and you're still bored, annoy Luke. That should entertain you.**

"_This is so much fun! I never realized that a rhyming dictionary could be so amusing!" Lorelai raved, flipping the pages of the rhyming dictionary, searching for a new word to rhyme._

_Rory nodded. "It takes a few times to get the hang of it, but then it becomes really entertaining."_

_Luke walked over to the table. "What are you doing?"_

"_Looking up words in the rhyming dictionary," Rory answered. "I have to write poetry for school so I invested in it."_

_Lorelai's eyes lit up, and she flipped through the pages quickly. "Aha! Words that rhyme with 'Luke'!"_

"_Ah, jeez, Lorelai…" Luke groaned._

_Lorelai continued. "Boock, brueck, duke… you already knew that one… fluke, glueck, hoock, juke, kook, leuck, nuke… nuke, that's funny!"_

_He rolled his eyes. "Are you finished yet?"_

"_We're only on the one syllable words," she said, shaking her head. She cleared her throat. "Where was I? Ah, yes… puke!"_

_Luke walked into the kitchen, ignoring Lorelai. She followed him, reciting the rest of the amusing words that rhymed with Luke. "Spook, Dubuque, liver fluke. Hee! That one was especially funny. But I still think the word 'puke' is the best!"_

_Luke turned to Lorelai. "Get. Out. Of. My. Kitchen," he said, his voice lowering almost to a whisper as he got angrier. _

_Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Fine, Mr. Cranky-Pants. That's just f__ine. You're just missing out!"_

"_On what?" Luke asked, "Losing my sanity? Oh, yeah, sign me up for THAT!"_

_Lorelai shook her head. "You know, laughter adds 8 years onto your life?"_

"_You know coffee kills?" Luke replied._

"_Puh-lease," Lorelai scoffed. "If coffee killed, I'd have been dead and buried for years now."_

_Rory giggled at the exchange taking place. She watched as Luke took the rhyming dictionary and placed it in front of her. "Thanks!" she said._

"_I'd have thrown it out the door, but since it's a school book of yours, I decided I wouldn't," Luke said. "If it was your mother's book, though, that would be a different story."_

_Rory giggled. "I appreciate you thinking of me."_

_Lorelai pouted. "Fine. I suppose you were Peter Pan's polar opposite?"_

_Luke rolled his eyes. "Huh?"_

"_Peter Pan… I don't want to grow up, blah blah blah… you must have been thinking things were dumb at six."_

_Luke pointed to her seat. "Sit in the seat and eat your food or you won't eat here again," he threatened._

"_Ooh, I'm so scared! Rory, save me!" Lorelai teased._

Luke rolled his eyes. "You dedicated an entire rule to the purpose of annoying me when you're bored?"

Lorelai nodded. "Yes. Yes, we did."

"Why?"

Lorelai giggled. She thought for a moment and shrugged. "It's obviously because it's FUN. Duh."

"Fun for who?" Luke shot back. "I'm the one who had to deal with all of the craziness."

She smiled. "Jeez, that's so low. It's fun for the whole family!" she teased.

Luke groaned. "It's Rule 41, and we finally get to the most annoying rule."

"We save the best for last," Lorelai insisted. "Oh, I know a time where you were more annoyed with me than you were at that moment."

"Impossible," Luke replied.

"Possible. Definitely possible."

_Luke walked over to the table Lorelai and Rory were sitting at. "What can I get you?" he asked._

"_What can I get you?" Lorelai repeated._

_Luke looked at her. "Why did you just repeat what I just said?"_

_Lorelai glanced at Rory, gave her a wink, and took a deep breath. "Why did you just repeat what I just said?"_

"_Lorelai," Luke warned._

"_Lorelai," Lorelai repeated._

_Luke rolled his eyes. "Are you going to order, or just repeat what I say all day long?" _

"_Are you going to order, or just repeat what I say all day long?"_

_Luke gave Rory a pleading look. "Don't you have some sort of influence over her? Can you make her stop?"_

"_Don't you have some sort of influence over her? Can you make her stop?"_

_Rory smiled. "Sorry, Luke, I tried to talk her out of it in the first place, but you know her. When her mind's made up, it's made up."_

"_No coffee for you, then," Luke insisted._

_Lorelai gasped. "You wouldn't!"_

_Rory giggled. "That got her to cave awfully fast. I was going to suggest you say something rather stupid to make her repeat, but you thought up a solution."_

"_I did have a sister growing up," Luke reminded Rory. "I was aware of all of the tricks. But thanks for thinking of me."_

_Rory nodded. "Anytime."_

"_Darn. I'm very disappointed I didn't win this game," Lorelai said, sipping her coffee. "Correction, maybe I'm not. This was a lovely parting gift."_

_Rory shrugged. "You win some, you lose some. As long as your consolation prize is good, who cares?"_

_Lorelai smiled. "That's a good motto to live by. Who said that?"_

"_Who said what?" Rory asked._

"_The quote you just said."_

_Rory giggled. "Me. I made it up."_

"_Very clever," Lorelai said, sipping her coffee._

Luke sighed. "Yeah, you were rather annoying that day."

"Good. I did my job," Lorelai said proudly.

"You definitely treat it like it's your job," Luke replied.

Lorelai smiled. She planted a kiss on Luke's cheek. "That means I'm doing it right. If you think I do it like it's my job, then I am pretty good at this bothering you stuff."

He took her hand. "I guess you are."

"We've only got two more rules! Aw, this is so sad, Luke!"

"Finally," Luke replied. "The end couldn't have come fast enough."

"It's not here yet," Lorelai insisted. "You can do your mental happy dance when it's over, but right now? It ain't over until there's no more rules."

Luke sighed. "Okay, Yogi Berra, let's move on, then."

"Yogi Bear?" Lorelai asked.

"Yogi Berra… Yankees legend… he said a lot of dumb quotes. I'm surprised you didn't know about him already, what with all the stupid things he's said," Luke explained.

Lorelai smiled. "Well, then, I guess I'll Google him later. Ooh, that sounds so dirty!"

Luke rolled his eyes. "Ah, jeez. Please, can we get through this? I'd rather not prolong it."

"You act like you're in pain. Admit it. You love it."


	43. Rule 42

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 42**

**All fads eventually fade, but making references to them surely doesn't. References are timeless.**

_Lorelai sat on the front step with Rory, drinking lemonade. It was nearing the end of the summer before Rory went to high school, and Lorelai was trying to spend as much time as possible with Rory. She looked out onto the street, watching Kirk in his attempt to start his new dog walking service. He obviously wasn't doing so well, as the dogs were everywhere at once. "Zoinks," she said suddenly._

"_Zoinks?" Rory asked._

_Lorelai nodded. "You know, Scooby Doo. Shaggy and Scooby's word for 'oh my' or 'wow' or 'oh my goodness' or 'oh, jeez'?"_

"_I remember, I just never expected you to say it," Rory replied. "It's not one of those things that you expect someone to say when they're surprised."_

"_Expect the unexpected, my friend. But seriously, the thing about TV shows, movies, books and references to them is that they never go out of style. It's easy for us to bring them back up and suddenly you've got yourself a conversation starter or you'll be known as the girl with the crazy fun references. It's a great way to seal your identity in high school," Lorelai replied._

"_If I keep sitting here like this, I'll be called Stoop Kid, not 'the girl with the crazy fun references,'" Rory replied._

_Lorelai scrunched up her nose. "Stoop Kid?"_

"_Word is that Stoop Kid never leaves his Stoop."_

_Lorelai giggled. "Hey Arnold, right? Gotta love obscure Nickelodeon cartoons."_

"_Of course. Where else do you think I got my surprise carnival day theory?" Rory said matter of factly._

"_The theory you always use to try to get me to let you go to school and not give you a mental health day?" Lorelai asked, sipping her lemonade._

_Rory nodded. "Well, Arnold skipped school and it was Surprise Carnival Day… if I miss school, something good will happen, like the girl who wears the really short skirt will bend over and we could see London, France, Belguim, and Rome!"_

"_All that AND the underpants? And you would want to be there because? Doesn't sound like much of a Carnival Day for me."_

_Rory shrugged. "It's the fact that I would be there when she got humiliated. I'd miss it, otherwise!"_

_Lorelai smiled. "Ah, you really are my daughter. Then again, if it happened, she'd deserve it. She should know what to wear under such a short skirt!"_

"_I know, right? It's the truth," Rory replied._

"_The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!" Lorelai replied. "Hey, do you remember 'Doug'? That was quality TV."_

Luke rolled his eyes. "Where do you come up with this stuff?"

Lorelai grinned. "Years of movies and TV shows that were so awful that I could do nothing but mock them to amuse myself while watching them. Otherwise, I'd bore myself to tears."

Luke sighed. "And you think other people will understand these references?"

"Maybe, maybe not."

"And what if they don't?" Luke asked.

"Then they do what you do. Give that blank stare, shake their head, and walk away," Lorelai teased. "I have some really good references up my sleeve, it's just that the world doesn't notice them and thinks that they're confusing."

"They are confusing," Luke replied.

Lorelai gasped, playfully slapping Luke. "They are NOT confusing. The world is just rather ignorant."

"_So then she got up, and sang this song to him. It was very Marilyn and 'Happy Birthday, Mr. President,'" Lorelai explained._

_Rory giggled. "Really? That bad, huh?"_

_Lorelai nodded. "Yup. I was stunned. So then, that other lady that married that other guy? Okay, they were as strange as, if not stranger than, Angelina and Billy Bob. Keep in mind that they're your grandmother's age."_

_Rory scrunched up her nose. "Do I really want to hear about that?"_

_Lorelai shook her head. "Nope. So anyway, to change the subject, Michel was being really aggravating today. You know that guy on TV who always ends up showing up at the least opportune time?"_

"_Steve Urkel?" Rory asked._

"_That's a good example, but I was just being general," Lorelai explained. "And he's more Kimmy Gibbler than anyone else."_

_Rory nodded. "Ooh, that Kimmy Gibbler was really annoying. I gotcha. Carry on,"_

_Lorelai continued. "So anyway, he comes up to me and he was like, 'oh, what a disaster, my pancakes had too many blueberries in them, I will now curl up in a ball and die.' What a drama queen," Lorelai said, mocking Michel in her best French accent._

"_Did you tell him he was being too overdramatic?" Rory asked._

_Lorelai nodded. "Definitely! I told him that he'd never be able to call in on the radio for Celine tickets ever again if he didn't stop."_

"_And what did he say?" Rory pressed._

_Lorelai shrugged. "Well, he went all Bubbles on me. If he were a Powerpuff Girl, that's who he would have been. I was almost afraid it was going to be like one of those 'Bachelor' shows when the girls catfight."_

"_That is bad," Rory agreed. "Wow, that conversation was rather reference-laden."_

_Lorelai nodded. "I'd been thinking of good ones, all day, just for you!"_

_Rory smiled. "You're so good to me!"_

"You think of these ahead of time?" Luke grunted.

Lorelai shook her head. "Sarcasm is lost on you, but you can be sarcastic? Weird."

"What do you mean, sarcasm is lost on me?" Luke asked defensively.

"That last part about me thinking of the references all day was a joke," Lorelai explained.

Luke looked at the book, and then at Lorelai. "We only have one more rule," he said.

Lorelai looked down at the rule book she held in her hands. She smiled. "Yeah, but we can do a quick recap if you'd like!"

"I'll pass. Let's just go straight to Rule 43," Luke suggested.

"All right, all right, fine. But there will be a quiz, so be prepared!"

"Sarcasm," Luke muttered.

"Dead serious," Lorelai replied.

Luke rolled his eyes. "Lorelai, seriously! Of all the things you could possibly have done, a quiz?"

"Sarcasm really is lost on you. Jeez, Luke, lighten up just a tiny bit, okay? Last rule's most important," she said.


	44. Rule 43

**Gilmore Handbook Rule 43**

**Lorelai and Rory are best friends first, mother and daughter second.**

"_So what do you miss about being home? Some of you live close, some live in another country… but we all miss being at home."_

_Rory rolled her eyes. She was shocked that she rolled her eyes. She had just completed yet another ice breaker, and she was surprisingly sick of them. She was sick of the game when people ate popcorn for things they'd never done before, she was sick of the name initial game where she had to think of an adjective that described her using the letter "R". She wanted to go home. She missed Lorelai. A lot._

"_Rory?" the overly perky Orientation Leader asked. "What do you miss about home?"_

_She thought for a moment. She didn't want to say 'my mom', because if she just said that without any explanation, that would prove to be rather embarrassing. If she explained the entire Gilmore history, that could be potentially boring and confusing to others. She shrugged. "I miss my best friend."_

"_Where does she go to school?" the Orientation Leader asked, reminding Rory slightly of a therapist._

_Rory shook her head. "She's done with school. She's a few years older than me. She graduated from business school not too long ago," she said, being as vague, yet specific as possible._

_The orientation leader smiled. "We all miss our friends, it gets difficult sometimes, but your friends can always come and visit, burn some money off of your meal plan."_

_Rory smiled and nodded. She did miss her mom, her best friend, a lot. It hadn't been too long, and she was surely going to see her again sooner than a lot of people at Yale would see their friends and family, but she missed having Lorelai around all the time. Rory certainly had other friends, and planned to make new ones, but having her best friend right there, at her house, when she needed Lorelai was more valuable than she ever thought._

_And suddenly Harvard seemed so far away. Rory sighed. She was glad that she ended up choosing Yale. Her best friend certainly wasn't in Boston, she was in Connecticut… and from the way things were looking, Rory would be perfectly comfortable in Connecticut for awhile herself._

"Rory told me that story on the phone that night," Lorelai reminisced. "It made me miss her even more than I thought possible."

Luke smiled. "I know how it is to miss someone that's your best friend in the world."

"Who's your best friend?" she asked, almost teasing Luke. Luke just looked at Lorelai, and Lorelai blushed a little. "Oh. Oops," she giggled. "Sorry."

He took her hand. "I know that Rory's had Lane, too, but there were times when she'd talk about you like you were way more than a best friend… more of a role model, a mentor… someone she knew she could always trust."

Lorelai smiled. "Well, then, that's a 'star' friend. That friend is better than a best friend. But you don't tell anyone who your star friend is because you don't want them to get jealous."

"Huh?" Luke asked.

Lorelai sighed. "When I was in kindergarten, there was a girl who told me that I wasn't her star friend. She had to explain to me what a star friend was… it was this friend, this mega super friend. If this star friend were a car, it would be a Lamborghini or a Porsche. Anyway, so this friend was way, way better than a best friend. And I promised myself that someday I would find myself a star friend."

"Rory's that friend," Luke said.

She nodded. "You got it."

"You guys are really close. That's nice," he said, turning to Lorelai.

"I miss her when she's gone. My fashion sense suffers."

_Rory's telephone rang while she was trying to decipher her notes. Barack Obama talked faster than Rory thought he did, and she had to speed her writing up to catch up. She reached for the phone and opened it. "Hello?"_

"_My bestest friend in the whole wide world!" Lorelai drawled into the phone._

_Rory giggled. "Mom, are you drunk?"_

_Lorelai shook her head. "Unless Doritos are alcohol, I'm completely sober. I need your help."_

"_You ate Doritos that had alcohol?" Rory asked, confused._

"_No, Rory, no alcohol. I need advice," Lorelai replied._

_Rory nodded. "Okay, shoot."_

"_First date with Luke."_

_Rory's eyes widened. "Well, that was awfully fast," she said, in more of a sing-songy voice._

"_Hey, hey, hey… outfit. Please," Lorelai interrupted._

_Rory put down her notes. She closed her eyes and tried to visualize Lorelai's closet. It had only been a week since Rory was out on the road, but the mass of clothes seemed to bunch together in her mind. "Wear your blue sweater. And that black skirt I know he likes."_

_Lorelai giggled. She looked through the clothes in the closet to find the skirt. "You're thinking awfully dirty thoughts, aren't you?"_

"_My mind can be a sewer of dirty thoughts, you've just never experienced it," Rory said sweetly._

_Lorelai sighed. "I miss you, kid."_

"_I miss you, too, Mom," Rory replied._

Lorelai gently shut the book and placed it beside her. She sighed and turned to Luke. "And that, Luke Danes, is what you need to know in order to understand the Gilmores."

"Why do I have a feeling that I won't understand you no matter how many times I read that book?" Luke replied.

She put her head on his shoulder. "Well, I think a few will stick, not all of them, but a few. I know you liked at least one rule, come on."

Luke kissed his fiancé. He stood up and stretched his legs, eager to get off of the couch after hours upon hours of storytelling and explanation of what he needed to know to survive a marriage to a Gilmore. "Hey, uh… I appreciate you trying to include me. It was really nice of you."

Lorelai smiled and took Luke's hand. "Well, you've included me a lot, so I wanted to return the favor."

He nodded. "I have one question, though."

"Ask away. I am your regular Jeeves," Lorelai teased.

"Can I have my hat back?"

Lorelai playfully hit him on the arm, feigning offense that he asked for his hat. She gave him a hug and a kiss, and pulled back with a wink. "I don't think you'll be needing it for a little while," she said.

"Ah, jeez," Luke said, blushing.

"What?" Lorelai asked. "You won't."

Luke shook his head, following Lorelai upstairs, making a mental note to find his hat later.


	45. Epilogue

As Lorelai sat on the end of her bed on the morning of her wedding, she couldn't help but think back to the day earlier in the week that Luke sat and took in all the rules that Lorelai and Rory had instituted years ago. Fingering her engagement ring, she could picture the dress hanging above her closet both on her body and on the floor later that night. Dirty as it was, she was looking forward to it. Then, she could let the dress wrinkle for as long as she wanted it to.

She got up and stretched. She smiled as she caught sight of her wedding dress again as she made her way downstairs. Rory sat at the kitchen table, looking through the rule book she had gone through with Luke. When Rory heard Lorelai come downstairs, her head shot up. "Here comes the bride," she teased.

Lorelai smiled. "The bride needs coffee," she said sleepily.

Rory nodded. "It's on the counter. Luke brought some over this morning," she said, gesturing toward the coffee.

"I knew I was marrying him for a reason," Lorelai said, grabbing a 'to go' cup and taking a sip out of it.

She watched Rory as she flipped through the handbook, giggling softly at the funny rules, sighing at the more serious ones, and shutting the book when she was done, stretching out her arms. She looked at Lorelai. "Were you staring at me?" she teased.

"You really like the rule book, huh?" Lorelai asked.

"I think it's so… us, Mom. This handbook has pretty much everything you've ever taught me in it. I don't know, I just… it means a lot."

Lorelai nodded. "And you know, we never added anything to it?"

Rory giggled. "I still think we should have added the alliteration rule," she mused.

"Well, it wouldn't be the same, would it?" Lorelai asked. "And plus, I vetoed. Remember? Has to be unanimous."

Rory nodded. "I don't know, though, maybe we should add something to it. Now's as good a day as ever, right?"

Lorelai shrugged. "Depends on what you want to add to it, sweets."

She grabbed a pink pen from the drawer. She took a piece of scratch paper and wrote, scratched out, and made arrows on the paper. When she was finally happy with what she'd come up with, she handed it over to Lorelai. "I think you'll like it," she said softly.

Lorelai smiled, put down her coffee and read what Rory wrote. "'On this third day of June, 2008, I, Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, promise to share these rules with my stepsister April, and to teach her the concept of being a Gilmore at heart. I also promise to share my mother, Lorelai Victoria Gilmore-Danes, with my new stepfather, Luke Danes. May there be many more Gilmores to share these rules with.' Oh, Rory," Lorelai said, on the verge of tears.

Rory smiled. "I'm guessing that you liked it, then?"

Lorelai nodded. "Pen it in, your handwriting is so much better than mine," she said, handing the paper over.

"I'm so happy you like it," Rory said. "I like the last part."

Lorelai gasped. "So you were pushing a sibling in Rule 8!"

Rory giggled. "Just a little bit. A teensy bit."

Lorelai got up from the table to give her daughter a hug. "I'm getting married," she said.

"Isn't that exciting?" Rory asked.

Lorelai knew just how exciting it was. The butterflies in her stomach were impossible to get rid of and the grin on her face wasn't going away any time soon. She was finally getting married, and to the right guy. She knew it was going to work. She knew it was right. In fact, she knew that if she could get through Emily's opinions on the wedding, she could get through anything. When the doorbell rang, and Emily arrived with her makeup team, Lorelai, surprisingly enough, couldn't have been happier.

"Hi, Mom," she said, opening the door.

Emily politely greeted her daughter and started ordering the three makeup artists she had brought with her around. "Juan, I need you to give her a natural look. Not clown makeup, but enough not to wash her out in the pictures. Frances, I need you to do something classy with Lorelai's hair. However, it needs to be left down, per request of the bride. And Marcia, the manicure must match the bouquet. This pink is the only color that matches, don't pull any funny business on me, or else you will be very sorry."

Lorelai sighed. "Mom, relax. Enjoy the day, all right?" she pleaded. "It will be okay."

Emily consented. "Fine. Where shall we do the manicures?"

"Follow me," Lorelai said, ushering everyone into the kitchen.

Rory's eyes widened as she pulled some chairs in from other rooms. "Wow, the SWAT team has arrived," she teased.

Lorelai smiled. "We're happy today, remember?" she reminded Rory.

"Of course!" Rory replied.

Emily cleared the magazines off of the table and placed them on the chair beside her. "Raul, I need you to start with the bride, please, the maid of honor will have to wait." Emily picked up the stack of magazines to make room for Rory to sit down. "Come, Rory, sit here. We even have reading material."

Emily picked up the Gilmore Handbook and looked it over. "Was this a school project of yours?" she asked.

Rory shook her head. "It's basically a book full of rules Mom and I live by. How to treat people, enjoy life, so on and so forth."

"That's very nice," Emily said softly, passing it to Rory. "Your mother's taught you very well."

Lorelai turned her head. "Uh, are we sharing secrets without me? Because secrets, secrets, are no fun, unless you are a part of one!"

"No secrets," Rory replied. "Grandma and I were looking at the book."

Lorelai smiled. "Good book," she said.

After the manicures and makeup, and when the girls were almost prepared for the big day, Lorelai stood upstairs in her wedding dress, still unable to get past the fact that she was getting married. April, Rory, and Emily were finishing up, and then they'd make their way to the town square. It was going to be the wedding that Lorelai had always dreamed of.

"Lorelai, come downstairs, please!" Emily called.

Lorelai took a look at Paul Anka and adjusted his bowtie. She shooed him downstairs first, and then gingerly picked up her dress so she could walk downstairs. Her father was there to escort her to the square. "Lorelai, you look lovely," Richard said, getting slightly sentimental.

"Thanks, Dad, you look really nice, too," Lorelai replied. She linked her arm in his and they began the walk to the town square.

"You look very happy," Richard said.

She grinned, turning toward her father. "I really am," she replied. "Luke's a good guy."

"I am aware," Richard said with a slight smile. "I'm very happy to be gaining a son-in-law like him. I'm very happy for the two of you."

Lorelai wasn't shocked to hear that about Luke, but she didn't expect to hear it at that moment. "Thank you, Dad, that means a lot to me."

They reached the square and Lorelai forced herself to take it all in. She knew she wasn't going to remember everything about the day, but she was going to try to remember as much as she could. Kirk was taking pictures of everyone as they walked down the aisle, trying to capture as much as possible. Emily's photographer was also snapping pictures. Babette and Patty were sitting in the front row, next to Liz, TJ, Jess, and Doula, crying their eyes out and passing tissues back to anyone who needed them.

Her eyes suddenly darted to the chuppah, where Luke stood, smiling. He looked so handsome. He had gone with the tux after all. He'd threatened a few times to show up in his civilian clothes, but he followed through on his word. As Richard gave his daughter away, and Lorelai and Luke were presented to Reverend Skinner, Lorelai took a quick peek at Luke. She gave him a slightly tearful wink, and he gave her a smile. The ceremony was finally about to begin.

"Family, friends, fellow citizens of Stars Hollow. We are finally, finally gathered here today to witness the union of Lorelai Gilmore and Luke Danes in Holy Matrimony," Reverend Skinner began. "For years we've watched these two get to know each other, become friends, make it through some hard times, and fall in love. And now they finally stand before us on this beautiful day in June, ready to become man and wife. Lorelai, Luke, please join hands."

Lorelai and Luke took each other's hands, ready to get married. Lorelai recited her vows without crying, which she didn't think she could possibly do, and Luke nearly got emotional during his. Lorelai made a mental note to tease him about that someday. The rings were exchanged, the vows were said… and there was only one thing left to do.

"By the power vested in me by the state of Connecticut, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Luke pulled Lorelai in for a gentle, tender kiss. He pulled away and smiled at her. "We're married," he whispered as he took her hand.

"Isn't that amazing?" she asked.

"Pretty amazing," he replied.

Well wishes from the town were coming all at once as Luke and Lorelai made their way to the gazebo for pictures. "Lorelai, doll face, you look amazin'! I'm surprised that dress is still on you, with the way you look!" Babette said. "And Luke, you better keep an eye on Patty. She's tellin' everyone about that ass of yours."

Lorelai giggled. "Thanks, Babette," she said.

Luke blushed. "Yeah, thanks."

"Mom!" Rory said, giving her mother a hug. "Luke!" She gave her stepfather a hug as well. "That was such a nice ceremony. I cried. A lot."

"It was nice, wasn't it? I tried not to cry myself, but this one over here…" Lorelai said.

"Jeez, Lorelai, you never cease to make fun of me, do you?" Luke asked. "You have to share this stuff with everyone."

Lorelai kissed her husband. "It's because I ADORE you," she teased.

"Congratulations, I'll let you take pictures. And I won't let them do anything to the cake," Rory said with a wink.

Lorelai pumped her fist. "You are your mother's daughter."

Luke looked to Lorelai. "So is there a rule about telling someone how much you mean to them?"

Lorelai nodded, slightly surprised that Luke remembered. "Rule 7," she answered softly.

"Well, I love you. You mean the world to me. I am so… happy."

Lorelai smiled. "You did listen, after all," she said.

He nodded. "Yeah, I did remember a few of those rules. Some of them were actually pretty good."

"Yeah, you owe me a sitting down and telling me about something for hours upon hours. I promise, I'll listen," Lorelai said.

Luke kissed her. "You've got a deal."

_The End_

**A/N: I am so sad to see this story end. I am so thankful, however, that each and every one of you read and reviewed. It means the world to me. I am feeling a little empty now, that my longest and most intensely written fic is finished. Thanks to the powers that be for letting me borrow dialogue from the show... it's appreicated. If you want more… there's a sequel coming, "The Danes Family Album". Please read that if you are so inclined! Thanks again to everyone, for everything! -Java**


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